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I have also put this on the Int'l Forums.

Back when my sisters and I were teenagers. At the kitchen table during a mealtime discussion. My parents gave this titbit of advice. "Observe how your potential mate treats their parents. Especially how a daugther treats her father, and how a son treats his mom. Because that will indicate how they will treat you.

Now many here have had long term relationships. How your partner treated his/her parents, did they end up treating you the same way?
Did observe this with your brothers and sisters? close friends? your kids?

It's true... If I only knew then what I knew now.... would I have married the b turd.... just can imagine life with out the kids I have though...

I believe in that too and even tell people that all the time.

Not all the people I have dated I would say have treated me like they did their parents but my son's dad did. He is a lot like his father and not that he disrespects his mom but he is a 35 year old man going on 13 and makes his mom do everything for him. He did the same exact thing to me. Although I did not put up with it and well lets just say our relationship did not last. He has a girlfriend now and I can't even see how she can stand him and they been together 5 years lol They had moved in together. Her idea. And of course that only lasted maybe 2 months he went back to his parents place because of course she would not serve him hand and feet like his mom does. Oh well if she likes that then that is her problem lol

I have my kids. I don't need an extra one lol

This is very good way to see what kind of a person they are. I am very close to and spend a great deal of time with my family. They are the most important people to me in the world, so to see someone not treating their parents very well would be a reason for me to not want to see this person anymore.


I have yet to run across anyone who treats their parents or family in general like crap though .

That sounds like a good why to see how they go.

What happens if they are a mummys boy or a daddy's gal do you think the theory would work?

l agree with this, my ex treated his mom like crap, always yelling at her and l am thinking many more things that l didnt see. He treated me like his princess when we dated and as soon as we were married he started treating me just like he did his mom.
The only wonderful things l got from my marriage is my 2 beautiful daughters and without them the marriage would have been a big mistake.
l will have to remember this one next time l decide to date and maybe one day marry again.

It was about the same for me here. Not sure what I am looking for, but making friends at this point is my main concern.

I need to learn how to be around males and not be afraid. Sometimes it's good, and other times, there are red flags and that keeps me away.

It's funny how much you can learn on this site, but watching how people react in a thread, or their comments.

Even the ones that allow you to give back a wise crack with out expecting pay back for it.

Hope you have a nice day, and best of luck.

I noticed that it is only women who are replying to this tread. Is it because men didn't notice this. Is it because the men who did take notice of this are still happily married?

Because I never married I can only make observations of others.

My sister (the 3rd child) was one, who didn't take no for an answer very easlily. When my parents said no the rest of my siblings would accept the their answer more readily. She was more strong willed and tended to do thing her way, and not listen to advice. Well guess you got married and devorsed twice. Now she is having the same problems with her 3rd child (a daugther).

The other story is:
A few years ago I went to another cattle ranch to looks at bulls, as I needed a new herd bull. They had a daughter that I was interested in and she is a hard worker. I was invited in for the evening meal. Yes the bread was a bit stale. The daughter, in her late 20's or early 30's,sat down and made complaining motions about the bread (much like a child). Well I noticed this, and I got to say my interest in her got turned off real quick. (She wasn't interested in me anyway).

Now a question comes to mind. How are your relationships with your kids going? We are setting up their future relationships with their partners in life. Are you teaching them how live on their own at some point.

I do not know Loner........ My sons and my daughter have a seems to be good relationship with me. None at all with their father. My daughter and I have had rocky moments, just like my mother and I. Hopefully we will continue to communicate and keep a good relationship.

I will reverse your suggestion about meeting the man's family and how he is treating his mother.... etc. Same could be said about the female's parents and how she treats them and she is treated.


How are you doing Loner.... we understand it's a very busy time of year for you, but you are missed. We always enjoy your posts. Take care

Now a question comes to mind. How are your relationships with your kids going? We are setting up their future relationships with their partners in life. Are you teaching them how live on their own at some point.


Okay, I think you are fishing, so I will bite! Morning :) I think that the "how did we/them treat our parents relate to present relationships does have weight,but you have to remember that so many things have changed and take into conderation the dynamics of every family, good and bad..IMHO, I beleive it all comes down to choices, we treat others as we choose to and they allow us to as they choose to.
Kids, well my kids ahave been getting some big doses of reality, because I am changing my role in the "family unit"; with the support and encouragment of others, a few of my precious ones, are not sure how to respond to a mom that is holding her own, growing a spine, saying no. As hard as it is, allowing them to manipulate me and emotionally blackmail me is not happening. There behaviour and my reactions are results of environment and dynamics - but all that can change, it is a conscience choice. But breaking the cycle and patterns is part of moving on! How they all react is owned by them, I don't own their behavious and choices.
As a mom, I became embroiled in the caretaker role because of certain issues...and put the role of mom ahead of being a person. All changes are hard, but the end result will be worth it and we will have healthier, respectful relationships because of it. Oh, my daughter Brit is getting married soon, and her and I are good.

Very good points you bring up about being a mother and putting everything ahead of being a person. When you did that(and SOME women tend to this), the kids believe they can manipulate you into doing things their way, rather than the way it should be. On the otherhand I have heard of women who put themselves first in everything, and not doing much for the kids. They spend ages at the beauty salon doing hair, manicure, pedicure(not that anything is really wrong with nurturing oneself), but less time and money is spent with/for the kids.

This is only my opinion, but the young lady who complained about the stale bread, did so inorder that you wouldn't eat it. It could have mold on it as well, and that piece was removed. You can't really look a gift horse in the mouth as the saying goes.

I guess I better clarify this. If the bread was moldy her mom wouldn't have put it on the table. The bread or buns she used to complain, she put on her own plate. The bread was just out a day too long to be fresh. And I did eat it, it just soaks up the sauce better. Since I survived private boarding school cooking, long distance canoe trip food, and my own cooking, I tend to appreciate and enjoy everyone elses cooking. And the meal prepared that night was good.

Think its a very good indicator of a person's learned behaviors. I've learned the hard way that when a guy says to me "I'll never talk that way to you" that its a bunch of bull - he'll talk that way to me once he feels comfortable enough.

Well said. If you allow your children to manipulate you, they would expect to do that with their future partner. Than they would wonder why they get dumped. Your kids having a healthy, respectfull relationsip with you, hopefully will help them have a healthy, respectfull relationship with their future wife/husband.

I hope that I'm making a little sence here.

G, you are making perfect sense...we all do, just a different way of expressing it you know. Have to switch gears again, so to speak, young lad just returned home from visit with other "parent"; think I am in for a bit of a rough ride this week with him...started challenging within 5 minutes of walking in the door. I am not ocmplaining, I am just as responsible as others for this child's behaviours - I let it happen for way too long; never too late though!
There are no word to express how hard parenting can be, especially reasonably good parenting. There are so many influences etc. on different ends of the spectrum; Guess we all have to do the very best we can every day.