Is this cheating

curvychick Toronto, Ontario Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 2:36 PM CST : Is this cheating?

Gulfstar: Okay . . . this can be as honest or dishonest any way one chooses to look at ones own morals and beliefs about cheating. For me I am here to meet a partner for life, If it does not happen then it is my choice to continue looking on this site or elsewhere.

But . . . once I have found that elusive woman I shall no longer need this site or a few others, I will then delete my profile.

To continue being on dating sites just raises too many questions and would create some tension in a new relationship although no cares to really admit it, I think it still happens. Who knows, maybe this is an addiction for some individuals.

here here!!!

I totally agree

kissmedeeply Petitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 2:41 PM CST : Is this cheating?

Lonely1: This is an amazing website. Free emails, free IM, free flowers, free wine, free chocolates........

Intelligent and caring people to chat with, etc. etc.

However, most people on the site will never meet in person. We may end up chatting with many individuals because we like their post, profile, etc. I am not sure if there are any rules about how many individuals we can communicate with at any one time. IF we find someone we really care for and who cares for us: Good Luck.

- Does using this site means we are cheaters? I do not think so.
- Is being honest about other relationships cheating? I do not think so.
- Do we need to tell other users about every other person we communicate with on this website? I do not think so.

What do you think?

I have met my fiance on here...

and i only talk on the forums with the friends i have made..

but if you get emails from someone wanting something more then friends..

Be open and honest and set them straight that you already have someone..

but if you play along with them..

Yup that is cheating in my book

kissmedeeply Petitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 2:43 PM CST : Is this cheating?

Gulfstar: Okay . . . this can be as honest or dishonest any way one chooses to look at ones own morals and beliefs about cheating. For me I am here to meet a partner for life, If it does not happen then it is my choice to continue looking on this site or elsewhere.

But . . . once I have found that elusive woman I shall no longer need this site or a few others, I will then delete my profile.

To continue being on dating sites just raises too many questions and would create some tension in a new relationship although no cares to really admit it, I think it still happens. Who knows, maybe this is an addiction for some individuals.

I disagree...

I dont care who thinks its wrong being on here after finding that special woman...

My fiance knows i am on here...and can read anything he wishes..

If you special someone knows you are here..then nothing wrong at all...

Dont matter to me what others say or think

JMHO

kissmedeeply Petitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 2:43 PM CST : Is this cheating?

kissmedeeply: I disagree...

I dont care who thinks its wrong being on here after finding that special woman...

My fiance knows i am on here...and can read anything he wishes..

If you special someone knows you are here..then nothing wrong at all...

Dont matter to me what others say or think

JMHO

Special someone

Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 7:46 PM CST : Is this cheating?

kissmedeeply: I have met my fiance on here...

and i only talk on the forums with the friends i have made..

but if you get emails from someone wanting something more then friends..

Be open and honest and set them straight that you already have someone..

but if you play along with them..

Yup that is cheating in my book

Thanks for your honest responses

Yes, this forum is very enlightening and I have learnt a lot while on it. I see it as a great learning site. If my special someone was to find out that I am on it and becomes upset, I am not sure how I would react. The site has been a place where I can come and share a lot of my desire to connect with others. When you are with someone who prefers to be silent and does not like to say anything, it can be very frustrating, IMO.

I have found that it is a fallacy that ALL women talk a lot.

eyesthatknowwhy Whitehorse, Yukon Territory Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 8:04 PM CST : Is this cheating?

Nope, it's not cheating - I concur with some prior posters - Why? because once it was mutually decided that there was a "relationship"and that it was significant, I changeg my profile to indicate such, with his opinion mattering to me. He is very aware that I chose to be on this site for the forums and friendship, because my time is pretty well spent with little kids, I do need adult conversation and my brain requires some stimulation (not that kind

) Anyways, that is the way it is. And yes, i might even flirt a bit, but he knows I am a flirt, he also knows that me flirting with someone else is just that and no more. So for us, it is not cheating.

It is keeping my time and mind occupied.....

gemery Williams Lake, British Columbia Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 8:15 PM CST : Is this cheating?

Interesting question. I was in this situation a few years back and in that relationship we had agreed to give up the singles sites. However, that was not the case on the other part. I wouldn't have minded if I had known about it, but that was kept from me. And the person I was in a relationship with at that time had been in the forums on a singles site and in their own words had stated in a forum post that "they were looking for a man". The excuses I received were quite humorous actually.

I was not aware that my replacement was being looked for while in that relationship. Was it cheating? Not yet...but I am sure it was headed that way. After me asking this question in another forum, I came to the conclusion it was very dishonest.

The end result, I was the bad guy. Hey, I don't mind being the bad guy!

I think there is nothing wrong (if it needs to be judged) if everything is in the open, however, honesty is still the best policy.

geo

Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 8:50 PM CST : Is this cheating?

gemery: I was not aware that my replacement was being looked for while in that relationship. Was it cheating? Not yet...but I am sure it was headed that way. After me asking this question in another forum, I came to the conclusion it was very dishonest.geo

This site allows very little options for indicating attachments, be that as it may.

However, if I knew my mate was on the site, and given the above info, I would be a little concerned. However, some people on this site gives up after a while because there are no takers.

eyesthatknowwhy Whitehorse, Yukon Territory Canada

Fri Sep 5, 2008 9:19 PM CST : Is this cheating?

gemery: I was not aware that my replacement was being looked for while in that relationship. Was it cheating? Not yet...but I am sure it was headed that way. After me asking this question in another forum, I came to the conclusion it was very dishonest.geo

I just need to reiterate that I am in no way looking for a replacement. I find it entertaining to chat on the forums, that is it, no more, no less, when I have the time and there is something that interests me on the forums or I feel the need to respond to a thread. And to be frank, I seem to not have much time lately....

elliegirl brisbane, Queensland Australia

Mon Sep 8, 2008 2:55 AM CST : Is this cheating?

i can't quite see the need to be on a site like this if you are in a committed relationship,there are discussion forums around with topics of interest to you,noone need be on a dating site if they are not single,i for one would lose my interest in beimg online altogether and would expect the same consideration,
surely there would be enough live friends and family to satisfy the chatting urge??

wellaged2007 victoria, British Columbia Canada

Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:00 AM CST : Is this cheating?

well said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i could not have said it better myself

Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada

Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:54 PM CST : Is this cheating?

elliegirl: i can't quite see the need to be on a site like this if you are in a committed relationship,there are discussion forums around with topics of interest to you,noone need be on a dating site if they are not single,i for one would lose my interest in beimg online altogether and would expect the same consideration,
surely there would be enough live friends and family to satisfy the chatting urge??

I agree that everyone is entitled to their own outlook on life. Some posts says it is cheating others say it is not.

However,as per the initial post: most people on the site will never meet in person. We may end up chatting with many individuals because we like their post, profile, etc. I am not sure if there are any rules about how many individuals we can communicate with at any one time.

- Does using this site means we are cheaters? I do not think so.
- Is being honest about other relationships cheating? I do not think so.
- Do we need to tell other users about every other person we communicate with on this website? I do not think so.

plentyhuman london, Ontario Canada

Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:27 PM CST : Is this cheating?

Honesty is the best policy...Honesty will never get you into trouble..As far as cheating... Your correct in your statements..Good for you.

Sommerauer71: No, I do not think it is cheating at all.

It is for single people, primarily, with a view to looking for a partner, but friendships form bonds are made. Some people do meet, are able to.

So, no using this site does not mean we are cheaters.

I do not tell anyone who I chat with, that is not because I purposely want to withold the information, but because I simply choose not to. If I met a person then I would tell who I wanted to tell.

Muted5th St. John's, Newfoundland Canada

Sat Oct 4, 2008 4:09 PM CST : Is this cheating?

my 2 cents:

What stage are you at in a relationship?

If you are in the "window shopping" phase of things, looking for a potential partner, chatting with or messaging various people without disclosing this information to all your other contacts, nope, not cheating. My understanding is this is what would be expected. Nobody that I know of goes on these sites, picks one person and communicates with that one person solely.

Having finished your window shopping, you have decided to try out a few. Kick the tires.

Maybe (if you're lucky) actually meet a few in person. You try a few, some work, some don't. Is this cheating? Nope.

To simplify the stages, I'll boil it down to this. Eventually you develop an emotional attachment to a person, commit to that one person. Yet, you continue on with chatting or messaging with members of the opposite sex (or whatever sexual orientation you may be).

Cheating? Yes... and no. It depends on the situation.

When one enters into an exclusive relationship with another, there should develop what I'd like to call an "expectation of personal boundaries" within a relationship. Here's where communication plays a key factor. You are now a couple. any friend you have of the opposite sex should now be "our" friend, and vice-versa. If you keep the fact that you are still on these sites a secret from your now significant other, or he/she does the same.... why?

In a nutshell, when in an exclusive relationship, honesty and disclosure = not cheating. What's the opposite of honesty and disclosure? Oh yeah.. lying and hiding.

Cheating? If you ask me, damn skippy!

Sorry if that sounds a little black and white with no room for gray areas, but that's just my opinion.

Does finding out that your significant other still uses these sites present an insurmountable obstacle to your relationship? With proper and effective communication, probably not.

I'll shut up now.

jbnb06 moncton, New Brunswick Canada

Sun Oct 5, 2008 2:37 AM CST : Is this cheating?

now this is like comparing apples to oranges. first of all you need to define the question.
Do you mean: Your in a comittted relationship, and you are striking up conversations and flirting,and arranging private calls,emails and meetings? then hello yeah your cheating.
-----OR------
Do you mean you have been emailing(private not through this site)
talking like there the only one you talk to in a relationship way. and in fact your not on the site any more, or any other one. then yes my friend your a "two bit cheater".
-----OR-----
Do you mean you commuicate (on this site only) with her/him have small talk, mentioned already you've talked to someone on this site or another site, no your not cheating.
Now a key part to a good realationship is communication both of giving and extracting (in some casese lol). Honesty falls in communication.
Granted privatecy is a respective issue,but then again,thats where honesty and trust come to play.
but thats just my opinion.

wikked Ajax, Ontario Canada

Wed Oct 8, 2008 8:12 AM CST : Is this cheating?

eyesthatknowwhy: Do YOU feel that it is cheating? At the end of the day, you are the one looking in the mirror at you, so....it will be what you want it to be.

I throw my lot in with this answer

zarena St. John's, Newfoundland Canada

Mon Nov 3, 2008 6:24 PM CST : Is this cheating?

Muted5th: my 2 cents:

What stage are you at in a relationship?

If you are in the "window shopping" phase of things, looking for a potential partner, chatting with or messaging various people without disclosing this information to all your other contacts, nope, not cheating. My understanding is this is what would be expected. Nobody that I know of goes on these sites, picks one person and communicates with that one person solely.

Having finished your window shopping, you have decided to try out a few. Kick the tires. Maybe (if you're lucky) actually meet a few in person. You try a few, some work, some don't. Is this cheating? Nope.

To simplify the stages, I'll boil it down to this. Eventually you develop an emotional attachment to a person, commit to that one person. Yet, you continue on with chatting or messaging with members of the opposite sex (or whatever sexual orientation you may be).

Cheating? Yes... and no. It depends on the situation.

When one enters into an exclusive relationship with another, there should develop what I'd like to call an "expectation of personal boundaries" within a relationship. Here's where communication plays a key factor. You are now a couple. any friend you have of the opposite sex should now be "our" friend, and vice-versa. If you keep the fact that you are still on these sites a secret from your now significant other, or he/she does the same.... why?

In a nutshell, when in an exclusive relationship, honesty and disclosure = not cheating. What's the opposite of honesty and disclosure? Oh yeah.. lying and hiding. Cheating? If you ask me, damn skippy!

Sorry if that sounds a little black and white with no room for gray areas, but that's just my opinion.

Does finding out that your significant other still uses these sites present an insurmountable obstacle to your relationship? With proper and effective communication, probably not.

I'll shut up now.

I'd prefer not to take the chance of staying on these sites

If I have found someone whom I wish to form a real and lasting bond. I see no reason to continue these sites. Why give a site such as this any attention when you have found your "one". That attention would be better spent on developing your lives together.

OH dear I need chest compressions

I hate the grey areas too.

TheKid52 Birmingham, West Midlands, England UK

Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:46 PM CST : Is this cheating?

Lonely1: This is an amazing website. Free emails, free IM, free flowers, free wine, free chocolates........

Intelligent and caring people to chat with, etc. etc.

However, most people on the site will never meet in person. We may end up chatting with many individuals because we like their post, profile, etc. I am not sure if there are any rules about how many individuals we can communicate with at any one time. IF we find someone we really care for and who cares for us: Good Luck.

- Does using this site means we are cheaters? I do not think so.
- Is being honest about other relationships cheating? I do not think so.
- Do we need to tell other users about every other person we communicate with on this website? I do not think so.

What do you think?

The site is brilliant and lots of very well educated people on here to chat with. I find that some of the guys want you to stop contact with others when they have sent a few mails in. they are afraid of loosing you. I love it here I can loose a couple of hours and not notice it, lots of interesting topics.Its a family atmosphere, its not cheating on anyone. I link on to see friends and see how they are doing. It is free after all and I dont have to wait for the postman to deliver or not as the case maybe. when you are in trouble there will always be someone on here to tell your troubles to and they do care. We care!

Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada

Wed Jul 1, 2009 11:06 PM CST : Is this cheating?

TheKid52: The site is brilliant and lots of very well educated people on here to chat with. I find that some of the guys want you to stop contact with others when they have sent a few mails in. they are afraid of loosing you. I love it here I can loose a couple of hours and not notice it, lots of interesting topics.Its a family atmosphere, its not cheating on anyone. I link on to see friends and see how they are doing. It is free after all and I dont have to wait for the postman to deliver or not as the case maybe. when you are in trouble there will always be someone on here to tell your troubles to and they do care. We care!

Very true.

Been away for a while. Glad to see my original thoughts on this subject is still applicable.

babyoh150 cambridge, Ontario Canada

Thu Jul 9, 2009 3:10 PM CST : Is this cheating?

I love the forums here. I chatted with a few guys who turned out to be scammers and hid my profile for awhile but I missed all the good advice on here. ppl are honest with there opinions and you get another view on some situations.
If i were in a relationship and he was on the site , yes i would be upset. but if he showed me what the site was and these forums i might feel better. But then again I can be a jealous kinda person.
If it is all innocent and you can show what you are saying to your partner then no i don't believe it is cheating. But if you keep it from them, then yes. Figure you started looking for dating sites so something must be wrong in the relationship.

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