Connecting Singles^® Canada Forums

Subject: ECONOMICS WITH COWS -

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the
other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your
herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.

SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your
listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot,
and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You
charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You
arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them
that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you
and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are
part of a Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive!

AN EU CORPORATION: You don´t have two cows, because EU gives you a new
Mercedes Benz every year for not having two cows. Your neigbour is even
more successful: he doesn't have four cows.

Good ones. Liked the Enron Venture capitalism. It kind of explains the U.S. economy mess, does't it?

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to Tampa Airport.
The pilot comes on the intercom 'This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area'.

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot "whatcha got planned while we're in Tampa?'
''Well says the skipper 'first I'm gonna check into the hotel 2 take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner.... I'm gonna wine and dine her take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.'Aghast and amused everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot's talking about.

Meanwhile the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane.

She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says: 'No need to hurry dear. He's gotta land the plane and take a shit first.

Good one Kim

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress.
A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'.
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman called Billy. Suddenly Billy lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded sign for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the center ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
'You're incredible!' he told Billy. 'But I have to know something.You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?'
'Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be!

LOVE IT!

that's bad

keep them coming Kim.

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years
of carrying the mail to the same neighborhood, through all
kinds of weather.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was
greeted by the whole family, who congratulated him and sent
him on his way with a gift certificate.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine
imported cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of
terrific fishing lures.

At each of the houses along his route, he was met with
congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types
and values.

At the final house, he was met at the door by a strikingly
beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took
him by the hand, gently led him through the door and led
him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most
passionate liaison.

Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry
waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of
steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar
bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but

what's the dollar for?'

'Well,' she said, 'last night, I told my husband that today

would be your last day and that we should do something

special for you. I asked him what to give you?'

He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'

The blond then blushed and said, 'But the breakfast was my idea.'

Haha great stuff! Great stuff XD I love the cows and the golf balls one the most :)

Women Are So Reasonable

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, 'HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL.

NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT?

THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES!