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I think realistic boundaries are important for any kid, teen or otherwise. Kids, regardless of age, need to know there are limits to what they can do. Boundaries show them that someone cares enough about what they do, and what happens to them. There may be some rebelling and rough patches, but in the end if you stand your ground, it will pay off with respect for you as the parent.

As a non parent, (use my advice with discretion). Setting resonable boundaries is good. I think it is important that they learn, that with freedoms also come responsiblities. I have heard that kids, even if they don't like the boundaries, will use them to stay out of trouble, when peer pressure becomes too great.

I don't think you will escape the drama, no matter what you do. It comes with the teenage territory. They might withdraw for awhile, but if you are fair, they will come back to you when they mature.

i have 3 kids and servived the teen yers on 2 of themsome waht please dont take this rong a lott of perints mostly wiman be frend ther dauters and have a hard time dividing the perent / frend thing and it makes it hard as a perint to administer rools boundrys and sutch as dauters get confused and use the your my frend thing and make the mother feel gilty or presherd by ther owen feelings of wanting to give your child all you can witch is normel


your child or young adult teen will respekt you more if you set your gide lines and stick to them and make them think or use ther hed witch a lott of perints dont let ower children doo for them selves



lisen to me coming of like dr spock i wish you the best of luck listin to your hart and use your hed thay dont cume with instrukshons lol lol

Thanks so much for your input, I appreciate it!

You're right this is being made especially harder for me because they are girls and i am trying to be their "friend" enough that they will come to me in times of trouble, or when they need solid advice....but at the same time maintain the role of a parent....

Sometimes I feel i let my guard slip because i am guilty of not providing them a home with TWO loving parents, though both my ex and I love the dust they walk on....we do it from separate homes...

Plus i also deal with the "its so much better at daddy's house...."

Setting boundaries for your teenage children does work. This allows them to make the best decisions for themselves when they in a difficult spot. Peer pressure can be insurmountable at times, so those boundaries that you set can turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Loving parents exists whether they are in the same home or not. If you find that your ex and yourself are not amicable, then you both need to agree to disagree on your personal issues. When it comes to the children now, you both have to compromise on issues, so he has your back, and you have his, regardless of which home the children are staying at the moment.
Daddy's house always better, because daddy has to work extra hard to accomodate their wishes, wants and diminish their tantrums. He is not necessarily doing this to be the nice guy, but rather so that he can have a stress free visit, as often and as much as possible.

Hey Urs, good to see ya again!
I think it is very important that bounderies are set. Especially in the teenage years. Right now they need us to be parents more than friends.
I have a great relationship with my 15 year old daughter. She comes with issues to me and also talks to her dad. I don't think you have to try to be their "friend" for them to come to you in times of trouble.

About the "its so much better at daddy's house...." to me that sounds more like a little "blackmail" to get from you what they want....
They just now how to push our buttons, no matter how old they are.

Hey Ange

I tried talking to my ex about it...his answer is always the same..."give it a few days..."
And he says he's honestly not understanding my frustrations with them because he doesn't have any "issues" with them....
He does not comprehend that he has them 2 weekends out of the month - of course he doesn't have any issues!!

My biggest problem right now is that they feel they should not have to do any chores around this house because they don't have to do any at their dad's unless they want to.....

I remember that part, that my ex had no problems what so ever, grrrr.
That was when he only had them in the weekends....

Stick to your rules. They are your rules and they live in your house so they should live by your rules.
M is for Mom not for Maid!!! Saw that on a t-shirt the other day, I like it!!

I think you have to remember that many people parent in a style that is not in the best interest of the child, but in their own best interest; When together, my ex was very disengaged as a parent, and has now taken on the role as peer/buddy; to the extent that he allowed a then 11 yr. old to smoke and provided him with such, because it made the "kid happy" - this is just ONE example of the lack of boundaries. I didn't have the energy to fight with the older child, he went to live with Dad - result, he is almost 17, no job, quite school with a grade 8. Both my sons resent my rules, expectations, boundaries etc. and are very verbally abusive to me - and very disrespectful to most authority. I fought tooth and effing nail for the youngest and continue to do so. He has Conduct disorder so is very oppositional to authority - yep, ME. Dad isn't authority, cuz he doesn't show any. Is it hard, damn right it is ... but I have the responsibility as a parent to do whatever I can that is in the best interests of my child. Sometimes, the best, most logical and rational thing is the most difficult to do. This is just my humble but very battered opinion.
I tried the whole co-parenting thing and would suggest that if you can do this with your ex, do it. I wrote a proposal to his lawyer, leaving no stone unturned, whereby there would be CONSISTENCY AND VERY SIMILAR STRUCTURE AND EXPECTATIONS in both homes. That is what is best for the kids and it significantly shuts the door on the manipulation that they all figure out real quick. My lawyer was very impressed and suggested I market this proposal...my ex? refused, because it didn't meet his needs...and it would require communication between he and I (which now I know would have been real bad).
NO MATTER WHAT, PARENTING IS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD AND OFTEN THE MOST UNAPPRECIATED!!!

lol im a singl full tme dad so kno waht yor talking about in hear i have my 11 yer old sun for the last 5 yers and my ex takes him when she can she works 2 jobs ? i dont get that as she hs a bf o well and some times once a week some times twice her shegewell is speratick i triy to acomadate her but i feel its not to her satisfakshon i get chewd on qwite often by her but i wold not change or give up on my sun i am his father and he is with me and im prowd and love hime very mutch as eney perent wold and as for rools and gide lines as long as it dosent case perminint damige or hert them moraly or mently its good but your childron will love you and respekt you for beaing ferm and fear with your rools dont wory about yor ex be awnest and ferm and fear most of all love them and be ther when thay fall as you alwase have bean as i sence you are a grate mother with too mutch hart step back look at them listin think then say it not yell it as thay dont hear you when yelling good luck sweety tc

Thanks Walley...I appreciate the words of encouragment

I like that "M is for Mom not for Maid"....I LIKE THAT

Ange I really resent that my ex (and his girlfriend) are so proud to go out with the girls because they are so well behaved and respectful...they are also brilliant, and they love to spout off at their accomplishments to their friends and family (remember my oldest daughter graduated valedictorian this past year)...
He is not getting that i am resentful because its my hard work, my sleepless nights and rivers of tears that are going into keeping those girls line...and he is not being helpful by offering a "playhouse" to them every other weekend! His "give it a few days it'll blow over" is part of the problem, not part of the solution....he doesn't get that nothing gets resolved unless it is dealt with...
I also know that if they visit him during the week for supper, if they get into sibling fights...he puts them in the car and drops them home here for me to handle....

They work. It's easier said than done, but worth it.

The parent that set boundaries etc, will make teenagers, or younger act up and treat you as the ex has shown them.

Stick with it, because it is worth it. I can almost guarantee 95%, they will respect you later when they are an adult.

I have seen it with friends kids, mine (now grown up), and the former foster kids that have grown up, and come back to visit my parents. They hated when they were younger, but appreciate it now.


Parenting is not easy, give yourselves credit for doing your best for your child, and what makes you feel better, (or is easiest).

OOP typo..

Just my opinion and experience Wikked, but you are exerting way to much energy and thinking way too hard about what "they" are doing....I was there once, and with alot of help and guidance learned that the only person I can control and change is me and to worry and think about what I do and say as a parent. You do what is right, and yep, Kim is right, it is hard and there are no immediate (or very few)rewards and yep it pisses you off when others try and take your credit and all of that - but in the end, if you stick to your parenting convictions with respectful, firm but flexible boundaries, you will have earned your children's respect and know that you did your very best ... "he" will be the schmuck in the end - most of the time