Connecting Singles^® Canada Forums

Once again you made me smile! Brilliant, I do not know where you get them but they are very good.
Experience also tell me that no matter how much I spend on the anti wrinkly cream I still look 52 and that is the bottom line. Its a hardship, but I am happy.

Now Brew...what fun would it be if I deceided to act my age?????that would just be scary
Huggs to you,hope the new year is treating u right.

A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans
Canada about 2 miles West of Winnipeg.

When the Mountie asked the driver why he
was speeding, the driver answered that he
was a magician and a juggler and he was
on his way to Brandon to do a show that
night at the Shrine Circus and didn't
want to be late.

The Mountie told the driver he was just
fascinated by juggling, and if the driver
would do a little juggling for him then he
wouldn't give him a speeding ticket.

The driver told the Mountie that he had sent
all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have
anything to juggle. The Mountie told him that
he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol
car and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler stated that he could, so the Mountie
got three flares, lit them and handed them to the
juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car
pulled in behind the patrol car.

A drunk, good old boy named Brew, driving through from Alberta
got out and watched the performance briefly.


Brew then went over to the patrol car, pulled opened
the rear door and then got in.

The Mountie observed Brew doing this and went over
to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the
drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunken Brew then replied to the Mountie ...



You might as well take me to jail ... "Cause there's
no fuckin` way I can pass that test"

If I acted the age I felt, I would probably be in trouble constantly, and if I acted my numeric age, I would probably fall asleep. So what is in a number? I just try the best I can, to look the best I can. No lifts for me thanks, I will grow old gracefully, and hopefully still look good, but feel like the twenty year old!

i feel like a 20 year old or two sometimes but at my age it would be suicide, nice to look though

ha ha ha good one kid, ok I've got one for you...

One day an O.P.P. officer observed a car flying down the Q.E.W. from St. Catherines heading towards Toronto, then suddenly swerved onto the 401 and started heading towards London, the cop hot on his heels with his lights and siren screaming. The cop got on his radio asking for backup. Finally after over an hours chase the car was brought to a stop. Three O.P.P. officers with their guns drawn yelled for the man to step out of his car with his hands raised. The man got out of his car with his hands in the air asking what was wrong. One cop asked why he was driving so fast. The man replied, "I am so sorry officer, I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong, I just moved here from Newfoundland, and transfered my drivers licence to an Ontario licence and was only doing what I was told". The confused cop ask the man to explain, to which the man pulled out his new Ontario drivers licence, pointed to it and said, "Look here, see, it says, Tear along dotted line".

Thanks for the laugh Brew, I needed it after th last day and a half.

Glad to be of service

Hate to say it, but, this could so be turned into a "blonde" joke...or....a blonde newfie joke!

Hey Loner, hope all is well. Have you started your calving season all ready?

A blond Newfie joke.. now that could be funny, not to mention it could open a floodgate of jokes, huh ?

Yep...but me thinks we best not hold our breath waiting for the floodgate to open Brew! I'll keep my ears and eyes open - always willing to share; and love to read a good giggle - even if it is at the expense of the less fortunate... ...and then I go and streak my hair blonde ????

Yupp, calving has started Jan 9. 25 calves born so far. 2 sets of twins. 2 that died with in 2 days. 1 born by c-section. One surprise born outside in -30, on the snow. That one spent 2 hours in the bathtub to warm up (severe hypotermia) but it is alive. To make a long story hort new calves coming every day.

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ...you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach
your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you
down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

That is funny! I must share with a select few if you don't mind K - you didn't do this did you?

Hello no..... a co worker forwarded it to me. Always pass on smiles and laughs.

One day in line at the company cafeteria, Brew says to Loner, standing behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Loner replies.


"There's a diagnostic computer down at the Wal-Mart. Just give it a urin sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Brew deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits...

10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

" You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank You for shopping at Wal-Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Brew began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Brew hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softner. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping at Wal-mart.

Gettin Old is Tough!Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen
sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this
"first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then
an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?' the old man replied, 'Yep,
none of us could get the jar open

Funny! Needed that I think I am in trouble...had to get out the pliers to open a bottle of nail polish...