A Newfie (no offense to the newfies out there)

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laffingone Port Coquitlam, British Columbia Canada
A Newfie - let's call him Kenny, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub.
He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his pat h.
He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees!
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop.
The officer approaches Kenny's car and asks him what on Earth he was doing!
Kenny tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says .
' Fer Chris' sakes Kenny! That's yer air freshener!'

KHD100 Edmonton, Alberta Canada
rolling on the floor laughing Sounds like a newfie called Brew LOL

Great one!!



Loner1960 St. Alphonse, Manitoba Canada
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
In response to: A Newfie - let's call him Kenny, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub.
He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his pat h.
He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees!
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop.
The officer approaches Kenny's car and asks him what on Earth he was doing!
Kenny tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says .
' Fer Chris' sakes Kenny! That's yer air freshener!'


ha ha ha cute..
Do you know why you'll never see a fridge in Newfoundland with kool-aid in it ?
That's because they still haven't figured out how to put 8 cups of water in those little envolpes
jmichelin StephenVille, Newfoundland Canada
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing that is soooo funny sad thing i know a few that did that drunk lol, im Labradorian no difference really but i actually had to swerve trees on my one lane road going home lol, damn high winds
Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
KHD100: Sounds like a newfie called Brew LOL

Great one!!


Bite me, I'm not a newfie, so there tongue
ha ha ha
Arlene101 Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia Canada
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing Ya' gotta love the Newfie jokes. I laugh before I even start to read them.thumbs up
Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
NEWS FLASH.....
According to the news, at 10:30 am (Newfoundland time) it was just reported that a 2 seater Cessna was flying from Cape St. Mary’s to Labrador when the engine quit working. The Cessna slammed into the cemetary just outside Labrador. At last report, search and rescue officals stated they have already pulled 68 bodies and the toll is expected to rise even higher before the end of the day














Think about it
gemery Williams Lake, British Columbia Canada
Now in support of our Newfoundlanders...I like this one. Old as it is and not true but hilarious and some of you might have already heard it but I love this one! rolling on the floor laughing


It's your call

This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US naval ship and the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

Newfies: "Please divert your course by 15 degrees south to avoid a collision".

Americans: "Recommend that you divert your course by 15 degrees north to avoid a collision"

Newfies: "Negative. You have to divert your course by 15 degrees south to avoid a collision"

Americans: "This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course".

Newfies: "No. I say again divert YOUR course".

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE BY 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP".

Newfies: "This is a lighthouse. Your Call"
rolling on the floor laughing

geo
Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
and talking about George....

George and a Newfie feller were both patients in a mental hospital in St. John’s. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, George suddenly jumped into the deep end.


He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. The Newfie promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled George out.

When the medical director became aware of the Newfie's heroic act he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell the Newfie the news he said, "Newf, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound thinking and judgment.

The bad news is, George, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

The Newfie replied "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry ... So...how soon can I go home?"
Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
Newfie Love Poem

SUSIE TOBIN FELL IN LOVE;
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE
SHE WAS SO 'APPY 'BOUT IT ALL
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE, MAID,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANUDDER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YOUR MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, "DERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY DEAR,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR MUDDER,
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOWS IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER.

BUT MUDDER KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU 'APPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.
YOU HAIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY



and then there's...

Happy Hour in Newfoundland

A Newfie saw a sign at a restaurant.

It read....

Happy Hour Special:
Lobster Tail & Beer.

"Lard Tunderin Jaises!" he says to himself, "Me three favourite things!"
smilingatu Kitchener, Ontario Canada
Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A.


President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Bush " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland , Canada , eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Bush , the war is still on!
We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" George asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lard t'underin' b'y", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. "President Bush , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four b'ys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Bush ! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we're callin' off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said George . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN...canada
gemery Williams Lake, British Columbia Canada
rolling on the floor laughing smilingatu.

geo
kitty01 Edmonton, Alberta Canada
now you have me laughing so much I cannot drink my coffee.




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