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the kid was born white to mr mrs wong ol man was pissed off told his wife << 2 wongs dont make a white>>

Good come back Gordy!

Groannnnnnnnnnnn. Jokes like this, are weally, weally wong to make.

yea or just let them walk away, and see them going white and wong

Each Friday night after work, sun, snow or rain, Jack would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a moose steak. But, all of Jack's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled moose steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Jack, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Jack attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said: "You were born a Protestant and raised a Protestant, but now you are a Catholic."

Jack's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled moose filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Jack's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Jack, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a moose, you wuz raised a moose, but now you are a Codfish."

loved the story i bet it originated at fort mc money

Liked your story KHD








canadane

Leave it to a Newfie Three men, a Torontonian, an Albertan and a Newfie, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knew it, the three men found themselves

Standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St.Peter and the Devil

were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven

Is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of

people entering Heaven.

If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or

cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not,

then you'll come with me to hell."

The Torontonian then stepped up, "OK, give me the most

comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his

finger,a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The Torontonian read it

and concluded it was correct.

"Then, go to hell!" With another snap of his finger, the Torontonian

disappeared.

The Albertan then asked, "Give me the most complicated

Formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack

of paper appeared next to the Devil. The Albertan read it and

reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to hell!"

With another snap of his finger, the Albertan disappeared,too.

The Newfie then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a

chair!"

The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat."

The Devil did just that. The Newfie then sat on the chair and let

out a very loud fart.Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did

my fart come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."

Wrong," said the Newfie, "it's from my arshole."

And the Newfie went to Heaven !!!

I wonder how much of a stink the devil raised after that?

Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational
which, once again, asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter
it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new
definition :

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
laid.

7.Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8.Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's, like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets intoyour
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v, To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.

:))))

True Love

An elderly gent was invited to an old friends home
for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his
buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing
terms such as:

Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years
and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen , the man leaned over
to his host, & said:

'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call
your wife those loving pet names'.

The old man hung his head.

'I have to tell you the truth,' he said,
'Her name slipped my mind
about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is?

"Holy Crap, somebody snitched and the cops are looking for us...they were on the look out for 2 people, ONE SEXY AND ONE RETARDED! They got me....so find your helmet and crayons and get the hell going!!!"

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something , Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It 'In.'

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Sexual Favors'

7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'

8 Don t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14.. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'

19 Tell Your Children Over Dinner 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go'

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.. ......

Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile. Its Called ....therapy

Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much!

i am a joke to piss everyone off ///// its meeeeee ..how many of you did i get with that????

o k its sunday nite 1 st day in camp an im bored already

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.

2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.

3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.

4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.

5. Weed.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA

1. Big rock between you and B.C.

2. Ottawa who?

3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.

4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.

5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.

6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN

1. You never run out of wheat.

2. Your province is really easy to draw.

3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.

4. People will assume you live on a farm.



TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.

2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.

3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.

4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.

5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO

1. You live in the centre of the universe.

2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.

3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.

4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC

1. Racism is socially acceptable.

2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.

3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.

4. You can blame all your problems on the 'Anglo *#!%!'


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK

1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.

2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.

3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .

4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA

1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.

2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.

3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big, new bridge.

2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.

3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.

4. Everyone has been an extra on 'Road to Avonlea.'

5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.

6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND

1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.

2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.

3. The workday is about two hours long.

4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.


Pass this along to Canadians who need a laugh and foreigners who can learn something about Canada and then laugh.

Let's face it, we're a rare breed.

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that read, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said,
"He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that read, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that read, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last Year." The wife, so excited that her elbow then nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."


NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable, and he is expected to make a full recovery


rah rah rah

A professor at the University of Newfoundland was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks,

"How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands. That's fantastic.

"Now let me ask you one question further ... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.The professor takes off his glasses, and says

"Son, all the years I've Been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks,
"So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said Goats."

YUCK