blondeaozichick: I think this is the problem Butterfly was referring to.. you have to make yourself vulnerable and put your heart on the line to find out if a person is a 'real lover' who will cherish your heart.. to use your words and in this process that heart gets broken.. sometimes time and time again ..
and... what you wrote sounded lovely and very poetic ... but to me its a fairytale.. real life is not so lovely .. well in my experience anyway ...
just my humble opinion
Y-ellow Blondeaozichick 'n' all.
Absolutely. I'd been vulnerable most of my life. But I realized I don't have to be. There's a very good book called "Who's pulling yoru strings?" by one Harriet B Braiker PhD. It's basically about manipulation. How people are manipulated by others. The bottom line however is that whilst you might be railing against a manipulative person who constantly breaks your heart to enforce their will upon you, it is you who actually allows them to do it. If you did not play your role in the game, they would not be able to play you.
You need to have a strategy to break this cycle of course. And that is the tricky part. AND perhaps more importantly, you have to be prepared to lose that person, that relationship entirely.
Having said that, A skillfully manipulative person is only hanging around you because they CAN manipulate you easily. The moment you get wise, that person will move on to a softer target. It's what manipulative people do. As soon as you refuse to take the bait, it all becomes too hard for them. Because the bottom line with a manipulative person is that they are weak willed cowards who's only charge in life is getting the thrill out of enforcing their will over others.
And I can tell you, I've known a few good ones in my time. (If that's not an oxymoron?)
In fact, truth be known, I'm currently a carer for a bonefied "Charismatic Psychopath." You get very good at spotting the manipulations.
And that's what it comes down to. No-one who cares is going to break your heart. Not deliberately anyway. And if you're hardened against these things, those types who would, will move on pretty quickly. Long before they get a chance to break your heart.
Well, that's the theory anyway. Bare in mind that there are people out there who are very very good at this stuff and there will always be someone who'll take you by surprise. But! more likely, you're going to meet the kind of people who either A, are going to move on quickly to a softer target, or B will appologize profusely should they accidently hurt you.
The latter are genuine. The former are not and you could do without them in your life.
The trick is, to understand the risks when you go into it. To also understand the bottom line of what you'll get out of it even if it all goes awry.
And if it does. At least you can say. "Hey I had a good time... Jerk!"
Because, as the tag-line for the movie "Muriel's wedding" says.
"The best revenge is to live well."
I know it's hard. I've blown a vast proportion of my life being puppeted by heartbreakers and manipulters. I've probably not got a great deal of useful life left. But I'm not letting those "Bastards and bitches." take what little, I've got left as well. I may never find true love. But I intend upon having as much fun as I can trying.
Now I'm off to invite my little Chinese friend to lunch. Wish me luck.
And, just out of being pragmatic and hopefully helpful, if anyone is immediately desperate for that book and can't find it, (Or afford it.) email me privately.
Hope this helps.
be absolutely Icebox.
That Evil Yeti Guy
