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This topic has probably been done to death, but I just had to get it off my chest.

Yes, the truth is out there, somewhere.

These last couple years I have struggled to find an HONEST man. Let me begin with the experience I had last week for example.......

I met a guy a couple weeks ago off this site, and man what an eye opener that was. He seriously believed he could get away with telling me that a) he is separated from his wife, and b) the kids DONT live with him. Now I feel awful about the times I spent with this guy, coffees, drinks etc, because somewhere back at home the poor missus is doing the cooking and cleaning for this sonofabitch! Sometimes I have to really try not to laugh out loud, because these guys really think I am not smart enough to work them out. It all comes unstuck though when you offer to go round theirs armed with a pizza and DVD hey?

Now don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the whole charade, because my 'jerk' radar is getting better!

I wonder now though, is it affecting me finding a decent guy do you think? And why do I only get the married guys who want affairs, because it has happened to me more than once? Am I too trusting, gullible, too honest myself or lacking confidence?

I invite any comments and feel free to berate.

Sam

Cause their wankers. Walk the Walk and bullshit when they talk.

Don't mean to put a downer on here about this, but when you figure out the answer please let me know...

what annoys me more is when someone knows they have been caught out lying and still insist that they are tellin the truth.. grrrr

don't get me started, what part of being an honest person don't some people get, is it too much to ask for??????????????

ok had my vent.. ..

Because the type of guy you seek. Is the type of guy whose going to play.

We're all looking for some sort of ratio between looks and feelings. And then select on what we see on the surface and not whats underneath.

The Male population can hop on here and berate you from here to china, for not asking the right questions. For not doing a police check.

But they will mostly all do something similar. Watch the forums for example. As soon as a pretty photo watch the guys (Me included) come slobbering around. Loaded with innuendo and One liners.

I really do think virtual dating can work. But I do believe you have to both drag each other into the forums and see how you interact with others. See how they interact on a serious thread and on a light thread.

Do they stand up for others or are they all on themselves.

I am just as bad as i depict others. I search for the balance of looks with feelings. But i'm still not Happy yet to dial back on the looks and increase the emotional side. Yet I bet I would find a nicer more accepting person if i did.

Lieing is a necessary part of life.

it is knowing when and where. How far to take it. And when to come clean.

Its not the lying thats wrong. Its the apropriateness of the lie.

A lie works when no one gets hurt; and egos are fuelled. A few well placed lies can boost ones self confidence 100%. One bald faced lie can destroy ones self confidence for years.

Don't berate lying. Berate the timing or the situation.

mmm seems to me Ive just been lied to also , My nice man...caught in a lie mmm not a gr8 start to something potentially wonderful hey.
will keep ypu posted but gotta say Im dissapointed ...
Kizzy27

Yes Kizzy do keep us posted, because now I am interested to know how you found out, why there was a lie in the first place etc. etc.

Very interesting responses so far.

Sam

Oh, one more thing. I recon its also due to the fact our mind is clouded by the whole excitement that a relationship brings. When we notice things arnt right to begin with, our mind tends to go into denial. We tell ourselves that this person is too perfect to hurt us. I know this in myself because I look back and think "geez, what was I thinking, that guy really treated me like s**t?".

And personally looks come second to brains. I am not a looks person, you can ask any of my family members, lol. Mental stimulation is the go.

Sam

Oh, one more thing. I recon its also due to the fact our mind is clouded by the whole excitement that a relationship brings. When we notice things arnt right to begin with, our mind tends to go into denial. We tell ourselves that this person is too perfect to hurt us. I know this in myself because I look back and think "geez, what was I thinking, that guy really treated me like s**t?".

And personally looks come second to brains. I am not a looks person, you can ask any of my family members, lol. Mental stimulation is the go.

Sam

Have decided fate ,destiny will work it all out for me ..In the hands of the gods now ....
baffleing Ill post at the outcome if there is one ..
Kizzy

Interesting topic...

Well for starters you're a very attractive gal so a guy's gonna see you and think how am I going to get that babe. If a guy thinks he has to lie to get you then he will. Not all guys are like that.

I personally know of people who just lie alot to get what they want. Obviously they don't think properly about life. They are very self-centred and don't care about what their actions are doing to others. Pleasure is more important then doing the right thing. They block themselves off from feeling guilt so they can live with themselves. That's why it's hard to tell when they're lying because they are so used to it and don't feel bad about it anymore. They justify it by telling themselves that they're not hurting anyone if no-one else knows. But the truth eventually comes out. No-one can keep a facade up forever.

That's why it's best to get to know someone slowly, as friends first. Get to know the persons character and how they are with other people. It takes time. But like one of the guys said, what you value is what you will attract. So ask yourself what is it that is causing you to attract men like that?? I've made so many stupid mistakes but it's because I was attracted to the wrong things.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. It's very helpful

The guy must've been pretty bored in his marriage to want to cheat in the first place , Personally , i cant stand it.. if you arent happy get out!!!

Looking at your profile , im kind of surprised you are single , i mean the photos of you are very good ones ( no-one really likes pics of themselves , we are our harshest judges ) so to me , i cannot understand why you would BE single ( p.s your pretty HOT!! lol ).


There will always be guys and girls who are looking into having an affair , unfortunately , its a sad part of life , and not everyone has a fine tuned jerk radar , so sometimes it is hard to spot the fraudsters , but yes.. unless he lives in a cardboard box.. what man says no to pizza and a dvd.. thats definitely the front door to my place ( i dont think i could get you there quick enough if it was offered to me lol )


Happy hunting

Lok out

I think people...mainly guys lie just so they can get their next notch on their belt or simply to sound more interesting then they are....or simply like to play games, i do know all three kinds of guys as some of my so called friends are in fact some of them, as much as i hate that part about them. Myself id prefer to be truful all the time and am known to be brutaly honest at times and i myself prefer to hear the truth even if its hurtfull. But all in all there are honest people in this world they are jus thard to find. Theres nothing wrong with being a nice person, just the wrong type of people are attracted to nice and kind individuals, its happend to me in a ways but in a different aspect.

So, you want to be berated. I think that I can accommodate you there.

"Why do some people find it necessary to lie?"... Even a person of limited intellect would know that, if a guy was to send you an email saying 'I'm married and I want an affair', he wouldn't fare all that well so of course he is going to lie.

As for why do you only get the guys who are married and want an affair?... Well, You don't!
I'm sure that you have contacted, or been contacted by, genuine and honest guys but you have not seen them as worth your attention. Their honesty has been their downfall. They tell you the truth, whereas the liars will tell you exactly what you want to hear. You find the liars more attactive and so you persue them.

Then you say "these guys really think I am not smart enough to work them out."... well, you spent time with him (coffee, drinks etc) and yet you still didn't work him out until you offered to turn up with pizza and a DVD. So how smart does that really make you?

If someone appears too good to be true... he/she probably is!

You can blame him for lying... but you also have to blame yourself for choosing poorly.

Hey Bourbon. At least she's giving us a chance. She say's she is only looking for someone mentally stimulating.

Nice response

Drags, between the two of us.... we wont just stimulate her mind, we'll explode it.

I think you just have to try and sus them out a bit more on here, check out what times they are online. If they are only online during the day while at work and if their photo is not visable to all, , alarm bells might ring. If you meet them a few times, get ask for their home number or get them to call you in the evening. All those things might help.
I have been on internet sites for years and to my knowledge I have not dated a married man. Either they have been able to keep it from me or it just hasn't happened....YET

yes sam there is a lot of jerks out there but we the men that are honest about our situation also feel the backlash of people like that through the miss trust that is built from those very acts. with your good looks and intelligents you will have the good graces to weave your way through life and find the rite one for you sorry i am not ten year younger to proof to you there is honesty and intigrity in some of the male species. but as they say through the faults of a minority the majority will suffer

one other thing sam read the post for almost 36 melbourne victoria and the post for dragon4 hasting n.z i believe they are written by the same hand so even in debate you have those that hid behind a facade(as both like to say)haha...go with your head girl and release your heart slowly and you will get what you want