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During the Australian gold rush period there were quite a few chinese labourers making a quid on the fields .
Well to cut a long story short the English gentry at the time did not like this , so they kicked the Chinese labours out of the fields. the chinese took up all different professions "IE" laundry restaurants and so on .


One chinese fellow whose name was Ling took to making wooden fences. he was very proud of his fences as every one had to be done by hand , cut lapped nailed and so on.


He just finished this fence for a well to do business man (English of course), when the gentle man said he would not pay Ling as it was the shoddist peice of work he has seen.


Poor Ling was thunder struck as he turned red then purple and also blue . he lost it threw his hands up in the air ran around the yard yelling out who pay ling who pay ling.


ever since the wooden fence in aust has been called a "paling" fence.

> > Jim went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The
> > doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he
> > would be with him in just a few minutes. When Jim sat down and began
> > observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to
> > the
> > doctor's desk.
> > 1. A tube of K-Y jelly
> > 2. A rubber glove
> > 3. A beer
> >
> > When the doctor finally came in, Jim said, Look Doc, I'm a little
> > confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for,
> > and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER
> > is for?
> >
> > At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over
> > to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his
> > nurse...........
> >
> > Dammit, Helen..... I said A BUTT LIGHT !!!!

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!"

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter- ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one of them had to let go, beacause otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to decided who should let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands......

Martha lost her husband 3 weeks ago, She had him cremated
and brought his ashes home and keep them on the end table.

The other day she picked up the urn and went out to the patio,
She sat down at the patio table and poured him out on the table.

She set there looking at the ashes while tracing her fingers in them. After a few mimutes she started talking to the ashes.

'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me?
I bought it with the insurance money!'

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, 'Herman, remember that car you promised me?
Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!'

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, 'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!'

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said,
'Herman, remember that bl*w job I promised you?'

'Here it comes.'

Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.
While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.
The first guy says, 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know...
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.

The second guy says, I'm a D.I.N.K.Y, you know...
Double Income, No Kids Yet.

The third guy says, I'm a R.U.B., you know...
Rich, Urban, Biker.

The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O, you know...
Double Income, Little Dog Owner.

They turn to the woman and ask her. What are you?

She replies: I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fark, Etc.

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?' 'About 32,' is the reply.'

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't ,' she says.

'I was behind you at McDonalds.'

A question for the guys!

What does it mean when your galfriend can walk from the bedroom to the bathroom with cum down bothside of her mouth?

It just means she has to scrub a little harder on both sides to remove the facial before going to bed.

the floor is level

A woman gets into a cab and has the cabby take her home, when they get there she tells him she has no money. The Cabby turns to look at her and she has her Legs spread and asks " can I pay with this?" and he says "do you have anything smaller".

does that mean that he's a cheap ride?

this fellah comes home after night shift and notices the missus still in bed, thinks he'll wake her up nice and steady. creeps in under the sheets without waking her, works his way slow up between her legs. slowly the wife is moaning and groan with pleasure. the fellah creeps out of the bed and goes into the kitchen. takes one look at his wife and says WTF are you doing here. Sssssh says the wife you'll wake your mother.

i was think more like