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OMG Jason, that is devastating. I really think you need some proper councelling to deal with this, not everyone's 2 cents worth. Bipolar disorder is bad enough without adding in schizophrenia also. You must be exhausted as well as your wife, it is debilitating. You both need so much support. You need to surround yourselves with loving, helping people and you need to find time for everyone involved, your wife, daughter and yourself. Get some professional help for yourself and your daughter to deal with what you are going through too. This does not only affect your wife and I am sure that with the correct way of handling the situation, it will make life a little easier.

thanks ralf but she has counselling and her families involved also,I have custody of my daughter and for her sake I am divorcing my wife...

I still think that you both (you and your daughter) need councelling to help deal with it also. I am sure it will have been quite distressing for you all. Even though you are divorcing, you will still have contact with her and you need to know for yours and your daughters sake how to interact with her to the best of your ability to ensure both your daughter and wife can sustain a loving relationship. At the end of the day, this is not your wife's fault and doing everything you can to make sure your little girl still has a loving mum will make you the greatest dad in her eyes. Get informed, read articles on the net, ask your doctor and utilise local government support systems. The better informed you are the better you will be able to cope. good luck.

My ex doesn't really have or want anything to do with my daughter,she sees her for 2 hrs a week at a supervised contact centre.
Where I walk in one door drop off my daughter and she comes in the other door,I have no contact with my wife.I don't blame her for the illness and know it's not her fault but I just couldn't handle it anymore.
I was SO close to a total nervous breakdown I had no choice but to walk out on her.

Hiya Jason,
Feel for ya mate.
Have worked some with the mentally ill and could only imagine the problems of living with someone that has multiple mental illness (co-morbidity in medical jargon). It makes controlling their condition so much more difficult as drugs will interact differently. If she has had 40 ECT's in 3 years it must be pretty bad.
All I can suggest is to keep up to date with what's happening and make sure your daughter grows up understanding the effect serious mental illness can have on a person and that it's not that her mother doesn't love even though she may never be able to show it in a way that your daughter can understand.
Treatment's are improving all the time and one can but pray that one day they will be able to stabilise her condition. Not just for you and your daughter's sake but also for her own well being.
I have just finished working on a High Dependency Locked Psychiatric Unit so I understand some of the stuff you must have gone through but then I was only there for 40 hours/week not 168 like you so I don't suffer the accumulative effects, plus I could change wards. I think you did quite well sticking it out for so long I know a lot sure as hell wouldn't.

I feel sorry for you both How would I feel? Jason I truly believe unless you have been in that situation or are in, it is impossible to answer.

I don't want to scare you but it's contagious.Been there.

They say it's best to eliminate all stress from that persons life.Also keep family finances away.Most of the time people around that situation feel like they are walking on egg shells.Any move or decision is the wrong one,and gets a disruptive sometimes angry and violent response.
It's good that you know about it though.



Sorry friend.

OMG Jason my heart goes out to you, as so many here have said and i will not repeat myself but i agree with Pockets,Ralfff and all the others, that counselling for both you and your daughter is possibly in order, i have posted on another thread awhile back about my son, i too believe he is Bi Polar, and due to all the drugs he has become involved with, he has completely lost touch with reality, i have had no choice but to alienate myself from him, after taking it for 15yrs i had to take a stand, i have been to a counsellor and had a chat and it does help, and still does, this type of illness is so difficult for us to understand and breaks my heart everyday thinking of the beautiful young man i raised and wat he has become today,
good luck Jason its a hard one i know

Hi Jason

I'm sorry you have had to live with someone like that. It can be very tiring, you really never know where you stand with them. My first hubby was bi-polar (although refused to be tested for it) Put it this way, he was a classic at all the symptoms. Mind you all the other Aussie girls I knew who were married to dutch guys were going through the same thing, which is why I came to the conclusion that the dutch race as a whole suffer from bi-polarism. (I know I will get some bites from that comment, but too bad !)

I also have a girlfriend here who is married to a diagnosed bi-polar man, who even with medication is a complete arsehole. She made the mistake recently of having a child, so now things are even harder for her.

Personally, you are better out of the marriage. Counselling is not going to make things better and medications are only temporary fixes. It is a mental condition that never goes away. If you feel you are a strong person and you married for the good and the bad, and sickness and in health stuff, then stick with it and I wish you luck.

But if you are worried for your mental/physical health and that of your daughters then go. Don't feel guilty about it, because there is nothing you can do to change this and you will only end up in an early grave through the stress of the whole business...and that would be of no use or good to your little girl at all.

Save yourself and don't feel guilty.

Good luck with it Jason, I feel for you mate

I don't look for sympathy here Abe but I think I should also tell you a;; that I have an ABI from a rta when I was 14 which in itself had already made my life a bit more difficult.I have accepted my disabilities (which are mainly physical) so this on top of that made a slightly awkward or bigger problem.I only married this lady because I got her pregnant and I felt it was the responsible thing to do.

Hey Jason...I know you aren't looking for sympathy or a pat on the back at all, so don't fret. I guess all I was getting to in that monologue was that I know what it is like to live with people who have this problem...and its all well and good to say remove the stress from their lives, make things easier, but this is rarely possible because a big part of this disease turns them into dominating people...and they are usually the ones in control of finances and such. I was personally not able to stand up to my ex, no way was I a strong enough person for that. My girlfriend is stronger than me, but still cannot get control of even shopping money.

Anyway, I am getting off the point again...Just think that your child's mental well being needs to be put first.

As for why you got married, honourable but time to put it behind you. My second marriage was a shotgun. I didn't want to get hitched originally...and time proved it not to work out (but for different reasons to yours)

The question is, 'How do You Feel'? Im not sure what i get out of your question, but if that was my partner I would continue to love him no matter what. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you and your 3yr old, but is your confusion more to do with whether you still want to be with your wife or is is a confusion of what to do, because if it is a confusion of what to do, I'm sure if you spent abit of time working with doctors and councillors and may even support groups for this sickness, you may feel differently. My sister has bipolar and her husband still continues to love and cheerish her, and always there by her side, no matter what, because he has the support from various groups, friends, church and family. she has suffered this for almost twenty years they have 6 beautiful children and yes he finds sometimes it is hard, and thats when the various support groups, friends and family come into play. Your wife is still the wonderful loving person you married, hang in there, be strong Jason. I do feel for you and i do have a little understanding of what you maybe going through, but be strong and try find some support groups near you, talk to your friends and family about it. May the good lord bless you Jason.

No! Marriage isn't like an old pair of shoes. If they don't fit like they did when u purchased them, you just get rid of them. No, marriage is an oath between two people, for better or worse, .... not just for better. What sort of role model would Jason be to their child? What sort of damage would that child go through if dad leaves mum because of a sickness? That is not right, sorry, but im a staunch believer of staying in a marriage for better for worse unless death threatening, or abuse, or anything illegal.

Walking out on a marriage for something that his wife could had no control over is not right, that is weak.

And there it is Jason.....Thats what i said in my first message....What do you want? I think you have already made up your mind, so I guess at the end of the day there really wasnt any need for your question was there, i mean look at how the marriage came about. You mention your not looking for sympathy, but you more or less gave your wife sympathy when u married her, because you don't need to be married to be the best dad in the world. You could have still supported your baby without marrying the mother of your child. That poor poor child. Good luck with what ever your decision is Jason, good luck to your wife and your sweet baby.

I think what ppl are overlooking is that she has SCHIZOPHRENIA not just BIPOLAR,when she had her first breakdown,she was no longer the woman I married she became a totally different person.

Yes, that could well be true Jason, i wish you all the best with what ever you decide, i'm sure it isn't easy for you. Good luck for the future Jason....

Any mental illness is extreamely difficult to come to terms with . Whats important is you remember that it isnt the persons fault it is the same if they had cancer or Diabetes It is an illness. In saying that however living with & trying to cope with someone who is suffering mental health issues is just about impossible . Your focus needs to be support & nurturing your daughter ,,If its tough on you imagine how hard for a baby.
good vibes yr way Jason
Kizzy

shelley_bee: No! Marriage isn't like an old pair of shoes. If they don't fit like they did when u purchased them, you just get rid of them. No, marriage is an oath between two people, for better or worse, .... not just for better. What sort of role model would Jason be to their child? What sort of damage would that child go through if dad leaves mum because of a sickness? That is not right, sorry, but im a staunch believer of staying in a marriage for better for worse unless death threatening, or abuse, or anything illegal.

Walking out on a marriage for something that his wife could had no control over is not right, that is weak.

That's your opinion Shelley...I've been there thanks, and was just voicing my opinion.

Don't lecture me on that thanks.

Jason will choose to do what suits him...regardless of what you or I think or believe

I have a relative that has Schizophrenia, but thats a relative, Can't honestly answer how I would react with a partner who gained a mental illness. I think unless you are in the situation or have been in it, a answer would be hard.

good luck