Australia/New Zealand Forums 100% Free Online Dating

Omg that was the funniest thing I have read in ages, will keep this angel smiling all day hehehe

yeah its a pisser alright !! Welcome to the au forums
Kizzy

Thankyou kizzy

couldn't resist posting this ......found online somewhere......

THE 10 RULES FOR CYBERSEX
part 1


1. Before becoming involved in any kind of cybersex, please make sure your spouse, boyfriend, kids, etc. are out of the room at the time, (preferably out of the house and not during a major holiday when your in-laws are also present or at a time when all your relatives are in attendance). It really gets difficult to explain the moaning and groaning, while the buzz of various "toys" can be heard.

2. For men, before you begin, please check that your modem protector is on, along with the splash guard for your keyboard. It will stop the future embarrassment of telling the computer technician that your keys are "stuck" and you have no idea why.

3. For women, no matter what you are truly wearing, such as: sweatpants, sweat shirt, torn bathrobe, slippers, t-shirt with stains on the front, bloomer underwear that could cover a car or be used for a parachute, always tell your potential cyber partner you are wearing a thong, garter belt with black stockings, and your best Wonderbra (the one that has everything pulled up so high your belly button is under your chin), and a pair of high heels. We don't want to destroy that myth that all women dress that way when we sit down at the computer (although I truly wear these things each and every time I sit in front of my computer, it does seem to cause a bit of a commotion at the office, - but I have certainly worked my way up the ranks in the company because of it). As for what the man should be wearing, we all know that they are all naked and wearing just a smile.

4. If the cyber begins to get very hot please refrain from straddling your monitor. There are many emergency room stories to be told if you get overly excited, not to mention the many years of therapy to get you to let go and not continue this sordid affair with your 15" screen.

5. If the cyber is not going well, please let the other person know in the best way you can. It is not very polite to tell them that you are doing your nails, have just made up your grocery list for the next month, shingled the house, pulled out one of your wisdom teeth because you were bored, would rather read the instructions on how to set the time on your VCR, checked your fridge to make sure the light still works when you open the door, and last but not least, stuck your tongue to an ice cube tray to stop the monotony.

part 2

6. When it really starts getting hot and heavy, please check your spelling before you send that embarrassing typo, i.e., oh baby, let me suck on those beautiful beasts of yours. I just love your hot, wet posse (although it does kinda put a western slant on Things - hmmmm, things could get interesting with boots and spurs though). Oh baby, you have such a big coke, (hope you got the supersized fries and burger with that). That's it baby, show me that beautiful clint, (go ahead, make my day), and the proverbial oh fork me hard!

7. Pay attention to what is going on. Please refrain from putting your "coke" in one place, when your cyberpartner had just typed that it was someplace else. If you have no clue as to where the cyber is going, ask to buy a vowel. If you are really lost and can't keep up, or you had a case of premature cybering, and really do not feel like typing for 3 days to satisfy your female counterpart, just pretend you got bumped off-line. That always works and at least she won't take it so personal. Please refrain from the excuse, "I have to let my dog out."

8. Once both cyberpartners have been satisfied, or faked satisfaction, (oh great, we now have the added pressure of faking cyber-orgasms too), at least say thank you. (Thank you can mean, thank God its over, or THANK YOU because you truly had a wonderful time.)

9. If it was a truly bad experience, do not feel pressured into ever having cybersex with this person again. When they ask for your email address, just give them the wrong one. If they begin to pester you, it's proper etiquette to just bump yourself off-line, or just say HUH? I never got your message. Nobody needs to suffer a really bad cyber twice.

10. Last but not least, remember that cybersex will not make you go blind, unless you keep all the lights out in the house while having it, watching the screen in the dark does make your eyes burn. Realize that you may be addicted if your real life partner walks by naked and you'd rather be typing with one hand and still trying to keep a steady rhythm going. Sex can be just as nice with a partner you know. And just for variety, when your right hand gets tired, try dating your left hand for something different.

hey this is even better....

http://koutuk.blogspot.com/2006/11/when-cyber-sex-goes-wrong.html

Well, yes, could be a problem.
As my daughter just said, would make you think twice about webcamming again wouldn't it.
But then if it hadn't been for the tea call they would have ended up bragging to their mates about it.
Then if it was discovered suicide would be the only option.

Just fell off my chair i was laughing so hard

Ha Ha Ha laugh my head off that was well thought
you should write a noval LOL

I intend too!!!! welcome to the forum
well just had a lil experiance a first for me onsite !Iwas just contacted by a rather good lookig young man by the name of alenb via IM . The difference between this & other ims was he was NAKED!!! totally now girls Ill warn you he has gotta great bod !!! vert well endowed & abs that im sure would make van dame jealous , his pic sar e awesome but i wanted to se if he was real... guess what he is I even made him ytake his shirt off as proof it was really him !!! yep same abs I compared other pieces of his anatomy just to be sure ...

anyhow where was i lost my train of thought there for a minute Oh I know , hes a scammer asked for $$$ a cam boy !!!! so careful but just check out the guy just incase you run into him recognition purposes only
Kizzy

Ha ha and yep he looks 100% Asian too..

Hey Dawgs, how do you know that.....you seen him too?

ha ha ah aI was cammin with him red was on Im lol she said profile says asian i said well i neva read his profile lol so I say to him hey you dont look asian he says oh thats an error if you want to do more ill need some money Im a stuggling student mmmm said to red im not that desparate but tell ya what ill know where to come when im 85 !!! yeeha !! I should starta lil savings account now
Kizzys cummin kit !!! lmfao did I just say that OMG !!! I am bad

Now I just went back to his profile ....yeah ok i was gonna have another peep anyway he has changed it different guy altogether !!! big suprise there .. diff pic they must be shift scammers lol Im gonna report him or them cloths are on so no loss
kizzy

Kizzy's Cummin Kit! I love it!

Sorry? I don't get the joke. I don't see the problem?




(to get this, see where I live)

(I'm not a native so I can make those sort of jokes)