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I love it!!!!....

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room service at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"

G: "What?"

RS:"San tos. July San tos?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo one toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow
English mopping we bother?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.'
Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

RS: "We bother?"

G: "No...just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"

G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey
sigh, and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say"

RS: "Tendjewberrymud!"

G: "You're welcome."

Goodbye S.S.

Go away girl, go away
and let me pack my dreams
Now where did I put those yesteryears
made up with broken seams
Where shall I sweep the pieces
my God they still look new
There's a taxi waiting at the door
but there's only room for you

Spike Milligan


Porridge

Why is there no monument
To Porridge in our land?
It it's good enough to eat,
It's good enough to stand!

On a plinth in London
A statue we should see
Of Porridge made in Scotland
Signed, "Oatmeal, O.B.E."
(By a young dog of three)

Spike Milligan

Silly old baboon

There was a baboon
Who one afternoon
Said I think I will fly to the sun
So with great palms strapped to his arms
He started to takeoff at a run

Mile after mile he galloped in style
But never once left the ground
You’re going too slow said a passing crow
Try reaching the speed of sound

So he put on a spurt My God how it hurt!
Both the soles of his feet caught on fire
As he went through a stream there were great clouds of steam!
But he never got any higher

On and on through the night, both his knees caught alight
Clouds of smoke billowed out of his rear!
Quick to his aid were the fire brigade
They chased him for over a year

Many moons passed by … Did Baboon ever fly?
Did he ever get to the sun?
I’ve just heard today, he’s well on his way
He’ll be passing through Acton at one.

spike milligan



I love Spike ..

nice se to love porridge and spike milligan was cool.

diffrence between males and females


we are different alrighty ...


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION ( ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we get do 'it'.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

laugh

Circus. Sprechstallmeister announces:

“Now we are going to witness a unique number! A boy with a phenomenal memory will pee on the first three rows of spectators...”

People from the first three rows start to scatter in various directions...

Sprechstallmeister exclaims:

“Ladies and gentlemen! There’s no point in running away!!! As I said: the boy has PHENOMENAL memory!”

* A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

* Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

* Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

I cried on this one... although my conversations with clients probably happened to be similar

A woman asked the waiter, "Is this milk fresh?"

He said, "Lady, three hours ago, it was grass."

hehe....yes, sometimes things can be a little too fresh, innit??....

Hey, Lago Good evening to you


Here's another one:

My photographs don't do me justice -- they just look like me.

awwhh love it haha

A Russian man went into an English pub and ordered a glass of beer:

Van birr!

A waiter served him a glass of beer that he put on a glass mat.

Few minutes later the Russian man ordered the second glass of beer:

Van birr!

The waiter came with the second glass of beer, and wanted to put it on the glass mat from the first time. But it wasn’t there. “OK, – thought the waiter, – the tourist took it as a souvenir…” And he used the other glass mat.

Few minutes later the Russian man ordered the third glass of beer:

Van birr!

The waiter came with the third glass of beer, and when he didn’t see the glass mat, he went irritated and put the glass straight on the table.

The Russian man lifted the glass, looked under it, looked if the glass mat has stuck to the bottom of the glass, and then asked with some disappointment:

Bat ver iz de biskit?

Q: how many women with pms does it take to change a light bulb?

A: it just does ... okay???

Q: why is a woman's waist called a waist?

A: cos you could get another pair of tits in that space.

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?


A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.