jokes, funny poems and quotes

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sasseez lakes entrance, Victoria Australia

Q: Why are married women heavier than single Women?


A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
hole



Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
Q: Why are married men heavier than single men?

A: Single men come home, see what's in the fridge, have the last beer, and go to bed.

Married men come home, see what's in bed, see nothing in the fridge, and go out to a bar...


handshake
guiriman south of milan, Lombardy Italy
Q: why couldn't the woman get the BBC on the television

A: it was a microwave

dancing



Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
....that'll lurn them!...professor

guiriman: Q: why couldn't the woman get the BBC on the television

A: it was a microwave



sasseez lakes entrance, Victoria Australia

Q. Why are men so happy?


A. Because ignorance is bliss. roll eyes
ghost007 swieqi, Majjistral Malta
Lagoona22: ....that'll lurn them!...


good morning world great day ...banana banana and hey weekend ....applause and have decided to start my day being nice for a change LOL so Lago this one is for you for all the bald jokes levied at you angel ok guys and girls what can one say thats nice about lago.....hmm lets see laugh well in the attraction department he is tall and broad shouldered .....that should go down well with the female fan club.....but best of all he is a great listener ....a rare quality today bouquet ...ok off to work .....just in the nick of time ..that my bout of being nice today .....left rampant who knows what i will say yay yay



Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
I suspect a Trojan Horse....cool

...who knows where the ax might fall??....cool


....the suspense will prolly kill me....frustrated


ghost007: good morning world great day ... and hey weekend .... and have decided to start my day being nice for a change LOL so Lago this one is for you for all the bald jokes levied at you ok guys and girls what can one say thats nice about lago.....hmm lets see well in the attraction department he is tall and broad shouldered .....that should go down well with the female fan club.....but best of all he is a great listener ....a rare quality today ...ok off to work .....just in the nick of time ..that my bout of being nice today .....left rampant who knows what i will say



Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
That'll lurn them!!....professor


sasseez: Q. Why are men so happy? A. Because ignorance is bliss.
ghost007 swieqi, Majjistral Malta
Lagoona22: I suspect a Trojan Horse....

...who knows where the ax might fall??.... ....the suspense will prolly kill me....




laugh laugh rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing grin angel shock shock yay



Amaryllis Brussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium
ghost007: good morning world great day ... and hey weekend .... and have decided to start my day being nice for a change LOL so Lago this one is for you for all the bald jokes levied at you ok guys and girls what can one say thats nice about lago.....hmm lets see well in the attraction department he is tall and broad shouldered .....that should go down well with the female fan club.....but best of all he is a great listener ....a rare quality today ...


Hey, ghost, my day is not bad either, so now that you ask ...

Lago is just adorable .. his sense of humour is to die for .. his bedimpled smile is simply captivating .. his brushstrokes with the touch of Permeke and Monet ..smitten elephant


Too bad I don't have a 36C ..crying crying crying
Tulefel Göteborg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden
Lagoona22: Q: Why are married men heavier than single men?

A: Single men come home, see what's in the fridge, have the last beer, and go to bed.

Married men come home, see what's in bed, see nothing in the fridge, and go out to a bar...





"They lived long and happy… elephant










And then they have met." moping
Tulefel Göteborg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden
Was reading forums just to catch up on whatsgoingon… wow! Looks like I missed a truly impassioned scandal… such a disappointment…crying

But it reminded me of a joke:

And Indian came to a hospital with a terrible wound in his head. On duty surgeon, who’s seen it all, just opened his mouth in astonishment. But professionalism took over, and the surgeon asked:

“What was it that caused this injury?“

“A peace pipe” the Indian answered.

cswelcome grin
issopui Siegen, Nordrhein-Westfalen Germany
OK here is mine hope u like it.

Lawyer Joke.

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"


doh doh doh dancing dancing dancing
guiriman south of milan, Lombardy Italy


A pretty young maid from Australia
Painted her ass like a dahlia.
The colour was fine,
And so the design,
But what else she painted, can't tell yer!

love



sasseez lakes entrance, Victoria Australia
doh laugh
guiriman south of milan, Lombardy Italy
sasseez: doh laugh


comfort .. love
Tulefel Göteborg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden
TRAINING
ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. Sign up early and get a discount on registration!

The topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available
guiriman south of milan, Lombardy Italy
TRAINING
ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO WOMEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. Sign up early and get a discount on registration!

The topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

THE DRIVING MIRROR - BEYOND MAKE UP
An examination of other practical uses for this most versatile driving tool.


SHOP TIL YOU DROP
How to drop a bit more bloody quickly.


TELEPHONE CALLS IN UNDER 3 HOURS
Real life testimonial from the one woman who did

MATH AND SHOES
Basic math introdutory lecture examining the question of how many shows two feet really need.

DAY TWO

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO PARK NEAR ENOUGH TO NOT NEED TO TAKE A BUS TO THE KERB?
Driving simulation

REVERSING A CAR
Done with Attention and Care or a Wing and a Prayer? - debate

SEX
why moaning during sex doesn't mean complaining about the unpainted ceiling
Individual counsellors available

PERSONAL LIFESKILLS
How to lift a toilet seat - a pratcal demonstration.

GETTING OVER IT; YOUR FLAWS AND REALITY
Individual counsellors available



peace
Tulefel Göteborg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden
rolling on the floor laughing


That was really funny - thank you for a good laugh!
Tulefel Göteborg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden
Three at the morning, wife tugs her husband:

Darling! Wake up! Wake up!

He: Ah? What? Where? Who?

She: Wake up! My headache is over!


elephant




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