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I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth, it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle.
It wasn't mine.

funny

Ouch!!...that's very funny!!..

Hi Sass

I love this thread you created... it's cool!

Here's another one:

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands... and the two of them were just napping.

Hi Lago

My brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

You kill me sometimes Ama.....don't do that too often....

Hi Lago

Hi everyone ..



some silly quotes


1. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.


2. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him
a sandwich.


3. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet
and they won't bother you for weeks.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

My dear Child!

I know that you don't read very well, hence I'm writing slowly. If you've got this letter then it means that it's reached you. If not, then let me know and I'll write another one.

Some time ago your Daddy has learned from a newspaper that most of accidents occurs near one's home, therefore we have moved. Our new home is excellent! Especially the wash machine that is very effective, though I don't know how it works. Yesterday I put some laundry into it and pushed the button – everything was washed away at once. Now I have to find the manual.

Your Daddy has got a new job. Imagine – 500 people are under him! He mows lawn on a cemetery.

Your sister has got married and is expecting her first baby. It's too early to determine its sex so I can't yet tell you whether you are going to become Uncle or Aunt. Your sister said, if the child will be a girl, she will give her my name. But I think it's a rather strange idea to call your own child "Mum".

The other day a funny episode has happened to your brother: he locked his car, but left the keys inside. He had to walk all the way home (20 km) in order to fetch the second set of keys, and to let us out of the car.

Weather here is not that bad. The last week it rained only twice: for three days in the beginning of the week, and for four at the end.

Your loving mother

PS I meant to put some money into this letter but have already sealed the envelope.

Probably everybody knows this one but for the few that don't

Birdie Birdie in the sky
Dropped a white thing in my eye
I'm a big boy I didn't cry
But I sure am glad cows don't fly.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

...I LOVE it!!!!!....peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

Heyy, Hi Lago

Ain't it great to have weekends? I luv it!

His wife dresses to kill.

She cooks the same way.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the
service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of
my
own funeral.........I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted.