jokes, funny poems and quotes

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MARTI msida, Majjistral Malta
Thanks for clearing the situation here Jo..bouquet



Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
Irish Love Story

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.


He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.


With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.


Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?


Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon...


“Feck off!” she said, “They're for the funeral.



sasseez lakes entrance, Victoria Australia
laugh rolling on the floor laughing thumbs up like it
wooffy Close to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium
jojo69: BODY MEETING :

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge !!

Now I am going to make a crossover into another thread with this one since the asshole is the boss and women usually think of men as assholes I think that men should have more than one wife then he could be the boss of many and let them work for him... uh oh doh I am overdoing it again


rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Tulefel Göteborg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden
Nominated as the world's best short joke of the year:


A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mummy', he asked, 'are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.



sasseez lakes entrance, Victoria Australia
Tulefel: Nominated as the world's best short joke of the year:A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mummy', he asked, 'are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.
rolling on the floor laughing like it wine
Tulefel Göteborg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden
The wife rings the door bell at 6 a m. The husband opens and sees that she’s barely standing on her feet, drunk, stockings torn, only one shoe, make up smeared, hair in disorder...

He asks: You think I’d let you in at this hour and in this state?!!

She answers: P-ffff... who cares... I’m just to fetch the guitar...


cheering



Amaryllis Brussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium
NEWS FLASH!

In Edinburgh, an inhabitant received a summons for indecent behaviour. According to witnesses, he has used his kilt in wiping the perspiration off his forehead.



Amaryllis Brussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium
NEWS FLASH!!

Weather forecast for tonight:

dark
MARTI msida, Majjistral Malta
Amaryllis: NEWS FLASH!!

Weather forecast for tonight:

dark


NEWS FLASH!!

Here is calm, starry & moony night...laugh
wooffy Close to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium
happy place
this must make you happy here it's just dark (really)

laugh
MARTI msida, Majjistral Malta
yupp!! daydream flirty shimmy




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