MOSSIES

Conrad73 Lonesome Town Zurich, Zrich Switzerland
bodleing: Wee Bast@@d-The Scottish Midge.No academic work on Scottish weather and culture would be complete without mention of the ubiquitous Scottish midge. South America has the pirhana. Africa has army ants. Scotland has the Midge. The Scottish midge is a flying insect so small as to be virtually undetectable except when it bites you to suck your blood. When the midge bites it feels like a sado-masochistic nurse has used a rusty hypodermic to take a blood sample. The midge is one of the perils of Scottish life.

Midges come in two distinct varieties. First the lone kamikaze. This type of midge has no respect for its own life. Its sole aim is to hone in on your exposed flesh, bite you as painfully as possible, suck your blood and then heroically give up its life under the slap of your palm. At these moments traditionally one utters a Scottish meditative mantra designed to help one cope with pain “ya fuckin wee basta” (English translation -take that you nasty little illegitimate fly). There is some debate in the scientific community ( see for example McSporran and McCracken 1997 “Wee Midgies n ither nasty bastards“) about whether they kamikaze midge is a distinct species. It has been noted for example that almost invariably an attack by a kamikaze is accompanied some minutes later by the second variety - The Scottish Sociable midge.

The Scottish Sociable Midge shares the instinctive socialist tendency that is inbred into the Scottish character. The Sociable Midge likes to hang around with its pals when its “oot on the toon”. Much like Scottish Man the midge may drink alone but by preference it prefers to be carousing with others. And just like Scottish Man it has a tendency to get a bit loud, boisterous and argumentative when its had a few. The attack of the sociable midge is a thing to be feared. Your standing there rubbing the guts of the last kamikaze from your hands when the first squadrons land in town. They pop in for a couple of drinks and then rush back to tell their pals where the action is at. Next thing while your still rubbing your face from the last jaggy bite the whole airforce arrives and your being carpet bombed by Commander Midgie Harris. Not good.

The midge is, fortunately , only generally “oot on the toon” when the weather is damp. Unfortunately this is 364 days out 365 in Scotland. (See previous Chapters). In future chapters we will discuss the connection between the midge and Scottish outdoor pursuits.http://scotlandthedamp.blogspot.com/2006/02/wee-bastard-scottish-midge.html
We used to have those rotten Sandflies in the Islands.They are a Midge,and a real rotten Pest.laugh
Those Suckers can drive you batty!frustrated



Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
Great---let me see if I can get the nitro glycerine or whatever, and see if it works...idea
Conrad73 Lonesome Town Zurich, Zrich Switzerland
Lagoona22: Great---let me see if I can get the nitro glycerine or whatever, and see if it works...
Better watch it,besides being an Explosive,it is also an efficient Vasodilator!Drops your Bloodpressure in a Jiffy.Gives you Headaches like you never had before.laugh



Jan1305 Sunshine and vino, Murcia Spain
Damn little buggers!

I always get bitten and have to use a prescribed cream to reduce the swelling.

I use plug in thingies at night which seem to do the trick. A couple of weeks ago I forgot to plug it in and I was bitten on the eyelid whilst I slept. I woke up with an eye completely closed and swollen.

Tonight I went out, and we sat outside on a terrace, the temperature has been in the forties for over a week now. After half an hour or so the itching started. frustrated
markizamkd25 Republic of Macedonia Macedonia
Small things can make big change giggle giggle giggle Just smashed one on monitor uh oh



Mike_3215662324 Almuñécar, Andalucia Spain
Not one down here in the dry South. But back in Bucharest... We need the Archangel back, evil has struck with fearsome strength there mumbling



Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
I always knew you had a brutal streak!!...wow

I just sprayed one with underarm deodorant.....he died..

cool

markizamkd25: Small things can make big change Just smashed one on monitor
MARTI msida, Majjistral Malta
Lagoona22: I always knew you had a brutal streak!!...

I just sprayed one with underarm deodorant.....he died..


What makes you think it's a 'he'...zzzzzzzzzzzzz
wooffy Close to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium
MARTI: What makes you think it's a 'he'...zzzzzzzzzzzzz

true: how can you tell if it's a female or a male mosquito?
The females bites, draws blood and make a lot of noise while doing it. Does this remind you of any other species?
rolling on the floor laughing
wooffy Close to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium
the males just sit quietly waiting for sex with a female.
rolling on the floor laughing
MARTI msida, Majjistral Malta
wooffy: true: how can you tell if it's a female or a male mosquito?
The females bites, draws blood and make a lot of noise while doing it. Does this remind you of any other species?


Yeah, i'm quite similar..bzzzz...zzzzzrolling on the floor laughing
wooffy Close to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium
MARTI: Yeah, i'm quite similar..bzzzz...zzzzz

yeah me too but I'm male blues moping uh oh mumbling
MARTI msida, Majjistral Malta
wooffy: yeah me too but I'm male


so tonight the first mossie i see i'll think of you and say "wooffy how sweet of you to visit"..BANG!!grin
wooffy Close to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium
MARTI: so tonight the first mossie i see i'll think of you and say "wooffy how sweet of you to visit"..BANG!!

you see we sit quietly in the corner make no sound whatsoever and what happens we get blamed and squashed like a mini pizza.
a guy has a hard life mumbling

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
MARTI msida, Majjistral Malta
sorry love..peace
bodleing Greater Manchester, Greater Manchester, England UK
wooffy: true: how can you tell if it's a female or a male mosquito?
The females bites, draws blood and make a lot of noise while doing it. Does this remind you of any other species?


Real easy.

As you said, its only the female that bites.

Its only the female that wants our blood.



Wouldn't you just know it!!!




laugh



Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
Lagoona22: Diabolically evil little bastards....mosquitoes..it's Mossie Time in Malta darlings!!...bring your sprays or your sticks, and your bed nets et al...I sit here communing with you in the evenings, while these insects are having me for supper under the table....The evil about it is, the bites don't just go away in a day or so...they stay itchy forever!!!...I was bitten badly 3 days ago...I'm still scartching the same old spots..

I have a huge net hanging over my entire bed. Sleep would be impossible without it..

Do you have mosquitoes where you are, and do you get bitten?....I still don't understand it...this is a barren island, we have to distill our water from the sea....it's not as if we have loads of standing water. There's not one lake or flowing river in the whole place...I just don't get it. Where do the little shits come from??....do they procreate in almost-empty beer cans or what??
Think yourself lucky, only the female that bites you. Although maybe a good time to give up wearing your speedo's, you don't want the little critters getting to your wedding tackle now do you?

Yes, we have mossies in Austria, last year, you may remember I was really suffering when the lesbian bitches thought I was good fodder and I have screens at my windows, but they still manage to get in. I remember trying to sleep one night and that infamous buzz and feeling quite terrified that I was in a state of shock and scared to sleep. At one point I had 47 bites on me. Never when I was younger, but as I age, they do attack me, something to do with hormones which the females are attracted to.
wooffy Close to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium
just for you Martilaugh
MARTI msida, Majjistral Malta
wooffy: just for you Marti


there it is and i'm still under attack...lemme plug the mossies thingy..buggers..grin doh
wooffy Close to Antwerp, Antwerpen Belgium
MARTI: there it is and i'm still under attack...lemme plug the mossies thingy..buggers..


Sommer said it so eloquently "lesbian bitches" straight up two or three treadsrolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing




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