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if you ever remember anything I say remember this:

the others that did it to you are screwed up and loopy you are not. What you have done whatever it is is a reaction to what others have done to you.

Thank you so much for your understanding. And not judging me as a 'feckin loopy mere' lol

I think you underestimate your man jojo.

I´m sure he understands exactly how you feel.

Men aren´t so dopey you know. They just pretend to be so.

LOL Very true, but also a lot don't pretend, they actually ARE!!

But what you say about Phoenix is very true... He is very understanding and very patient. He has knocked down a lot of barriers of mine, and in thier place rebuilt a lot of confidence. He truely is a wonderful person!

Good for you two.

Thank you Jan.

Wishing you a safe trip tomorrow.

Imma.. I can understand how you must feel but i always thought of you as a strong gorgeous woman. So i'm positively sure you can overcome this problem.
One of my daughters was going through this eating disorder and thank God to mum's instincts that i noticed and immediately i took action. Our family doc could help as we realised it has only been going on for a short time. He said it was common in teenagers to try and look like models. He suggested to introduce her to her favourites carbohydrates and fats but to intake the food gradually and in small portions.
Now she's turned into a wonderful healthy sporty curvy 30 year old beauty.
Dear Imma please try and accept any help and suggestions from your loved ones so you can enjoy a healthy living and still look gorgeous...a mother's concern to you..

Jo Jo

I am so so happy for you that you managed to overcome your difficult moments. Sometimes we don't realise how we can be strong and move on to positive issues like to give as much love towards our kids.
Without knowing we are luckily surrounded by loving, thoughtful helpful humans whom we encounter by chance and call friends or lovers. Hold on to your Phoenix and don't forget to reciprocate the love. I'm sure your kids are supportive knowing how hard you tried to give them a decent life considering your difficulties.

Have a great life JoJo...we all deserve to be happy and loved.

Hi Lago,
About 3% of Americans have been diagnosed as having an eating disorder. Diagnosis is highly dependent on the person seeking help, which leads me to believe that the many who keep it hidden would bring that percentage up. So....., you might know more people with eating disorders than you realize. It is so easy to hide in some ways. If you appear to eat in front of others, no one knows the difference. And as Wooffy said, overeating and obesity are also eating disorders and I daresay when I lived in Canada (not so much in The Netherlands), every third or fourth person was obese. 31 freakin %!!!! in America. I don't know why they don't include that number in the percentage of people with eating disorders.

I know what started my problem. What keeps it coming back, I am not so sure. I was a fat child and teased a lot by a particular family member. It killed me as I adore him. I have strived all my life to get approval from him and losing weight did it. Terribly simple and terribly stupid, but terribly important to me. He doesn't say the words maliciously, he just says them unthinkinkingly. He is still able to make me go into a panic with a few words or make me feel euphoric because of praise. I KNOW it is dumb, but it is. He doesn't even realize what his words do ....Yes I know, I should tell him.....Yes, I should. I think it would be liberating for me.

By the way, if I end up on your doorstep in Malta, you need to stock up on the gluten free pasta (yes, I am an annoying allergy ridden house guest)

Hi Wooffy,
It is scary that people can survive for a long time in 'starvation mode' as you put it. But the long term repercussions are horrid. Calcium depletion and tooth loss, Low levels of potassium and other important minerals, low iron levels etc. Intestinal damage. Yup. I think I spoke of it here for pretty selfish reasons. I have discovered just in the last 2 years or so that if I speak of my problem and am able to admit to it, the less likely I am to let the monster that is my eating disorder emerge. Weird eh! And I don't actually know most of you in real life so it sounds even weirder that I am telling you all, but still it makes a difference to me. When we all quit smoking here, I was very motivated by the fact that I would have to 'fess up to the CS quitters if I smoked, so I didn't smoke. And now I don't feel the urge to smoke anymore.

Funny about the whole 'eating to survive 'thing of the past and the cultural implications that have emerged from that. When I went to Africa with my mom, she begged me to put on weight first as they would think us poor if I went the way I was......my poor mom!

Hi Ama,
Thank you sweet lady for your post. You have a heart as big as Texas! You don't have to say anything to make me feel better. That's not what I was looking for. I just needed to say what I needed to say.

I do feel for your friend, as her condition actively prevents her from enjoying certain everyday things. I hope she can someday find peace either through acceptance of how she is or through change. But your being there to support her I am sure means a lot to her.

Hi Lovely Lady,
My poor guy, he had no idea where my reaction was coming from. He had that stunned 'deer in headlights' look that men get when they have no idea what they have done, how they have done it and how to make it better ....

(Sorry guys, I had to throw that shot in).....

In the moment, I really could not speak of it in a rational way, so i just said that my eating habits were best not discussed. I realize now how hypocritical that was as I had brought up the subject.

But, I will speak of it with him one day.

I have finally reached the point in my non-smoking where I am not substituting food for cigarettes, so I have no doubt that I will return to my 'normal' weight - I will try and do it gradually through exercise and regular proper eating. (Oh my God, I don't even believe myself!!!) meant jokingly..

Aaaarrrggghh, I don't know Sommer. I'll manage...

Hi Jan,
Thank you. Very kind words amidst the no-nonsense honest observations. I always find it so 'je ne sais quoi', that people know of my eating issues by my words. I guess I suck at keeping a secret. haha. Ya. I think that part of the way that I deal with the whole food thing is to know as much about food as possible. So I can always go on and on about what caloric requirements people need blah blah blah. It is a bit frightening. A bit of madness. An obsession.

Perception is skewed. He sees me in one way, I see myself in another way. I live everyday with my perceptions.

Now, if only one could genetically create a lean body shape that had boobies.....

Dear Tulefel,
peeking out fearfully and waving the peace flag

You are gonna yell at me a lot over the next while I think.....Yikes!

I hate hate hate being told what to do, but ya, I sometimes put myself in a situation where I am just beggin' for someone to tell me what to do, so there is the dilemma....

Thanks for your input, but you lost me a bit...esoteric practices? I am not quite sure what that is. I shall do some research on it of course and try and learn more about it.

Thanks

Jo...big hug sent your way. Thanks for sharing your story. You said so many things that hit the nail over the head precisely. The issue of 'controlling something in your life', particularly when things feel out of control is one of the main things that perpetuate eating disorders.

It is wonderful that you can take an objective look at the things that influenced your life and how you responded to them. My heart goes out to you. With such strength, you will always be a survivor. 6 1/2 stone? That is 91 pounds (41 kg)...OMG!!

Your recent pictures visiting Rockabilly in France looked gorgeous, healthy and gorgeous.

Thanks so much for sharing. I was quite nervous starting this thread, but am very happy that I did now. It's always reassuring when you share something 'not so nice' that you think only you experience and discover others might also share it. The responses from all our wonderful CSers was very positive.

You take care now.

Dearest Marki,

You are beautiful. You seem to have this laid-back, calm attitude which is fantastic. You say it like it is. Enjoy sister!....

Okay, in my obsessive world, I need to know, what is your blood pressure. It is probably really really really low innit?

Hello Marti,
Thank you for your kind words. I am a strong person, which is why I get so upset when I cannot absolutely perfectly and effeciently deal with a problem. I guess the problem lies in how long the problem has been. I am so happy that y'all were able to first of all see the problem with your daughter. It is so important to deal with it early. But thanks again. I will deal with this.

exacty

Actually my mother is pleasantly plump, so I guess we are doin' okay.