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you're not giving much info here, it could be thousands of things
could be you're displaying your independance in a way he feels he's not needed, could be he is a control freak. dont know

I have to guess what he means.

Maybe because you are better educated than him, or you earn more money than him.

Or maybe you are bossy.


You should not overestimate this breaking up, your next relationship might develop differently.

Wait for a few days, then call him and ask him out for a date.
Maybe he wants you back.

If not, feel free to call me for a date

Its not a mans perspective but

I can say it could be that your not letting them do the little things for you that they like to do because your saying i can do it my self...
Men do like to feel there needed in someway in a relationship in anway they can help and be there for you..

If with everything you say oh i can do it i dont need anyone to help with this or that.. if they ask to do something for you or whatever it may be.. allow them isnt thats the point of a relationship so your not alone..

a lot of us women who have had to make it on our own for a long while sometimes find it hard not to be so independant and let others contribute to our lives in some way.... but its important to bring the man closer to us and let him be part of our lives..

I have to agree with liakos, it is all depending on who is telling you.

Being too independent, what is it anyway? Is it possible to be that? Of course, crossing the line into becoming unsocial or even hostile to other people, but as you are on here I guess that is not the case

I put it to failed chemistry and possible lack of trust / self confidence on his part.

What ever he meant, being independent is not a negative thing in this world.

I think for a substantial relationship, one juggles between idependence and interdependency. Too much or too little of either mix things up.

I am pretty sure this guy just has found a good excuse for breaking with you and your independence is not really the real reason.No one will break with you because you are an independent person.
Good luck

Thanks for all the opinions and words of comfort :)
well, I did not want to give lots of details, course then it would have been like "I said, and he said, and I did, and he thought......."

and, there are always two sides of the story, as you know.

I just wanted to know what does it mean, in general, "to be too independent"

An independent woman can move her furniture by herself and an independent man can do the cooking for himself, so in the end they both can easily end up being alone :) Maybe you should sometimes let your man feel strong; ask him for some help with moving furniture or something like that :)

That's what I would think too.

Most of the times it translates, i guess, to living your own life the way you want, without the need of anyone changing it in any way.

without further detail it sounds like he was an idiot

so, this is getting interesting. Thus I just want to mention that
we have not been living together, or even dating for a very long time (thus there were no discussions on who is moving furniture or who is doing cooking).This was rather new and...how do you show a man in the very begynning that you like him very much?

Interesting thread, hi there Daria. I agree with Mike, I don't think there is such a thing being too independent and that was a pretty shcoking reason for a break up comment.

How do you show a man? Hard one that one. I love my man very much but I did not have to go out of my way to show that to him. I am me and that is what I do when I feel alot for a person.

I don't think there are any clear cut guidelines on this, if a man likes you then you will not have to show him. At the beginning, the getting to know a person bit is the hardest I think, and usually those can be the testing times, because you are finding about each other and all those little quirks we humans have. I told my one that I liked him and that seemed to be enough to seal if for him.

There is only one way to solve any situation... communication. Since men are from Mars and women from Venus the time delay is quite hard to overcome. But my advice is just simply ask him what it is he wants from you. In some kind of soft setting is ideal candlelight wine (or beer... no guess not romantic enough )
When the mood is right you can get a man to fess up to anything.

my two € cents worth

I am a very independant woman, i work two jobs to keep myself in the style im accustomed to and i dont suffer fools gladly,im afraid that i too have been told that i scare the men off,maybe one day ill meet an independant guy that understands i need my life too..

I've heard the "you're to independent" one a lot over the years - sometimes as a break up excuse, sometimes from friends (male and female) as the explanation for my singleness!

I think there are some men who like to be in the limelight all the time, and feel threatened if their partner in any way or at any time outshines or challenges them. These men really want a housekeeper/prostitute, and run a mile if you step outside the scripted role. For these, I don't think there's any point in trying to change yourself - it's a one way road to hell. You're no longer true to yourself, and the more independent you were to start with, the harder and more frustrating it will be.

On the other hand, the longer you've been alone, the more independent you get by force of necessity. Of course you can unblock the drains, change a plug, use a drill and fix the fuses - if you didn't these things, they wouldn't get done. Most of us can't afford to pay for "a little man" to come and hang a picture for us - and the more of this stuff we do, the better we get at it. This is traditional "man territory" - and it can be diplomatic to feign ineptitude with these things with some men to give them a chance to play "cave man"!

Personally, I'm totally useless at this - I'm so used to doing stuff myself, it doesn't even occur to me to ask a man to do it - though if he's around I might (nicely) ask him to hand me the screwdrivers while I'm up the ladder. Then I get thoroughly ticked off when he runs off with a pretty little thing dressed all in lace with a bow on her head. Hmmm. Story of my life. Not good. I understand the theory - just can't get it into practice!

I agree with most posts.
Some people want your vulnerability so they can inject their being on you. What they have to offer might be so little, less than what you've already accomplished for yourself. So, they want to void all your work by injecting their...most of the time poison!
I head a boyfriend who decided to become always sad so I could be extremely weak and take care of them. Strong people don't need to do that. I'm me, you are you, lets cooperate in this life instead of vassalage!

Which means, people really do not to check their parteners emotional level before they venture into a problem. Last week, a friend of mine wanted to match me with a great guy, intelligent, who had as priorities: his daughter and church. I thought it wouldn't be fine, although he seems sweet. I was the one who wouldn't commit myself to church...not as much as he seems to be "fanatic". I'd blow one day.

Some men like their women compliant. This is not a word that is used much any more, but it is still valid as an explaination for this phenomenon.

Some women like their men compliant too.

In the wider sense of this word, it means being needed, or to be more precise, letting them believe that you need them, (as opposed to just want them in your life).

All of this, (independance and compliance), is just so much rubbish brainwashed thinking and learned behaviour, and game-playing, but to some people it is still important when finding a partner who fits in with their (limited) thinking.