Connecting Singles^® EU Forums100% Free Online Dating

The man who worked for the HSE
Was so obsessed with health & safety
He tattooed "
'may contain nuts'
Over each bollock.
And 'choking hazard' along
The lenght of his cock.

---

If you surf the internet
For the obscene
You may end up, literally
Glued to your screen.

---

The perfect women
doesnt fart
like a trumpet sounding
But rather it is released
Like she is gently sighing.


The perfect women
Doesnt Belch
Out the word bulawayo
But rather releases it
Behind her hand delicatley.

The perfect women
Doesnt sweat
or anything like as vulgar
if they overheat
The darlings just perspire.

The perfect women
Doesnt swear
Only shit and maybe bloody
If they stub their toe
Its sod it or buggeration.

The perfect women
Doesnt exist
They fart and blame the cat
They belch and blame the food
They sweat and blame the change
They swear and blame the man.

---

Gorgonzola

Cambazola

Happy snappers

Sandwiche wrappers


Parmesan

Vacherin

Two week old socks

Unwashed cocks


All these

Say cheese.

LOL! Perfectly timed for "the dinner hours"...%D Cheese? No thanks!

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww [exclamation mark]

there once was a lady called lisajane
who like to drive men, ummmmm, well, insane
she looked so dammed cute
when she smoked a cheroot
now she's here in malta - not spain [exclamation mark]

oh 'lisa' i cried
[with wine fortified]
'cos lisa you're no 'plain jane'
you've caused me much pleasure
through rather inclement weather
but your poetry's really a pain [exclamation mark]

Ah, you're a William Wordsworth through and through *phut*

Thanks for the poem, really nice

my poems might be a pain, but funny! then again you have to have a sick sense of humour.

ok, one not soo gross.

An icecream man has been found dead
Lying on the floor beneath a shelf
Covered in hundreds and thousands
Police say he may have topped himself.

His house caught fire he called for aid
Please someone call the fire brigade

soorry didnt finish it let me try again

His house caught fire he called for aid
Please will someone call the fire brigade
As the poor man stood on his wooden legs
The brigade arrived " save my home" he begs
To save the burning house they sought
As against the fire they bravely fought
To urge them on was his desire
But he got to close his legs caught fire
They saved his house and looked around
To see the man burnt to the ground.


Sorry that was sick

KILLING TIME

There once was an educated feller
who hated the sun and good weather
he stayed home alone
right next to the phone
awaiting a call from sweet 'Ela'

Now 'Ela' you see
was a lass bright and free
who danced through fields filled with flowers
but KT went mad
[which is very sad]
eating a host of golden daffodilos

then tragedy struck
[KT had some luck]
he met a young lady called Kim
she sparred with him good, although thick as wood,
and now they are happy together

you stumped me with that poem

A man had had far too much to drink
Now i must go home he began to think
He tried to stand up but fell to the ground
So he decided to crawl out of the door
Than after a little fresh air he tried again
But he fell face down in the drain again
"I will never get up" to himself he said
I won't try again i'll crawl home instead
His wife found him on the step asleep
"I went for a drink" he said like a sheep
"And i know what made you crawl so far
You're wheelchairs still in the public bar.

'and i would walk 500 miles, and i would walk 500 more - and i would walk 1,000 miles' [to collapse in a big hot and sweaty heap outside your door]

sad bastard - he must have left his keys behind when he went off for a pint........hahahaha

Thus be it
The tales of life
Smelly, coarse, noisy and damp
They were but begun by a vamp

But wait, where is beauty, love and affection
Tablecloths, cutlery and soup bowls
For Messieurs will come
More important Mesdames
Heavy with perfume and affectation

Where shall we hide our shame
Shame born of goodness and intent
There be little space, in truth
For life be such an awful truth

When time comes to look back
We shall stare at our fingers
Sad and despondent for every act
Committed by by our sincere injuncts
To a life that wasted in insincere artifacts

Should so be life's tale
Generation to next unchanged
No it wont, no it shant
Because there be light in the Ashant
Where we go, where we seek
We shall find, we shall find
We shall find what makes us meek

very entertaining and funny! thanks!