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Hi all, here's a question for you

At 31 I find myself back in the dating game (and isn't it fun ) and since I'm a bit rusty I have been doing my research...

So according to all the love and flirtation experts on the net (female ones usually - wonder where they got their degree?) women should NEVER, EVER on no circumstances make the first move such as asking a man out, mailing him first on sites like this etc. This gives the impression she is easy to get, and deprives men of the thrill of the chase, which, apparently is what it's all about.

Yet according to my male friends, they would like to be asked out, they fantasize about women coming on to them because hey, why should they do all the work, this is the age of equality after all and so on...



Now what I would like to know is the truth - from men; is the feeling of conquest really so important to you, or is a woman who's hard to get not worth the trouble?

and ladies; has it ever worked for you? is it really worth playing it cool and uninterested even though your heart misses a beat at the sight of him?

So funny, this relationship thing...

thx all, oh btw, I am new to the site, joined yesterday

sanook

Welcome Sanouk!!!!

Very interesting questions Sanouk ... Me thinks men are not always honest about what they really want and what they "fantasise" about might not always "match" what they really want from a woman... when I first joined the site I "flowered" or "mailed" a few guys but soon stopped when I realised I wasn't getting many replies if any at all... not even to say cheers but I'm not interested ...

Go figure!!!

Now I've been here a while I mostly enjoy the laughs on the forums and have made a few friends

It depends on the maturity and experience . Play games with the experienced and they just pass you by . As for the younger males , some are driven by hormones and some are dead romantic . The choice is yours . The former is a zip zap bye job but the latter needs time and could prove educational . Don't wait for it . He may not be the type who asks first ..
If you are Swedes then you don't need any of this ..

like your hair . Looks sweet - peace sister

Makes a change from cute

Damian

That is just some old fashioned rubbish. Of course it is possible to contact a man if you find him interesting or atrractive. Especially in a dating forum.

What if he hasn't seen your profile - then you can never expect to get into a dialouge with him...wouldn't that be a shame?

I will also bet, that you quite rapidly can see through him, if he thinks you are less worth because you take the initiative...is he then worth wasting time on, or are you into those old fashioned men with way too much pride, that cannot accept equal rights bewteen women and men?

In real life, some men are shy, and not good at approaching women. They are not less men because of that. Why not go for it, if you think he is interesting, and again, if he then reacts as you are "easy-to-get" - then just drop him - he is not worth the trouble !!!

> So according to all the love and flirtation experts on the net (female ones usually - wonder where they got their degree?) women should NEVER,
> EVER on no circumstances make the first move such as asking a man out, mailing him first on sites like this etc. This gives the impression she is easy
> to get, and deprives men of the thrill of the chase, which, apparently is what it's all about.

Don't listen to those "expert", they have no clue. That line of thought may have been the right approach back in the 50s, but today I can't imagine a guy that wouldn't like a woman to make the first move. Not that I've read a lot of literature on the subject, but the relationship experts I've read seem to all agree that women should not be afraid to make the first move, at least in Swedish magazines. Perhaps it's different where you are.

> from men; is the feeling of conquest really so important to you

No, and I bet few guys would say differently. And the ones that do are probably not the guys you'd want to be with either.

I would even go as far to say that playing hard to get is counterproductive. In fact, if a girl appears to not be interested, I naturally assume that she's not, and if she really was she would have missed the opportunity. I'm of the opinion that love shouldn't be hard, it ought to be the easiest thing in the world, and that's how I usually approach relationships. If you're interested in someone, you should be able to tell him/her so, and doing so should not deprave you of any strategic advantages in the game. Too many people are just turning it into a game of chess where they plan every move and want to keep "an edge" versus the "opponent". I've dated girls in the past that I could very well have married if it wasn't for these weird games they play, and I get forced to play along against my will until I can't handle it anymore.

Good for you humus!!! Very good points you make!!!

ok, it,s like this; not all men are the same,and not all women are the same. Indeed, not every individual is the same every single time. Every single situation is different. Yes,you can make sweeping generalisations, just don,t expect it to lead you to the right answer for any given situation.

Since I split up with my ex (Champion pig-fighter and bank account looter) I have managed to remain positive. It, so,so easy to become jaundiced. In the three years since we split I have fallen for two very attractive females, one of whom flirted with me at work for over a year. Eventually I told her how much I liked her and she went ballistic, got all haughty ("as if I,d want anything to do with you, the very thought,huh!!!" )and hasn,t spoken to me since! The second was a social acquaintance who was all over me like a wet towel every time we met, but the minute I tried to get closer ran away from me like I was Frankenstien,s monster! So, what do I make of this? Prick teasers
(Polla caliente)? Confused psychopaths? Was I just being used to bolster flagging self esteem? I don,t know. All I,m trying to say is this, if I let those experiences lead me to what I feel are concrete conclusions in the negative sense, then I may as well just give up right here and now. I believe there is somebody for everybody (though maybe not for all time)but that we,ll all make a lot of mistakes finding that somebody.
Take it one step at a time, be a little careful and don,t go grabbing hold of whatever socio-romantic myth suits. Just suck it and see. Sorry, thinking about something else there.

Yeah,with you there Flor,have a few laughs, make some friends and don,t apologise for your profession. I,ve been a teacher all my life and I,m bloody well proud of it. To stand back and see somebody do something they couldn,t do before,all because you showed them how, it,s almost better than sex. Well it lasts longer anyway.

Yeah! Teaching's been mostly good and very rewarding most of the time ... just stopped working full time in it though ... had enough of jumping through hoops for the education department in the UK ... which is why my future is back in Spain doing something completely different

If you think it's almost better than sex ... me thinks you haven't done it with the right person yet !!!

mhhhh.... you could always invite the man to chase you a bit .. if he likes that

Now then Flor,as you quite correctly re-quoted, I did say "almost". Hey, I,ve had my moments. I,ve never been to bed with an ugly woman, though I,ve woken up with a few!

The old ones are the best!!! (jokes ... not women!!!!)

On that note Flor, I bid you goodnight and wish you everything you wish for yourself.

Welcome Sanook .....wish you pleasant and positive experiences here

As to your questions: everyone of us is different..somewhat complex...even the ones that would state to be very simple...What works for one may do no good for the next.. and in my "humbe" op.. there's no way to get a simple straight answer.....it's all in discovery...and is a process..

Myself personally....I like men do the chasing...especially at the beginning....guess there's no masculane bone in my body... ...only in a romance department, of course...not talking here about jobs or decisions making...etc
Old-fashioned romance has a huge appeal to me...

Here's how it works in the drawing:

Gentleman Lady

Femme

Welcome to Cs sanook, enjoy the forums

Personally I wouldn't mind a woman showing her interest. Why hiding it? If you have feelings for the guy, than you should approach him. Not all men have the guts to just step up and go to a woman to start a chat. I guess I'm one of them, rather shy, which make help usually more than welcome!

Hi Sanook,
Why wouldn't a guy be flattered to have a woman show him some interest? He may not be interested in return, but he does not think badly of you for it. Men just get turned off if it is too much, too quick. Too many scammers, we have all had the "can't live without you" line - too early in a relationship.
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Men are like lions, if the chase becomes too hard, we tire and look elsewhere. No decent man will have a one sided relationship. Neither should a nice lady like yourself :-) If he shows no interest - move on. His loss, not yours.

Next, rudeness in my opinion is the biggest turn off. There are lots of nice ladies out there, even beautiful nice ladies. :-) Once a lady starts to believe she is too good to be polite, then she does not look that good. Too many ladies believe every guy is just like the jerk she just left. (Now of course, if he turns out to be a jerk - drop him fast! :-)

Its interesting to see that a lady likes u and making the move to get u to her side, its make a guy feel on top of the world just as women do, well, it has personally happened to me. its really cool dude.