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Sudeenly Maruska's head appeared from behind a large chicken coup. Her was a reall mess, all covered bits of straw, but she smiled sweetly and said:

'Hello peeps! What's going on here then?'

Conrad turned back on his heels - almost like Rudolf Nureyev, but not quite.........

'So here you are, you dastardly wench!' he cried out

Quick as a flash, Maruska whipped out a small pistol she had concealed in the depths of her astounding cleavage........

'Yeth' she said

'I am here....... and now ith the time for me to have my vevengels on you for killing my half-wit brother Sir Anthony Wedgewood Barnacles the double double double double agent from Cambridge, Engleberthumpadinkshire!'

A large gob of spittle dribbled down her chin, the hand holding the pistol began to shake and.............

"""....but, how comes you're here? I thought, they captured you in Malta last week ?
...and I told them not to bail you out...oops, shouldn't have said that..""""

But that is not what happened here.
Anyone believing that is really "auf dem Holzweg" (Wrong Track)
All that Incarceration and not getting Bail was the Ploy of the Husband and the Secretary,those two Katzelmachers,so they did not have to share those Millions.



But now the Story seems to get even more confusing,or is the Husband still Dealing from the Bottom of the Deck.
Stay tuned.
The Suspense is continuing!

Suddenly the sky turned dark, there came the sound of beating wings, and a voice rang out .... "Hark, I am Angie the Angel of Enlightened Souls! I have been sent to rescue my innocent agent who travels in disguise!" and she swooped down and gathered Conrad into her arms and out of reach of the vengeance of Maruska with her pistol.

Maruska screamed in defiance .... "I will get you yet Mr Conrad you double dealing treacherous son-of-a-gun!!!!" But her voice was lost in the winds as Angie bore Conrad away to safety.

Conrad fell asleep in Angie`s arms and awoke eventually to find himself lying on a chaise-lounge in what appeared to be a medieval castle, the walls draped in priceless tapestries, suits of medieval armour standing like sentries against the walls.

"Ah ha! So you have returned to us Sir Conrad?" He whipped around at the familiar voice, and there stood the Evil Lagoona, surrounded by his infamous Malta Gang, all of them staring at him with mocking eyes and clutching their flagons of Cisk beer.

"Did you realy imagine, Sir Conrad, that the Moderators were going to be lenient on you? Oh no, we have paid them five million Swiss Francs to have you returned to us ..... and do you know why? No of course you don`t ..... but all the members of CS have contributed to that money, so that we may extract your toenails and make you scream for mercy ... and then we are handing you over to our expert at extracting information, in the event that the loss of your toenails does not get you screaming and spilling your guts to us .... oh yes, you have heard of Kid-at-Heart!? Who is at this moment conjuring up further torture for you... oh yes ....And if that does not work, we will call in Ulimaroa, with all her books on the subject of torture .... she is a very learned lady when it comes to the finer, shall we call it ...."points of pain"? ...... So, you gonna talk, or not? The choice is all yours"

At that moment, Halcyon of the Malta Gang politely suggested "Why dont we just subject him to our "Maltese Kama Sutra" dancers? That may work? Huh Evil Lagoona?"

"No no" said Lagoona, "That is too good for this man .... first we will try his toenails".........

..........and Sir Conrad fresh out of Soursops,to recharge his Secret Weapon,feeling like Popeye The Sailor without his Spinach.
What to do That Is The Question.

Hey,somebody tell him what to do!

Suddenly an old piece of armour that had been leaning against the wall came to life!

'Sir Reginald Fortesque Rusty Muttley, at your service!' boomed a deep voice from within the armour........ the vizor of the helmet opened for an instant, then clanged shut.

The person in the armour took a shaky step forward then stumbled and fell with an almighty crash!

'Oh bollocks!' said Sir Reginald.

The Malta gang started laughing at this wretched fellow's plight, however Angie and Uli took the opportunity to light evil smelling cheroots (given to them by the magnificent xlut from Xlendi) and blow humungously disgusting clouds of smoke over the gang.

'Mercy!' the Malta gang all cried, in unison, and fled down the hallway.

'Cowards!' yelled Sir Reginald, flailing his limbs all over the place trying to get back up his feet!

Uli and Angie helped him remove his armour, and there dangling under his fine codpiece they finally laid eyes on............. the holy grail itself!

Some folks are seemingly obsessed with their cod-pieces and do hereby ruin a perfectly good story line?

... presumably because the cod-piece has not seen the light of day for the last 2000 years?
And said owner of said cod-piece is desperate for recognition in modern times?

Thought it was The Holy Grail,you know,The Chalice,The Graal of Old!The Sang Réal!

Uli and Angie gingerly fingered the strange looking thing which had the appearance of a withered and mummified cheroot.

" Whatever are supposed to do with that ?" cried Angie, disconsolately. " All her hopes and dreams of discovering something in full working order,or at the very least,something that looked like it might once have worked and be worth the admiring,all those hopes and dreams now amounted to nothing but a pile of windblown dust.
Not since the traumatic experience that Si Relley had given her when he revealed himself to be nothing more than a sore infested old hag had she been so dejected.

Suddenly the mummified cheroot seemed to move all of its own accord.
Could it be so? Could such a pathetic looking wizzel be restored to its former glory, a towering,throbbing,pulsating phallus that had once reputedly gushed with such enormouse plentitude that it had single handedly populated an entire continent?

In no time at all the withered cheroot seemed to be taking on a life of its own. It was propping up the entire suited weight of the old knight.

" Quick " said " Angie, " take my hand, I think I,m going to have an epiphany.

" Not here " screamed Uli " You can,t, twould be blasphemous,I think we should go get help"

" No " said Angie firmly, "this is my epiphany,MY epiphany,and I,m going to have it all to myself,get it ?

At that moment Angie,s entire body began to shiver and quake.....

... in fact, the very ground they stood on was shivering and shaking ... plaster began to fall off the walls ..... bits of ceiling flaking down ... cracks appearing in the castle walls.

The local volcano was erupting! Rocks and molten lava began to spew forth and a river of fire flowing down the sides of the mountain as Angie and Uli gazed in awe out of the uppermost windows of the turret wherein they were so recently engaged in epiphanies.

"Quick" cried Angie, "Let us hasten to escape! Uli, leave the cheroot! We must save our lives!" and both girls galloped out the door and running and tumbling and scraping skin off their elbows in the narrow staircase, they hastened to reach ground level before the castle walls began to crumble under the heat of the volcanic explosions.

.......:.?

Yes,it's absolute Mayhem and Destruction.
What will happen to the Agents of E.V.I.L?
Moreover,what will happen to the Agents of G.O.O.D???












Sorry,that's all I can come up with on the fly

Eventually the lava flow subsided. the dark cloud of volcanic ash hanging over the valley slowly disappeared and a bleak ray of sunshine appeared.

There, under a cloak of the most iridescent turquoise, a hand-rolled ciggy dangling from her upper or lower lip and her glasses looking a little smudged there appeared the awesome figure of................................................................................. the smokey one!

'Hi guys!' she said, in her sexiest voice, wriggling her buttocks provacitely.

Lava? Volcano? May i ask, where they all are actually? I missed it.

It is NOT in Deutsheland - it is in Transyvania, Romania......and the rusty_vampire is going to bite your neck any moment now and then you shall become his slave - forever!

" Anyone round here fancy a puff? Cause like I kinda know where there is one and he is so,so cute. In the meantime I,m lookin for a guy with a nice purple Posche to park in my garage."

"Brm brm...." said Elley " Come an climb aboard why dontcha".

So, Smoky rose from the ashes, like Phoenix, to resume her rightful place in the land wherein the former agents of E.V.I.L. ruled (Every Vile Idea is Loved) and where she now ruled supreme in this new land, and the newest agents of the elite forces of Malta .... G.O.O.D ....which stands for Good, which used to be called K.I.S.S. (Keep it Short and Simple) but that was too long for the Vice Pimple of Gozo to remember so has been shortened to Good, which should have actually been K.A.T.P.W.K.B. (Kill All The People Who Kill Birds), but since they just had democratic elections there this week, Her Royal Highness Queen Smoky decided she had better keep a low profile and not make too many waves before issuing her new decrees to her people.

Anyway, back to the story ..... Brm brm...The Purple Porche, with H.R.H`s Royally Appointed Chauffeur His Honor Prince Elley, who is now the appointed EU Ruler of the Royal Garages and shall be responsible for the upkeep and cleaning of all of HRH Queen Smoky`s vehicles.

His Honor Prince Elley was awakened by the clanging of the Royal Bell summoning him to his Queen`s side..... "Prince Elley, I have a special assignment for you my dear man" said she of the burnished and flowing locks and glinting eyes of a natural born leader "You, my dear man, are to unveil the newest Masserati in my garage, and transport Agents Angie and Uli to a beach of their choice, and to do their every bidding, whilst they recover from their severe ordeal they have just suffered thru"......

.................................................??????????????????????????

This is going to be tougher than I thought, thought Prince Elley,for it was a well known fact that Agents Angie and Uli,when bidding,bid very high stakes indeed. Oft remembered was the time that they single handedly,or double handedly if you like, epiphanised Trusty,Rusty Knight,tugging on his antique cheroot until he yielded
" Enough,enough I say, didn,t you know the National Truss have this here lil ol cheroot registered as a listed building." Twas indeed almost a national treasure,albeit in need of a little restoration. And now....


Throw a lot of sand into the equasion and things could get very,very gritty,Then of a sudden Prince Elley saw the Maserati and his spirits rose somewhat. " Ah well " he mused " back to the frind."

Prince Elley jumped in and pressed the right button straight off,he always knew which buttons to press.The thing was,would Angie and Uli know which of his buttons to press?

grind,bloody stupid spellchecker.