Connecting Singles^® EU Forums100% Free Online Dating

...and so ends another eventful,cold,dark,dreadful,evil filled Transylvanian Winter-Night.....
...or has it?
But somewhere up in the Carpathian Mountains the Husband and Secretary are still plotting and try to come up with the most evil Plans on how to spend those illgotten Millions

....and on this very, very, very cold winternight, and I repeat, it was at night, nearly midnight..... both were walking helpless through the dark woods, accompanied by strange noises, similar to wolf howling, and then, from one moment to the other, they reached the end of the forest, looking at a creepy castle, with ominously towers shining in the moonlight......






(I watched too much Dracula movies, I know)

Approaching the huge door of the castle, they saw a sign on FOR SALE! "Hey, "said Mary's husband to the secretary(forgot her name), " I think, I got an idea!"........

but before the words had left his lips the huge door opened suddenly---
and pooof!- A FLASH OF BRIGHTNESS!!!--- THE WIFE LOOKED DOWN AND WHERE STOOD THE HUSBAND AND SECRETARY WERE TWO NORTH QUEENSLAND CANE TOADS
---she looked up and before her stood the most handsome long silver haired wizard she had ever laid eyes upon and instantly fell in love

"Seeing as how Queen Smoky`s castle in Malta is now destroyed by that Sicilian volcano, why dont we buy this one for her as a gift .. and in that way ....we will have her favour forevermore ... and then she will allow us to use her Ferrari?" said Mary`s husband Manolito.

Mary stared at him with huge eyes, "But Manolito! That is the most excellent idea you have had, since we began this quest after our debacle in the chicken shit coup!"

"Now" said Manolito, with the greedy vision of driving the red Ferrari, "We must make haste Mary, and proceed to the City of Zenith, wherein lives the Despot Don Conrad, who owns just about everything in these evil Transilvanian mountains - tis for sure he will enable us to acquire this castle!"

So, they donned their skis and heading back downhill, traversing and slaloming and all those other things champion skiiers do, they arrived at the City of Zenith to seek out Despot Don Conrad the most evil of all landowners, a man with no concience, who desires nothing but the very souls of the souls who seek to buy property thru his dark and dingy little office down that alleyway known as The Portal of Hell, wherein whoever crosses his threshold, has sold their soul, and will forever after know not a good nights sleep again.............................................

Hey Cuspo! .. your part is in the second chapter, after Despot Conrad has given these two twits the keys for that door!

--- Mary shook her head --- whoosh! and realised a momentary flash of daymare had ensued--- and before she had time for another thought found herself in a grand ballroom filled with people of her past lives

At last, Manolito was free of the whining Mary, free to drive fast sports cars! While Mary was forced to spend the rest of her imaginary life dancing with people from her past lives - or to serve the Wizard Cuspomagic in whatever devious and cunning manner he conjured up!

---whoosh! another momentary lapse into the nightmarish events that had previously befallen her appeared as if real --- the wizard noticing this clapped his hands Mary instantly found herself in a healing pool surrounded by a garden filled with every flowering bush imaginable

-- are we not supposed to carry on from the last posters post
"Continue the story - 'On a Cold Winter Day'

High above the city of Zenith Miss Piggy looked down on Mary and Manolito and Queen Smoky and even, with the aid of genetically enhanced piggy vision, Despot Don Conrad (who was sitting at a large table counting all his money and casino chips while munching the contents of an extra large tube of 'smoky bacon' flavoured Pringles).

'I love you,my darling smoky bacon thingy' he said to himself as yet another perfectly formed smoky flavoured Pringle slipped into his mouth over his enormous beard.

At this moment Queen Smoky, manolito and Mary burst into the room.

'Your money or your Pringles!' said Queen Smoky.

Despot 'Desperate Dan' Don Conrad snarled with rage and clasped the remaining Pringles to his bosum.

'Leave my darling smoky bacon thingies alone!' he cried, and made a dash for the door; scuttling along at an amazing speed.............

DWANG! Despot Don Conrad collided with an iron clad figure in the doorway who was doing a medieval version of kick-boxing and trying to twirl a rusty old sword half eaten away with rust.

"Why! Tis the Vice Pimple of Gozo!" cried Despot Don Conrad, "Out of my way you idiot .. what the heck you think you doing in that rusted old suit of armour, don`t you know that before you try the sideways kick you have to lift your crutch first? That suit has been without a drop of oil for 100years, and now you have rendered yourself unfit for your bride!"

Whilst the Vice Pimple of Gozo writhed in agony on the floor, Despot Don Conrad leaped over him, carrying his precious container of smoky bacon thingies close to his heart, and escaped into the night.

Manolito and Mary (who is Mary?) chased after him, but not before Manolito rammed a broomstick handle down the back of the Vice Pimples suit of armour, rendering him incapable of ever standing erect without assistance. Out into the night they rushed.... to find Queen Smoky brmm brmmming the red Ferrari and calling to them .... "Quick quick, light my cigarette, and then we will chase him, for he has the deeds to the castle in his cloak!"

.....................

Will the castle deeds ever be found? Will Despot Don Conrad make good his escape?
Will the Vice Pimple of Gozo meet his bride? and if he does, will he ever be able to ... er, perform?.. ?

Am I the vice Pimple of Gozo?

This is fiction .... you can be whoever you want to be....... The Vice Pimple or even the Big Pimple... of Gozo! ... or the Cauterized Pimple..... ... what about the Pimple of Pus? We`ll add more characters as we go along.....

'Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!'

Queen Smoky lit up her 32nd ciggy of the day and attacked the Great Pussing Pimple of Gozo with it.

'Ouch' he said

'What did I do to deserve that?'

'A lot!' said Queen Smoky. and laughed so loud she almost choked on her own dentures..............

---

Will the castle deeds ever be found? Will Despot Don Conrad make good his escape?
Will the Vice Pimple of Gozo meet his bride? and if he does, will he ever be able to ... er, perform?

---

No way,those Deeds are in a safe Place,out of the reach of any unauthorized hands.
Don Conrad got safely away to his Lair in Zurich Town(How did he ever become a Despot?)
The Fate of the Gozoans is still very much up in the air.
Now I suppose the Battle Lines have to be drawn anew. And that attempted Robbery of those Smoky Bacon Thingies is really an Evil Feat almost unequalled in the Annals of Crime,comparable only to the Sacking of Rome by the Visigoths under Alaric.
And now all the Characters are plotting afresh.
Will they ever be able to spend all those illgotten Gains,or worse,acquire even more Loot.....

What's the heck with all these pimples?




..... she stopped laughing and yelled:" Mary, come out there, I'll introduce you to someone!"

The vice or whatsoever called pimple of wherelse watched astounded, how a huge door , he hasen't yet noticed, opened and out stepped a lady, whose appearance nealy knocked him out!
"May I introduce you to your Probably-New Husband, Mary Frankenstone?" Lady Smoky said.
The Vice....of Gozo looked shocked. Could that be? Was such a cosmetic surgery really possible, to change a former beautiful face into a hopeless ugly one?
" What did you want to say?" Queen Smoky asked the pale man at her side, with a deceitful smile, because as always she had a certain plan in her mind.......

--- nothing , you have the floor mdear

CHAPTER 2.

Meanwhile, back in the Land of Bliss, in the Lair of the Mighty Wizard Cuspomagic, the Arco of Baleno was bathing in his Healing Pool, unaware that she had left a whisp of herself behind - that tortured being, the now emasculated Vice Pimple of Gozo had woo-ed and won the now unfair hand of a ghost-like being, who could spiral away into the mists of time should the beautiful Arco of Baleno recall this split in her personality!

"Oh Mighty Wizard Cuspomagic! Oh that I could re-call that Number of my Swiss Bank Account wherein is stashed absolutely millions of Euros worth of precious jewels! But since meeting the Despot of Zurich, Don Conrad, all memory of my lucre has forsaken me!"

"Just relax, my beautiful lady" said Cuspomagic, "All memory shall return as you bathe in these Healing Waters"..........and Arco of Baleno slid down and immersed herself in the liquid gold of The Pool.

Suddenly, she erupted out of the water! "I remember! I remember everything now Oh Mighty Wizard! The numbers are encoded into a packet of Smoky Bacon Thingies! Oh, where are they? If only I could remember! ... Then together we can overthrow that Evil Witch calling herself Queen Smoky!"

.........

Keep tuned in for the next exciting episode of "As the Screws Tightened"............. Will Arco of Baleno find her secret code for her millions? Will she desert the Might Wizard? Will Despot Don Conrad be overthrown? Will the Pimple of Gozo lose his bride?

'Alas, poor Pringle, I knew Thee well' said dimpled Don Con Rodkneelius (otherwise know as the Aga Khan's younger brother Evil Knievel Don Something or Other).

With one mighty swing of his immensely strong right arm he threw the empty tube of Pringles into the right hand basket of a passing donkey on it's way to the weekly fruit market down the road in the little Spanish resort of Dragonia Fliesah Everywhereia.

Later that day, a crazy Spanish woman bought a large bag of over-ripe fruit thingies and took them home to her twelve children as a special treat. When she opened the bag of fruit she espied the empty tube of Pringles and thought what a nice toy it would make for her youngest to play with in lieu of the football she hadn't quite saved up enough money to buy him.

'Come here, my little darling!' cooed Drag Onia - a lady with a beautiful voice that sang like a mountain stream (unlike her body which was huge, with pendulous thingies and an awesomely large bum)............