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This guy wrote to me a couple of weeks ago.
I responded as usual with a thanks but no thanks kind of message.
He writes back to say he's not really expecting to date anyone from the internet, that maybe we could be friends, share some thoughts....
So we started writing because I really did find him interesting,very human, likeable.
We arrange to meet for a coffee.
Really enjoyable 2hr conversation. Similar outlook on things. Nice.
He doesn't write me for a week, so I just put it down to him having been curious to see me.. and finito.
Then 3 days ago he starts to write again and it's all about how beautiful I am and how much he wants to ''flirt me''.
I remind him that this kind of talk makes me uncomfortable.
Yesterday, he steps it up a notch, making his messages and finally IM emotional and frustrated.

I am a ridiculous person and so, believe it or not, this has had an effect on me.
I didn't sleep all night last night, for the pain in my chest and in my stomach.

Please someone on here make some kind of comment, share some similar experience, something...
I know this is BS but it's having an effect, as I said, and I'd like some feedback/perspective,
if that's okay....

I was in contact with my last ex wife for some time.

She dated several men purely as 'friends'.

They all assured her that they were happy with just friendship.

They all then wanted to be 'more than friends'.

Maybe it's the effect some of you ladies have on a lot of men; they probably mean it when they say that they are happy with just friendship and then change the way they feel.......

I have no idea why so many men try this as this has never happened to me - ladies who are my friends stay my friends!

Dear Breeze,

this is a manipulation tecnique, just disregard it and stay away. Conciously or nor they will hold you responsible for their feelings. Once they see you are a good/caring person they aknowledge/make you believe you that you have power over them where in fact on contrary they will set rules for you what to do.

Breezee, listen to this wise lady!.. she has said it all.

Seems there is SUCH a variety of weirdos out there....Draw your invisible circle around yourself, and dont allow people who make you uncomfortable inside it!

Have to agree manipulation tactics. Stick to your guns and when you don't want to meet someone just don't.

I still think that even if you find someone interesting on IM this doesn't propel you to meet them just in order to remain friends.

Not surprising that you are affected. I simply wouldn't continue conversations with anyone if it got to the point that it was making you uncomfortable. Put it down to experience so that next time something like this happens perhaps you will be able to read the signs more clearly.

Marivanna, thanks so much for taking the time to put my head right, which you very simply did
I don't get around much and never talk about this kind of thing with my friends/colleagues, nearly all of whom are married with children and have no interest, knowledge or opinion about what's out there.
You really have helped
Smoky and Atlam thanks for the reinforcement!!!!
Feeling better now

I think in a way this could be true of him.Every real man wants to be treated fine by a lady they have a passionate feeling for.If this natural feeling is natured,then it breeds that inner discomfort (always thinking of you)of wanting always to be around such a one that makes you feel emotionally accomplished.
Though most guys want their pride protected of not been too forward to say what they want;eventually they end up missing the very thing they were about protecting when the lady has been misguided.
I conclude that what is not for sale should not be advertised.If getting close makes one uncomfortable-and unhappy then is pointless and immature to be here-afterall we are all seekers after the good life.

I agree with you, Asteriods!!

Not only is it pointless and immature for me to be here,
Indeed, I myself am pointless and immature in most relevant ways!!

But the kind people here on the EU Forums mostly seem to tolerate me.....
I can at times be useful as a catalyst, angel's advocate , comic relief, up-an-coming word associator, stirer, awkward pain-in-the-butt.......
I am also very useful for making others look good!!! lol

Anyway, they let me stay.....
Even I need a place to go to when, as a single, I'm all alone......

And I thought it was DF, Gilly and Smoky that kept you up all night....


So....how do you drink your coffee ????

Black, no sugar
How was it last night??

Here's one (in a mug)


Unsurprising....told you it's a "cold" date

Meeting someone for the first time, I doubt any Real Man or Woman has Passionate feelings? To feel emotionally accomplished is a rather weird statement - sounds like a half-person looking to be made complete by someone else?

Most of the people on this site are strangers to each other .... we only mostly have contact thru this forum - so to say a person who admits to being made to feel uncomfortable by the erratic behaviour of someone they meet that they are immature or it being pointless to be on this site, sounds a bit nasty?

Each of us has our own priorities, not necessarily that of seeking "the good life", but of at least trying to find ourselves a compatible sort of partner/friend?

Also, something I have noticed here is that it is very easy to put a person down without realising what harm you doing to that person. By writing here and displaying ones feelings - no-one seeks a virtual slap-in-the-face. No hard feelings, I just felt your post was a bit harsh towards Breezee.

Thanks Smoky.



I thought that nothing's here for SALE

This is often, but not always a male/female technique for disarming you and trying to manipulate into the idea that he/she does not want what in fact he/she does. It is part of what is known as reverse psychology. I use it, like all caring parents, with my little boy when he refuses to eat his food. I tell him he can,t have any food, like magic he then wants it. I used the same techniques in sales to devastating effect (only when I was being pissed about by somebody who was trying to drive too hard a bargain and get the car for nothing). My sales manager told me " right, take it away from him, tell him he can,t have it " my god the pissing about stopped pretty quick after that.

Ahhh....so you know all about 'old bangers', huh?

Naturally, there are no old bangers in CS - they're all bloody 'born again virgins'!

Nice.

breezee - I was just joking, dammit!

I'm sure you neither an old banger nor a born again thingy person, but a Rolls Royce amongst women!

(plenty of room in the back? - whoops now THAT sounds bad too!)

I thought that nothing's here for SALE


I'm free to a good home.

There there, Rusticles
Won't be long now

Aren't we all?