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just wanted to add that there is no shame is being weak, it's a sign of being human - and maybe you haven't got the strength inside. there are people who can help if you allow them.

Yeah........ thanks - I have an appointment to see a psychologist next Tuesday evening on my way to the airport (before flying back to the UK to sell my humble hovel over there).

I had an appointment with the guy last Tuesday - same time, same place but he didn't make it..... the poor man was so nervous that he had a nasty fall a few hours before and ended up in the Casualty Department of a hospital!

Let's hope he's got HIS next appointment set up to see HIS shrink; he'll need it after I've downloaded all my crap on him!

I felt like it in the past but I've moved on. and, yeah, it's not easy - especially if you want to find some identity in it. I don't. I'm ready to love again and put the past in the past. I wouldn't be looking for a partner unless I felt 100% ready. I've given myself time and come through things being better than before. I'm really not talking about self-flagelating or smiling and being positive. I went through a similar stage though, so I know what you mean.

It gets easier every time one fails.

The recuperation period shortens, once you've totally hit 'the pits'.

First time took two years.

Second was the worst - it was years, but I have no idea how many!

Last marriage took a mere seven months after the divorce was final.

Penultimate girlfriend took me a month to get over.

Most recent ex took eight days to get over.

I'm scared of becoming cynical though.......... I still want to be capable of a decent, loving, commited, trusting, mutually beneficial, secure and happy relationship!

where do you think things go wrong?

generally speaking as soon as you start thinking things are going right..........

Posted By: guiriman

Category: Dating, Love, Relationships

Thread: "Love is NOT Enough'?

Post:
rusty_knight wrote:
generally speaking as soon as you start thinking things are going right..........

Never a truer word have I spoken in jest!

It's the f'ing truth though, isn't it?....

You think things are going great and you wake up the next morning thinking:

"OMG! What went so wrong in less than 24 hours? I was 'kinda happy' yesterday, and had a wonderful future to look forward to with this gorgeous, wonderful, talented woman I love - and today I'm bloody single again!"

things have never been that sudden for me. i've had times of feeling whatever i do, i do wrong, but generally things change slowly over time for me. more like sleepwalking than jumping.

Lucky you! Prewarned of impending disaster gives you time to make plans!

Hoi Rusty .... Dont take life too seriously, thats just my opinion .....I`ve found things are either Good or they`re Bad - simple. If you are happy, enjoy the happiness. If things go wrong and the other person doesnt want to be with you ... well there`s nothing one can do about that, is there? No-one wants to act like a greatful puppy!

Some advice given to me, way-back-when, was: If you do something for the first time and it goes wrong - its a mistake. If you do the same thing twice, then you a bit of a fool. If you do the same thing three times ... you`re an Addict!.. and its time to stop the Addiction. I got married three times, and I believe I have conquered the habit now......! ... Now I just try to enjoy life when things are going Good, and remember to remember that good things dont last, so when the Bad times hit - to be able to recall how I felt when it was Good ..... That keeps my fire lit.

Despite all the ridicule I heap on your head .. You are a Very Nice and Good person - don`t let any female put out your fire boy!

Thanks smoky!

The truth is Bad Things don't last either, they just seem to.

Hi all!!
Time for a group hug??

Your post really helped!

"If things go wrong and the other person doesnt want to be with you ... well there`s nothing one can do about that, is there?"

It's out of your hands if, for whatever reason, somebody doesn't want to be with you......... so there is NOTHING you can do, so you have to accept it and 'move on' without another thought!

It can be hard to accept, mind you - but if it's the truth then that's it......... maybe it's the gnawing question in one's mind:

'Why?'

Maybe the person who felt that he or she was somebody special in another person's life has zero right to know the answer - he/she just has to accept that he/she is nolonger welcome.

Simply accepting that you have failed is part of the therapy of recovery, but only part.
Your posting smacks too much of resignation. Acceptance of failure is fundamental, because it is the first step in taking responsibility for your actions.....If one has a history of failed relationships behind one, and your partners have all been very different people, from different walks of life, the chances are pretty good that the reason for that failure is you. So the way forward is clear...unless you want to keep repeating the exercise, change the only thing you can....yourself.

People often say that you cannot change someone's fundamental character.....that may be true, but you can change their behaviour...That's what modern psychotherapy is all about...changing the neural highways in your brain, so that your rationale brain takes over from your emotional one. Only through long-term practice and exercise can you change the patterns of behaviour that have caused your failure in the past. Good luck.

Thanks, Lagoona - I agree wholeheartedly with what you've written.

My last ex really cared and set me up an appointment last week with her psychotherapist; unfortunately the guy ended up in casualty and had to cancel. My immediate reaction, after a totally wasted trip to Malta, was:

'Oh bollocks, I have too much to do before going to the UK - maybe I'll see him when I get back!'

Then I got to thinking. I thought nobody could help me but myself, but that 'talking things through' with this guy was likely to be of help. Why put it off? So I decided to make another appointment and shall see him on the way to the airport (off to the UK to finalise sale of my hovel).

I only have one slight 'problem'. I bought an excellent second-hand car and I'm taking it over on Tuesday, flying early hours Wednesday and returning Thursday, 5th June (my birthday).

You know I'm mean. I dislike paying car parking fees.

I'd like my ex girlfriend to have the use of it, but I feel sure she would neither want to see me before I go or feel in any way 'ingratiated'. It's insured for anybody to drive over the age of 25.

Lagoona, if you'd like the use of my car while I'm away you are more than welcome........ I'd rather somebody use it than pay the parking fee!

Thanks for the generous offer, but not necessary....I'm sorted for transport. My girlfriend has this sexy little coupé I can use till I buy myself something more practical to handle the potholes of Malta....perhaps a bulldozer.

But why sweat about parking fees?....leave your boy-racer at home, come over on the ferry, and get someone to drop you at the airport...seems the easier route to me...

Lagoona,

I lost ALL my friends in Malta - and I wouldn't want to impose on anybody anyway and I have to fart about seeing this psychologist in Sliema and hump my case around and I hate public transport and I'm not going to stress myself out......I'll take the car and pay the car park fees.. it's only 8 days and I can afford it, so wtf?

I think when a man wants that, he needs to be committed to becoming a decent, loving, committed, trusting, mutually beneficial, secure and happy man. And the first step to becoming that is to get off any emotional rollercoaster. And the way to do that is by deciding that that is what he really wants to do. To find a place without emotional turbulance - neither high nor low - would be my goal.

Three things;

1.Nice to see Rusty and Lago getting on again and Rusty offering the use of his car.

2. Physician heal thyself.

3. Quiriman, tis strangely true; when we are at our lowest we seem to find hidden strengths and when we are strong sometimes we have to learn that there is a vulnerability in our strength.

4. This post just made this Sunday a whole lot better.