Connecting Singles^® EU Forums100% Free Online Dating

Some people DO care!

Tomorrow evening I'm going to see a psychologist for an hour.

I don't expect miracles in one session, but I hope it shall be of some help.

Last night I crashed listening to the radio after midnight on the internet with the lights on and awoke at 1.20 a.m.

I have not been able to sleep since then.

I am really concerned that I am 'cracking up' - I'm crying as I am trying to type thyis bloody post!

Some bastard stole my prescription glasses about a week ago, but I can legally drive without them - it's just going to be a strain emotionally driving from Gatwick Airport to South Wales early on Wednesday morning on my own.

I'll stop every time I get tired.

I just want to get there in one piece.

I'm not coping too well right now and feel I've alienated all the people who I considered my friends.

I can't talk to my parents; I do not wish to upset them and my private life should be the last thing I'd wish to discuss with them anyway.

I feel I am coming to a crisis point in my life. I'm fighting to stay on top but feel I'm heading for a nervous breakdown; ending up in hospital I'd be of no use to my parents at all....... but I just can't cope with looking after them anymore - and my dad REFUSES to have anybody live in!

I have come to the point where I cannot let them manipulate me into staying.

I don't know if I should sell my little house in the UK (all set up now to sell on 8th June 2008).

Once my house is sold I won't be able to escape my self-impose prison here. I feel I can't escape and I so want my life back!

'king Hell - I refuse to carry on this 'pretend life' - it's no life at all!

I am feeling a little better now - just need to cope until I get on that plane!

'Downloading' in a forum isn't nice (sorry) but it was therapeutic for me, and one person was actually kind enough to email me with some advice!

[quote=rusty_knight]I am feeling a little better now - just need to cope until I get on that plane!

Just repeat to yoursef "Everything is gonna be better"..over and over again...until you start to believing in that. Be strong man , think about all the people who're truly suffering..yours are passable with a right attitude. Get lots of sleep too, it helps! Good luck with selling your house!

Sit down with a piece of blank paper and write down exactly what it is you want,now as well as in the future. Then decide which is the least painful way to get it. Then go get it. Ask yourself " What does Robert want "? And be totally honest withyourself.

Keep that piece of paper somewhere handy to review and revise as time goes on, be prepared to change things if they have to be, but be totally single minded in pursuing your goal. Do not be deflected by anyone (including yourself) or anything. Above all be patient.

[quote=AwesomeChoice]

Awesome - you ever had to face a quality versus quantity decision?

I sell my house - I increase my income for life

I keep my house - I could be 'fucked' financially

I sell my house - I burn my bridges to 'freedom'

I keep my house - I am 'free' but poor again!

Bums!¬

[quote=rusty_knight]

There have be other options like sell your house and buy another in Gozo.

[quote=Elley]

Not really, Elley - thought that one through..........the hovel is indeed a hovel and the profit (although 'huge' as a percentage of buying cost would not keep you in Rioja for more than a week or two!)

I assumed I'd invest the 'huge' profit (not much in real terms), but maybe I could rent a small one-bedroomed appartment for better quality shagging purposes?

[quote=rusty_knight]


Me thinks "a love nest" would sound waaaaayyyyyyyyy more appealling to the ladies than " a small one-bedroom appartment for better quality shagging purposes" ... If you're lucky not too many ladies will read your post ...

Rusty ... slow your mind down and don't do anything until you know WHAT it is that you want ... just take one day at a time, eat, sleep (even if it means drinking camomille while listening to meditation CD RATHER than using booze or sleeping pills), and breathe (focus on your breathing and slow it down to an even pace until you feel more peaceful) ... as long as you carry on doing those 3 vital things ... in between may following Elley's advice to help you work out a direction ... you will be ok ...

[quote=FlowerOfTheSun]

Excellent advice Flor.

[quote=rusty_knight]

Do the hovel up and rent it out using the profit to rent somewhere chesap in Gozo. Depends on the economy in Malta. You,d be quids in here in Spain.

[quote=Elley]


Hmmmmmmmmmmmm! I know too many women in Spain!

I need some peace!

[quote=rusty_knight]

And I need a piece.

Hi Rusty, I don't have much advice to give you unfortunately but I will pray for you and wish all goes well and that you will soon come to a decision that will be beneficial to you. Unfortunately, that is how it is still is in Malta, where parents control their kids even when they are soon pensioners themselves.. please do not take offence here, but I am trying to explain to all those who are not soooo common with the maltese attitude!

People like you have to stand on your feet and do not let anyone rule your life. Move on, and if your parents cannot cope without you, then there is always a care home possibility for them. Let them know how you feel and do not carry all this burden on your shoulders!

Good Luck and take care

You will be in my thoughts.
xxx xxx

Ah, so! Yes, it had to come to this ... and thank you for being so open here - it was sort of obvious that you were going into a stress mode in the last few weeks.

Once upon a time I also had this sort of problem ... and like was mentioned above ... the Main Advice given to me was to write on a piece of paper "What does ..(me)... want/feel?" Too many times we try and do things for Other people and this makes us miserable, and actually does not make the other people any happier. The only time Everyone is happy is when YOU are happy doing what YOU need to do!

You are living in a very nice house, and Gozo is a comfortable "village"? You want to actually sell your own house..... its not the Main Thing in life to own a house you not living in - just gives one headaches and worry.

If the budget can stretch to a Live-In Carer, then get one - Better than you going into hospital with a break-down. And it will free up your own time and mind from worries about your folks.

this works everytime

some pople need to have it in writing, some people just file things in their heads but this systems works

[quote=FlowerOfTheSun]

yep....

that helps a lot!

You know,everybody have hard times sometimes.Lot of people getting even depression.And I read in newspaper that scientists in medicine found out,that best healer is ....humor!Even for people with cancer that helps.Just need lot of time to spend listening jokes,watching show on tv,reading.Laugh is best thing what can make us to feel better.
One thing I know for sure,need to try to be positive,optimistic,and try to look at life with smile-what goes around comes around.
You are strong man with good sense of humor and you will find a way how to solve that problem with your parents.Just need to remember,that old parents are like small kids-not always need to listen what THEY want,just need to look what is better for them.And most important-for you.If you'll be happy,joyful and healthy then and for your parents all be fine.No matter where you live,important how you live.Good luck to you!

you think you have problems, please help me with mine.

recently i did the psychologist or psychiatrist thing also. i was surprised by the results. it was a validation that hey i am doing well. practicing better self care than i have ever in my life. i had been discouraged and i came away with a good feeling and continued making some positive changes in my life.

which brings me to my problem though. i have recently quit smoking and have been into getting in good shape for sometime and try to live with a lot of love for my life, people in it and things and places.

my son who i brought over here to live with me, he had been out of the house for two years before he joined me here last year to attend college. he is 21. i have always had a problem with his slovenliness . and figured this would be once again a chance to help him learn some good new habits.

it has been a year and maybe i am noticing it more because of the stopping smoking and also am dating a new guy that really makes me want to live and be better. a good influence, but i am not letting this influence my decision with my son.

the son's girlfriend who is also a slob recently got her own apartment and he started spending time there. i had forgotten how nice it was to have my house to my self and to experience the joy i get when i walk into a room that is nice and tidy. so i have been insisting he stay at her place or begging him to stay there.

after raising 6 kids i have done way to much for them and it is my fault for always being a pushover. and he thinks he can have his way now. he tries to take advantage of me. yesterday he tried to talk me into giving him the car and what else does he want. it seems like everything and he is always so nice to me but i just felt i had to say no.

he trashes my car and it just kills me. and it is my car, i paid a lot for it

and as a woman it is something i am very proud of and i take excellent care of the car i value very much. and i take good care of my home. i just can't get him to have the same pride in things.

so yesterday he got mad at me when i said no and actually was threatening to me. he was driving and threatened to run off the road and scared me. i want to have his little ass on the next place home. i just shook my head and i am so disappointed. i have never seen this side of him. i guess i have never said no.

he doesn't want to go back to the states and does not think i am serious about sending him home. but i can do this. i don't know about here but i have u.s. authorities here and it is illegal to threaten others. i think i can have him arrested actually. maybe it would be the best thing for him. i really want nothing to do with this lazy 21 year old who is threatening me. after all i have done for him, this is the thanks you get.

i hate to do this to him but it might be for the best for him. i think i have more than fullfilled my obligation to him as a parent. i have loved and supported him all his life and apparently he learned this bad behavior from his father. i don't need this in my life anymore. and is one of the reasons i have been divorced since 2002.

i am afraid i am being to rash but i don't want to have to argue with him again either.

i went over 4000 so will continue

rusty, i own a house in the states. that i can not sell. i am thinking of advertising it at a lower price and losing money on it. it is costing me tooo much. it was such a nice house but the guy who is taking care of it and the rental that is not rented right now just told me it has mold and needs new flooring and $$'s. i would love to burn it down. maybe it will be worth something to me someday but right now it is keeping me pooor. good luck on yours

it seems like we are both after the same thing getting our life back. i sound a lot closer than you do though. i work with a lady who takes care of her parents who live on their own also. she works herself to death doing for them. i can't understand that. she has no life. i can't understand parents who would do that to their children. i would not do that. i don't expect anyone to take care of me when i am old and feeble if i ever am. and they don't expect me to leave any money for them either.

i am taking it with me or using it up. i want to sit on a bar stool and play pool when i am old. and living in a rest home and be waited on. no cooking or cleaning. how nice that would be.

i am so sorry for your problem, it is much worse than mine. i will pray about my problem and put in a good word for you also. nc

NC, just my 5-cents worth.....

I can never understand mothers who spoil their children rotten, and then are surprised when their kids grow up to be spoilt brats who take advantage of their parents and basically treat them like a convenience. As you sow, so you shall reap. The greatest gift you can give to a child is the gift of self-discipline. Without it, you can achieve nothing of any value.

My advice??...kick his selfish little ass all the way back to the States and let him take care of himself and struggle for once in his life. It would be the greatest act of kindness on your part. He will benefit from it immeasurably, and may one day learn to appreciate you.