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I've heard different opinions on this, and would love to hear yours.



Do you think that you can truly be in love with more than one person at a time?

Are there different 'degrees' to which you can be in love?

Could you perhaps be 'in love' with one person, and at the same time infatuated by someone else?

How do you tell the difference between 'falling in love' and 'falling in lust'?

None of these situations are easy to be in, I'm sure - what would be a good way of solving them?

I think that you can't be in love and having meaningful sex with more than one person at a time. You can have, I would think, lots of different types of sexual relationships, just not meaningful ones. We have a tendency to catorgarise everything but maybe things aren't so simple. I think every instance of love is different because the recepient of that love is unique. jmo

Yes, I agree with you there.

In my mind there are 4 main categories:

1. Loving - You love someone - it's enduring all encompassing
2. Being in love - You fall IN love, it mean you can fall OUT of love - Only feels good during the romantic peachy rosey phase ... Not allways enduring, all encompassing BUT could change to just loving.
3. Being infatuated - A bit like number 2 but stronger and all consuming - A bit of a "mental madness/illness" type syndrome - NOT at all healthy or rewarding.
4. Being in lust - Fancy the pants off someone - Most of the time, once the "sex thing" has worn off there is nothing left.

I am not sure if it's possible to TRULY love someone (number 1) and suddenly start becoming infatuated with someone else or think you have "fallen in love" with someone else ...

This is a very interesting topic. The love between two people is unique.
If one had three children, one would love each very dearly, but the link between the parent and the child is a unique bond, and the parent does not use the same bond to share with the other children.

I think that it is even so with people in love. Because of the intimate relationship between two people, I find it difficult to love two or more people at the same time. One could have sex however with more than one, without having any sort of love relationship

I think the way you put it Flower, is the most precise description of the various types of "love".

no, on the first one. i can only be truly in love with one person at any time. if i am playing around i can be dating and having fun with as many as i can keep straight. and 5 is too many. but if i am in love it is with one person and one person only and i will tell you or them which game we are playing. and it takes me awhile to decide if i want to fall in love or not again and sometimes you just have no choice, bam it happens, it hits you like lightening when you least expect it.

are there different degrees to which you can be in love. yes, i guess, there are but i think my intensity level is just going up. my last affairs, were thought he was the "one" and before that it was he thought i was a very beautiful woman and everything i did was perfection and he was fine, and before that was hot and comfortable. so i guess there are different degrees. i was hoping i was just improving with each one and learning how to love better and deeper and hotter..........

when i am in love with one person, that is usually the only person i am infatuated by, i think. i even pictured me turning down the president of france and several movie stars last time i was in love and did turn down lots of hotties for the last one i was involved with also. the sun rose and set with him. he was so good.

no i can not tell the difference between falling in love and lust and that can be a real problem if your horny and drink to much. the next day you are going what was i thinking??

if i don't fall in lust when i fall in love that could be a serious problem also. i do know i think it is more than lust when i am falling in love. when i am falling in love we will have moments that i know mean more, intimate moments starring into one anothers eyes, saying what we really mean. there is more sharing here. and have never been the type for lust without love. but do like that lust.

Common sense and everyday life events tells me is possible to fall in love with more than one person at a time and at different times with "varying degrees"for them that have the gift.

The compositions of beauty and love are often times inter-twined-just like the liquid of a perfume and the aroma in infused -two inseparable companions.

While one may choose not to have two affairs for sake of reputation and trust:it doesnt erase the truth that there are stars,comets,meteors and asteriods whose brightness and sterling beauty supersedes waning candle light one is beholding in the nights of life.

Each of us is endowed with distinct features that distinguish our personalities which often times defines our affinities to others.compare sodium ions,potassium ions and the inert elments in the period table(chemistry).
some have tens,some five and others just one. Some recognise their deficiencies on time and spend and be spent to improve while some dont even care and watch life pass them bye,some update existings to keep up with the trend of life.
It all depends on one's chioce.Everything is possible

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So far I haven't heard anyone raise the 'guilt' or the 'resentment' factors. Including those would of course multiply the complexity of these issues exponentially.

In love, infatuation and sex and amibiguous friendships all things are possible. Recognising that, humans from the times of being cave dwellers to modern society has sought to establish conventions - which every living being has at one time or another strained against. The strangest thing is the way convention has affected our minds...we we are convention bound internally. We simply stop ourselves from doing things which would hurt others or create too much guilt in ourselves.

Maybe it'd have been simpler to be an animal less complex than a human...but a bird or a beetle, I'm told are ferociously possive creatures too.

There is an extremely interesting book called The Moral Animal: why we are the way we are by Robert Wright a science editor of The Economist magazine. It is worth reading and it is an eye-opener.

Differnet strokes for different animals it seems.

The innocent sounding ladybird, for example, is a total sexfiend - boinking 'the spots off' any other ladybird withing crawling distance in a frenzy of unadultered lust.

Seahorses - those cute little thingies we once thought mated for life are just as bad - never wiggle your finger in front of a male seahorse (unless you're kinky of course).....

Ok, so albatrosses mate for life - so what? Who wants to spend 90+% of their time floating the small thermals over nasty seas without 'coming home to roost' for months at a time?

I think human beings share a lot of behavioural characteristics with other primates - the lady chimps are at it like monkeys with evert Tom, Dick and Harry as long as they don't get caught...... ok, that wasn't very true or very nice - but who really knows?

Are we a naturally monogamous species(as most of us would like to think), or are we more like some characters in the bible (e.g. King Solomon who had hundreds of wives and consorts and the odd fling with a nice looking woman on the side)?

Oh Nina, I love debates like this.

In answer to your questions, yes I do believe that a person can be in love with more than one person. However, as my ex was, he still maintained his female friendships and I know he loved them, hence part of the reason why I still care for him, he had that amazing ability never to be petty or jealous, but still it did not work out.

Yes, I believe there are different degrees to which we can love. Children, how many times do we hear that people will killk for their children, I do not and cannot subscribe to that theory, you only have to sit on a plane, what do they tell you? Put yourown oxygen mask on first, how can you help your children if you are incapcitated? I love wholly, but the areas of that love are delivered accordingly.

Yes, I think you can be, in love with one person, yet infatuated with another, it is possible, media makes that very possible, yet it is down to the individual to ensure that partnerships are respected and loved and cherished, if not then there is a problem.

Oh, lust and love, I want both, not just one or the other, but yes I can tell the difference, lust is sex alone, true grounded love comes from all aspects, not just the physical. I know a handful of friends who are happy to have one night stands and that is ok, they mitake lust for love, then they are falling apart when the guys do not call.

The only way of solving any situation, is to remove oneself from it, as hard as it is.

Think of a child, would you leave them in such a situation?

No, you would remove them and protect them, we have a responsibility to ourselves as adults to do that, yet for some reason, we never do.

Plus, I do not like genderising the issue, but men are different from women. They think differently, they are a species on their own as we girls are.

I await the onslaught, but hey, I am happy to share my views.

Dependence is yet another factor...someone you can 'eternally' depend on. Something like the thoughts expressed in "health as in sickness". We are not unlike animals at all except one very small difference - we are freer. And oddly this very freedom constricts us.

I am having a hard time expressing my view in this...

I can only have a crush for one single person at a time.

I can love more than one, but not many, as in love between man and woman.

I can love endless for kin and friends.

I would suppress my love for any other woman than the one I live with / entertain relationship with for natural reasons; love for your partner takes nurturing and care to keep fresh and strong.

Something like that.

No onslaught - not from me anyway.

Men and women are different, but in a sensible way that makes survival more likely; to be able to understand how we are different gives individuals the opportunity to live happier and more rewarding lives.

Scientists are discovering more and more about 'what makes us tick' day by day, but I think the best way for different sexes to approach each other is with some respect rather than dismissing the other person as acting like 'a typical male' or 'a typical woman' every time we have a communication problem.

I believe one thing that can go wrong is assuming what the other person wants by treating the other person as if they are a copy of ourselves - kinda 'The other person loves me and must therefore understand me' trap.

It's nice to treat others like we like to be treated ourselves, but maybe it would make more sense to ask the questions in the format:

'What do you FEEL about......blah blah?'

instead of assuming that your good intentions when converted into actions are going to be appreciated. Now, I could be totally wrong here, because whenever I've asked a lady what she'd like to do she always put the ball back into my court, so to speak!

I shall have to use cunning words in the future such as:

'How would you feel if we went out to restaurant 'x'?' to elicit some form of decision.

Asking a perfectly straightforward question such as:

'Shall we go out to restaruant 'x', 'y' or 'z'?' always seems to get the reply:

'I don't mind dear, you choose!'

Grrrrrrrrr!

Dammit, when a man wants to treat a lady, he wants to know where SHE wants to go as he wants to make HER happy!

Words are emotive forms of communication - some people like words that are visual, some prefer words that are more tactile, some prefer words that are associated with sounds or smells.

Simple guys like me just want straight answers to straight questions, which is a problem when dealing with a similar but not quite the same kind of human being - i.e. a member of the opposite sex!

dont think u can romantically love more than one person at a time, u always favour one, nice to see rusty knight back

Rusty.

You know, I think you are fabulous.

But sometimes, women are simply women and they rely on their man to make decisions for them.

In the example you use above, restaurants.

Instead of asking her where she would like to go, just go ahead and make the reservation, do not give her a choice.

'Darling, I really fancied taking you out for dinner this evening, so I have booked a table for us at 7.30pm at (insert name of your fave restaurant here)

We are simple creatures too. We like solutions, we make enough decisions throughout the day, children, jobs, make it easier for us, and yourself and you might just find a little peace.

I think I get where you are coming from.

I am a totally faithful person, yet I can love many people, but if I am with a man that I want to be with then I will be only with him.

If it is the right man, then I will not want to be with anyone else and I will devote my love and time to him.

Not about whether we can or cannot, it is about whether we want to.

My thoughts anyway.

That was the word I was looking for - Devotion!

And that is what makes it hard to have a relation with more than one person.

I am with you.

Thanks for the welcome back!

I'm not sure about the 'one can only love one person romantically at a time' thing; it obviously makes sense to ONLY be involved with one person romantically with one person at a time for a host of logical reasons - ranging from the fear of catching nasty diseases to not wanting to feel jealousy or fear of insecurity.

Power and an unacceptable (by normal standards) sex drive seem to go hand in hand - am I right in saying that most very wealthy/powerful men (leaders of industry and political leaders) seem to have complicated personal lives?

Is it just that they are more in the public eye than us 'normal' people?

Both men and women are capable of infidelity - are they happy to be unfaithful as long as they are not found out.......that way they can have the security of a stable relationship combined with the excitement of the forbidden/unknown?

Some people have 'open' relationships - maybe it works for them but it seems kinda 'yucky' and 'seedy' to me......... maybe I'm just a prude!

The bottom line to me seems to be that the act of love should be the most precious thing a couple can share that is exclusive to the relationship.......... sharing that physical act with other people can only denigrate what should be so special and unique to a couple that wants their love to grow and grow in an atmosphere of mutual trust.

So, I don't believe one can be romantically involved with more than one person - unless your definition of 'romance' is less than true love.

What do you think?

Interesting thread, I was about to start one a little similar called Polygamy pays momogamy sucks.

Fact we live in a pretty screwed up world as far as personal relationships go and in my experience there seems to be a lot more polygamy than monogamy. Here,s the rub; if you are polygamous you stand less chance of getting hurt, it seems. You just screw what comes your way and stay out of love. Oooooor, you fall in love, comit and run the risk of getting hurt, it seems.

Now I am not advocating a polygamous lifestyle, indeed I stay away from both and live a monastic life. Of course this way lies emotional and psychological deprivation ( but spititual abundance) but at least you don,t get hurt and you don,t hurt others. Just a few thoughts.