Rules of engagement:
1. First and always your kids come first. This means everything you do has to be in the best interests of the child and not just you. No judge should ever go against you if you can prove you put the kid/s first.
2. Do not talk against the enemy to the kids.Much as you may hate your ex he or she is still that child,s parent and the child will love that parent no matter what he or she has done to you.
3. Your kids are not stupid, they can see all by themselves what is happening, they take it all in. When they grow up they will come to you (mine from the first marriage have

).
4. Keep a record of everything that happens and if necessary report it to the relevant authorities.
5. Get a good, bi-lingual solicitor. Make him or prove they are fluent in English and have lots of experience in divorce or seperation.
6. Refer your ex to your solicitor ALWAYS.
Here in Spain you can get legal aid if your income falls below a certain threshold (it,s called abogado oficio). However, beware that if it is a case that goes to court the loser gets to pay ALL costs ! So it is in fact only a loan til somebody wins/loses.
7. Look after yourself:eat,sleep,exercise well. Relax. Life is long and all will come good in the end.
8 .Be frugal right from the start, it can be a very long haul.
9. Tempting as it is at times, try never to make things worse. Do not add fuel to the flames. Simply note what has been said/done and report it.
10. Never forget to tell and show your kids how much they mean to you.
And finally, try to avoid thinking too much about what a twat your ex is. Rejoice that you are free of it, it is somebody else,s problem now, not yours. And remember, there are some truly wonderful people in the world (one or two here at CS).