Whats the pros N cons of dateing a Single Mum/Dad??

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Zee_nikki mellieha, Majjistral Malta
Hi all, just a question? b4 i had my bubba i never had a problem with dateing a man with children and still dont.
whats all your opinions on the situation?



Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
Zee_nikki: Hi all, just a question? b4 i had my bubba i never had a problem with dateing a man with children and still dont.
whats all your opinions on the situation?



Hi Nikki

I do not see any problem with having a relationship with a person who has children.

It will become a problem if we make it one.

The age of the children will depend on how a relationship evolves and how much time is available.

I have two late teen children and they are quite keen for me to meet a person...











guiriman south of milan, Lombardy Italy
Sommerauer71: Hi Nikki

I do not see any problem with having a relationship with a person who has children.

It will become a problem if we make it one.

The age of the children will depend on how a relationship evolves and how much time is available.

I have two late teen children and they are quite keen for me to meet a person...


By dint of being in a one parent family, the child may have gone though some fairly traumatic times and might be feeling insecure - and I think this can lead to problems. Apart from that I agree.

this is a popular subject today laugh






Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
guiriman: By dint of being in a one parent family, the child may have gone though some fairly traumatic times and might be feeling insecure - and I think this can lead to problems. Apart from that I agree.

this is a popular subject today



It is.

But then if a child has gone through traumatic times, then it is down to the carer to address that and not expect the new partner to do that. If he- she comes into that person``s life and that child's life, and there is honesty and togetherness, it will not take long for a child to feel secure and loved.

That is what children are like, they are so easy to love, and nurture.

guiriman south of milan, Lombardy Italy
Sommerauer71: It is.

But then if a child has gone through traumatic times, then it is down to the carer to address that and not expect the new partner to do that. If he- she comes into that person``s life and that child's life, and there is honesty and togetherness, it will not take long for a child to feel secure and loved.

That is what children are like, they are so easy to love, and nurture.



absolutely.thumbs up

I must have read the question wrong. I thought it was asking for the pros and cons of dating when a child is involved. dunno




Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
guiriman: absolutely.

I must have read the question wrong. I thought it was asking for the pros and cons of dating when a child is involved.



No, you did not read it wrong, it is.

The OP has a young baby, her question is a valid one.

I ahve taken it off to a different direction, coz I am a pain in the ass.

I cannot answer for a young child, I was married and not out there.



phoenix paris, Ile-de-France France
Sommerauer71:

I have taken it off to a different direction, coz I am a pain in the ass.



I'll drink some plonk to that...
jan45 Sofia, Sofiya-Grad Bulgaria
A friend of mine said:"Date a single mom,not to overdrive yourself to make children!"rolling on the floor laughing



Lagoona22 Bugibba, Majjistral Malta
The only risk in dating a woman who has young children is, that if you manage to wean her off domestic duties for an evening and take her out for a swanky dinner, she may start spoon-feeding you out of pure habit....


wow



phoenix paris, Ile-de-France France
Zee_nikki: Hi all, just a question? b4 i had my bubba i never had a problem with dateing a man with children and still dont.
whats all your opinions on the situation?


I will come to this question...Food for thought.



Zee_nikki mellieha, Majjistral Malta
hahahahah
Patrick200778 eindhoven, Noord-Brabant Netherlands
how about a relationship where the ex wife for example has a new boyfriend that tries to assume a father role to your son (your as of me in a father sense), even when you (father) are trying to protect the child into understanding that he only has one father and one mother
guiriman south of milan, Lombardy Italy
Patrick200778: how about a relationship where the ex wife for example has a new boyfriend that tries to assume a father role to your son (your as of me in a father sense), even when you (father) are trying to protect the child into understanding that he only has one father and one mother


yeah it's a difficult situation..luckily my exwife has always played fair with me in this regard...my daughter knows she only has one father and that's me .. even tho' her mother has had a new partner for quite a while now...

i can only say that kids aren't dumb...they know who their parents are no matter what the external situation might be...i know it does your head in tho.. i can empathize with that...

good to meet you Patrick handshake



Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
Patrick200778: how about a relationship where the ex wife for example has a new boyfriend that tries to assume a father role to your son (your as of me in a father sense), even when you (father) are trying to protect the child into understanding that he only has one father and one mother


Welcome Patrick and lovely to meet you.

Difficult isn't it?

My children have their stepmother, who many years ago assumed the mother role.

I embraced it rather than fought it, my children know who their mother is and I found that the more I embraced it, the more she backed off. I killed her with kindness, so that she has no excuse to say anything ill of me on front of the children.

She has since gone on to be a mother herself, so she knows that feeling now, of being a parent.

We ahve since become good friends, which is so much nicer for all children involved, it takes the level of burden from their shoulders.

My advice would be that, embrace it, but your child will know who his father is and that will never change, you are the one thing that he can never be and that is your child's father and parent.

CuspofMagic Crystal City, South Australia Australia
Sommerauer71: Welcome Patrick and lovely to meet you.

Difficult isn't it?

My children have their stepmother, who many years ago assumed the mother role.

I embraced it rather than fought it, my children know who their mother is and I found that the more I embraced it, the more she backed off. I killed her with kindness, so that she has no excuse to say anything ill of me on front of the children.

She has since gone on to be a mother herself, so she knows that feeling now, of being a parent.

We ahve since become good friends, which is so much nicer for all children involved, it takes the level of burden from their shoulders.

My advice would be that, embrace it, but your child will know who his father is and that will never change, you are the one thing that he can never be and that is your child's father and parent.


ah what a wonderful way of diffusing --- the 'Control" element thumbs up



Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
CuspofMagic: ah what a wonderful way of diffusing --- the 'Control" element



It worked, my children have a wonderful, healthy loving relationship with their father, as they should, their stepmother and they have their adored baby brother, why fight that?

My children love their father, their stepmother, me feeling bitter about it all would not serve them well at all, I would hurt them and myself.

Makes life easier all round, no torn loyalties, children who are worried that they may upset the other parent.

Just worked, and kindness and dinity will shine through, always.

Bitterness and anger will not.

CuspofMagic Crystal City, South Australia Australia
Sommerauer71: It worked, my children have a wonderful, healthy loving relationship with their father, as they should, their stepmother and they have their adored baby brother, why fight that?

My children love their father, their stepmother, me feeling bitter about it all would not serve them well at all, I would hurt them and myself.

Makes life easier all round, no torn loyalties, children who are worried that they may upset the other parent.

Just worked, and kindness and dinity will shine through, always.

Bitterness and anger will not.
applause



phoenix paris, Ile-de-France France
Patrick200778: how about a relationship where the ex wife for example has a new boyfriend that tries to assume a father role to your son (your as of me in a father sense), even when you (father) are trying to protect the child into understanding that he only has one father and one mother


Serious..take the BF to one side a talk to him.Tel him you are the father and he has a bit part in their (kids) lives..And if he doesn't listen(BF) give him a slap...



Sommerauer71 Salzburg, Salzburg Austria
phoenix: Serious..take the BF to one side a talk to him.Tel him you are the father and he has a bit part in their (kids) lives..And if he doesn't listen(BF) give him a slap...


Phoenix, that is not the way to handle this.

The BF will know Patrick is the father.

I love you to death, but I could brain you sometimes.




phoenix paris, Ile-de-France France
Sommerauer71: Phoenix, that is not the way to handle this.

The BF will know Patrick is the father.

I love you to death, but I could brain you sometimes.


Hi sommer..I'm serious. I had one of the BF's of the enemy trying to tell me what I could and could not do with my monsters..And the enemy backed him up...Sometimes in life you have to do un-necessary things. I was diplomatic and exausted every other avenue first.


One of the best pro's is using the other person as a sounding board...Ask them how they sorted out things or how they came to terms with certain situations..Or how their kids reacted to the separation..

One of the biggest cons is you have everything planned for a weekend away/out to dinner with your new BF and junior stubbs this big toe and is balling his eyes out.Dilemas...

Not excatly a con but a worry. If things started to work out and you both have kids with other people. Will the kids get on.And more imporantly how will they(his kids) react to you and vice -versa. But before either of you meet each others kids. Sort the ground rules out. The 'role' each of you will play or are prepared to play in each others 'kids' lives..

In a nutshell doesn't annoy me and I don't think about it as such..Only because of ther break down of the families today,you can nearly always take it for granted that there will be kids in the back ground from 30+...IMO




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