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About me and who I'm looking for

About me:

Greetings. I'm building a house on the Highway 11 corridor (Ontario). I designed it alone, and building as alone as possible. I boat summers in the many lakes out here; the open waters create a very nice feeling. I only go when the "kids" are up, as going alone doesn't inspire much. I have four adult boys. I love to sing as professionally as possible because bad notes ruin the great feelings that music creates in me. I believe in marriage with one woman, and to be faithful for life. I'm not going to church at present but maybe I should get to it. I don't like winters, stressful movies, television, or ants in my food. I'm usually clean-shaved, and I'm pretty cool until either mosquitos or heat gets to me. I'm not telling you anymore because someone informed me that I'm to keep some secrets so as to tantalize you into begging me to get to know you. Are you drooling yet?

I'm looking for:

An "ideal match"? This is a trick question, a conspiracy by the women to trap us guys into saying something wrong. How socially-correct do we need to be here on this suspicious question? I can't say I want someone serious because I'll get charged with not being fun. And I can't say I want someone fun or I'll be charged with not being serious. One thing I know, I can't say I want a beautiful woman because then I'll get accused of wanting just physical. Most of what I know is, woman are impossible at times, but shh, don't tell anyone I told you. They always misinterpret whatever a guy says or does. If I put on sunglasses, I'm girl watching. If I take them off, then I'm looking at an amazing babe. If I use "real babe," then I'm unrespectable. If I use "exceptional women," then I'm stuffy. What can a man say and get away with while coming out looking good? It doesn't exist. If I write poetry, then there I'm safe, because women haven't yet found a way to criticize that. But really us guys can't write poetry because we hate trying to find rhyming words at the end of sentences that simultaneously make sense. Cleaning our tools is much more rewarding. Actually, that was a half-lie. I can write some hot poems that will make a woman dream. But now that I've told you, you think I'm a loose jigalo. An ideal match is when a woman and a man are equals, and they don't fight, and they make great love together that always gets better and better with every wrinkle. Now you'll say I'm just saying what you want to hear. So, this is a trick question without a possible answer. It's the death of all guys to answer it, and I refuse. Next question please.