How much jealousy is too much? (99)
That last option, 'people expect a show of jealousy in a new relationship' - agree? I'd never heard that before
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Elegsabiff: I've always been a bit possessive when I care about someone. Apologizing now to anyone who felt I was jealous, and I laughed at them in disbelief. I didn't think I was, but it isn't comfortable or funny when it comes back the other way.
Where does possessiveness cross the line? I'm suddenly much more interested in the subject than I ever was before!
When it's a constant interference in a relationship Where does possessiveness cross the line? I'm suddenly much more interested in the subject than I ever was before!
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Brannigan70: When it's a constant interference in a relationship
Well, yeah. Constantly having to explain yourself, dread saying the wrong thing by accident, or even glancing at the good-looking guy in the corner because the Edinburgh Festival is on and he looks like an actor? (You probably don't do a lot of that last ...)
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rohaan: In short, people need to grow up. Jealousy is B.S.
Yes!
I always believed that if the relationship is solid, jealousy is stupid. If there's real cause for jealousy, walk away. Run away! (That's why I never considered myself jealous, I was never stressing about the relationship itself - or I was gone!)
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Elegsabiff: Well, yeah. Constantly having to explain yourself, dread saying the wrong thing by accident, or even glancing at the good-looking guy in the corner because the Edinburgh Festival is on and he looks like an actor? (You probably don't do a lot of that last ...)
When is the Edinburgh Festival? Which corner will he be on?
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Elegsabiff: Yes!
I always believed that if the relationship is solid, jealousy is stupid. If there's real cause for jealousy, walk away. Run away! (That's why I never considered myself jealous, I was never stressing about the relationship itself - or I was gone!)
I always believed that if the relationship is solid, jealousy is stupid. If there's real cause for jealousy, walk away. Run away! (That's why I never considered myself jealous, I was never stressing about the relationship itself - or I was gone!)
You're a classy lassie--good for you. 
**a Baker's dozen for you
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I think we can all have a pang of 'jealousy' from time to time, but it's how we deal with it that's important.
I think can be about feeling insecure, fear and distrust, or maybe a bit of greed for that person.
Personally, I'd rather take a look at myself and what my problem is, than stop any partner from interacting, or being kind/flirty/sociable with others. I like to see a partner interact positively with others, even if I get a little pang of wishing it was me getting all their attention.
At the end of the day, if someone's gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. If they're not gonna leave you, they're not gonna leave you. You can't control that, but you can certainly chuck a bloody great spanner in the works of a relationship with mistrust, demands, arguments and trying to control your partner's interactions with others.
I think can be about feeling insecure, fear and distrust, or maybe a bit of greed for that person.
Personally, I'd rather take a look at myself and what my problem is, than stop any partner from interacting, or being kind/flirty/sociable with others. I like to see a partner interact positively with others, even if I get a little pang of wishing it was me getting all their attention.
At the end of the day, if someone's gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. If they're not gonna leave you, they're not gonna leave you. You can't control that, but you can certainly chuck a bloody great spanner in the works of a relationship with mistrust, demands, arguments and trying to control your partner's interactions with others.
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rohaan: You're a classy lassie--good for you. *
*a Baker's dozen for you
*a Baker's dozen for you
ta ever so 
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Elegsabiff: Well, yeah. Constantly having to explain yourself, dread saying the wrong thing by accident, or even glancing at the good-looking guy in the corner because the Edinburgh Festival is on and he looks like an actor? (You probably don't do a lot of that last ...)
Nope not the last , but I have the hots for Ashley Judd to name one of a few 
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rohaan: When is the Edinburgh Festival?
Nearly all of August - Scotland's hottest and, sometimes, driest month. It is an experience, and everyone is either an actor, a comedian, in a show, or dressing to look as though they are
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jac_the_gripper: I think we can all have a pang of 'jealousy' from time to time, but it's how we deal with it that's important.
I think can be about feeling insecure, fear and distrust, or maybe a bit of greed for that person.
Personally, I'd rather take a look at myself and what my problem is, than stop any partner from interacting, or being kind/flirty/sociable with others. I like to see a partner interact positively with others, even if I get a little pang of wishing it was me getting all their attention.
At the end of the day, if someone's gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. If they're not gonna leave you, they're not gonna leave you. You can't control that, but you can certainly chuck a bloody great spanner in the works of a relationship with mistrust, demands, arguments and trying to control your partner's interactions with others.
I think can be about feeling insecure, fear and distrust, or maybe a bit of greed for that person.
Personally, I'd rather take a look at myself and what my problem is, than stop any partner from interacting, or being kind/flirty/sociable with others. I like to see a partner interact positively with others, even if I get a little pang of wishing it was me getting all their attention.
At the end of the day, if someone's gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. If they're not gonna leave you, they're not gonna leave you. You can't control that, but you can certainly chuck a bloody great spanner in the works of a relationship with mistrust, demands, arguments and trying to control your partner's interactions with others.
Ain't that the truth? No normal relationship is exclusive from day one. You spend time together because you want to, and you spend more and more time together if you want to, but you don't drop the rest of your life instantly, that would be weird.
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Brannigan70: Nope not the last , but I have the hots for Ashley Judd to name one of a few
Nothing wrong with your taste
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jac_the_gripper: I think we can all have a pang of 'jealousy' from time to time, but it's how we deal with it that's important.
I think can be about feeling insecure, fear and distrust, or maybe a bit of greed for that person.
Personally, I'd rather take a look at myself and what my problem is, than stop any partner from interacting, or being kind/flirty/sociable with others. I like to see a partner interact positively with others, even if I get a little pang of wishing it was me getting all their attention.
At the end of the day, if someone's gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. If they're not gonna leave you, they're not gonna leave you. You can't control that, but you can certainly chuck a bloody great spanner in the works of a relationship with mistrust, demands, arguments and trying to control your partner's interactions with others.
So true of everyday kind of events .I think can be about feeling insecure, fear and distrust, or maybe a bit of greed for that person.
Personally, I'd rather take a look at myself and what my problem is, than stop any partner from interacting, or being kind/flirty/sociable with others. I like to see a partner interact positively with others, even if I get a little pang of wishing it was me getting all their attention.
At the end of the day, if someone's gonna leave you, they're gonna leave you. If they're not gonna leave you, they're not gonna leave you. You can't control that, but you can certainly chuck a bloody great spanner in the works of a relationship with mistrust, demands, arguments and trying to control your partner's interactions with others.
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Elegsabiff: Well, yeah. Constantly having to explain yourself, dread saying the wrong thing by accident, or even glancing at the good-looking guy in the corner because the Edinburgh Festival is on and he looks like an actor? (You probably don't do a lot of that last ...)
Sounds like obsessive, controlling behaviour to me
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Elegsabiff: Ain't that the truth? No normal relationship is exclusive from day one. You spend time together because you want to, and you spend more and more time together if you want to, but you don't drop the rest of your life instantly, that would be weird.
Would you expect to drop the rest of your life in time?
Or would you expect your partner to?
Does exclusivity mean you and your partner have to become insular?
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serene56: Sounds like obsessive, controlling behaviour to me
Yup, to me too. I probably let it get too far, tbh, because I was a bit fascinated to see what it was like to be on the receiving end. I truly don't think I was ever like this, but a previous fella said he felt he had to be careful how he worded things. Eep. I feel terrible.
Mind you, previous fella did used to say things like he'd got a passionate message from a woman on the website who wanted to meet him. I do feel a flicker of interest is in order then. Bite me!
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jac_the_gripper: Would you expect to drop the rest of your life in time?
Or would you expect your partner to?
Does exclusivity mean you and your partner have to become insular?
Or would you expect your partner to?
Does exclusivity mean you and your partner have to become insular?
No relationship can exist in a glass bubble, sealing out the world, can you IMAGINE how awful that would be? yikes!
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Elegsabiff: Nothing wrong with your taste
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Brannigan70: So true of everyday kind of events .
Absolutely.
Our interactions with others are a two way street. It's as much to do with ourselves as the person we're interacting with.
The difference is, the only person we can control is ourselves.
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Brannigan70: I keep some in reserve for my mouth on those rare snogging occasions
Rare? with that Irish charm, those Hugh Grant looks, those LEGS? Pshaw. Too modest.
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jac_the_gripper: Absolutely.
Our interactions with others are a two way street. It's as much to do with ourselves as the person we're interacting with.
The difference is, the only person we can control is ourselves.
Spot on Our interactions with others are a two way street. It's as much to do with ourselves as the person we're interacting with.
The difference is, the only person we can control is ourselves.
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Elegsabiff: No relationship can exist in a glass bubble, sealing out the world, can you IMAGINE how awful that would be? yikes!
Having lived through the personal experience I can assure you it is not a comfortable way in which to have a relationship.
Especially when it is one sided they could look at their beloved stars on stage at different shows I would drive them there then read a book but if I dared to look upwards or glance sideways it became a perpetual battle and it is very hard for the one who is not jealous to pacify the other.
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Stedan: Having lived through the personal experience I can assure you it is not a comfortable way in which to have a relationship.
Especially when it is one sided they could look at their beloved stars on stage at different shows I would drive them there then read a book but if I dared to look upwards or glance sideways it became a perpetual battle and it is very hard for the one who is not jealous to pacify the other.
Especially when it is one sided they could look at their beloved stars on stage at different shows I would drive them there then read a book but if I dared to look upwards or glance sideways it became a perpetual battle and it is very hard for the one who is not jealous to pacify the other.
Wow. Impossible, once it has reached that stage, I would think.
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I do know that when my chosen one got defensive, dismissive, or annoyed, I went, because I was no longer comfortable with the relationship or the way it made me feel.
I also know that there were ways of handling me that worked instantly. Not reassurance, just a wake-up call. Common sense, logic, that sort of stuff. So I've tried that. NOT working.
Going, going, gone. But I do appreciate the feedback, I was confused by the levels involved. Tricky one to judge.
I also know that there were ways of handling me that worked instantly. Not reassurance, just a wake-up call. Common sense, logic, that sort of stuff. So I've tried that. NOT working.
Going, going, gone. But I do appreciate the feedback, I was confused by the levels involved. Tricky one to judge.
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Elegsabiff: I do know that when my chosen one got defensive, dismissive, or annoyed, I went, because I was no longer comfortable with the relationship or the way it made me feel.
I also know that there were ways of handling me that worked instantly. Not reassurance, just a wake-up call. Common sense, logic, that sort of stuff. So I've tried that. NOT working.
Going, going, gone. But I do appreciate the feedback, I was confused by the levels involved. Tricky one to judge.
I also know that there were ways of handling me that worked instantly. Not reassurance, just a wake-up call. Common sense, logic, that sort of stuff. So I've tried that. NOT working.
Going, going, gone. But I do appreciate the feedback, I was confused by the levels involved. Tricky one to judge.
Being able to show someone you care about without having or giving a controlling effect on the other is a fine balancing act but if both parties are comfortable with the give and take as well as the banter then it should never become a problem. It only becomes a problem if one becomes obsessed with their own inadequacies.
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Stedan: Being able to show someone you care about without having or giving a controlling effect on the other is a fine balancing act but if both parties are comfortable with the give and take as well as the banter then it should never become a problem. It only becomes a problem if one becomes obsessed with their own inadequacies.
At that point, jealousy is probably the least of the problems - although the most visible symptom.
The whole little adventure did at least get me looking at myself. I'll know next time what it feels like, be more sensitive to what I saw as harmless.
I'll still be possessive, I can't change my nature. But banter - good word - can be mistaken. And can cross the comfort line ...
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When jealousy gets to the point of interfering with the harmony of a relationship then it is time to move on.
There is positive jealousy and non positive jealousy.
There is positive jealousy and non positive jealousy.
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Defining comfort lines or setting boundaries are usually the way forward when starting a new relationship and not let them build up naturally as this tends to make the other uncomfortable.
Being totally honest and upfront with a new partner should be the best way, if one can talk through any little niggles they may feel intrudes upon themselves should be brought out into the open the more it lurks in the darkness the bigger it grows.
Being totally honest and upfront with a new partner should be the best way, if one can talk through any little niggles they may feel intrudes upon themselves should be brought out into the open the more it lurks in the darkness the bigger it grows.
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Stedan: Defining comfort lines or setting boundaries are usually the way forward when starting a new relationship and not let them build up naturally as this tends to make the other uncomfortable.
Being totally honest and upfront with a new partner should be the best way, if one can talk through any little niggles they may feel intrudes upon themselves should be brought out into the open the more it lurks in the darkness the bigger it grows.
Being totally honest and upfront with a new partner should be the best way, if one can talk through any little niggles they may feel intrudes upon themselves should be brought out into the open the more it lurks in the darkness the bigger it grows.
Very true. Talking is pretty much the key to healthy relationships anyway. Anything that festers grows out of perspective ...
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This topic gets handled here much like the topic of liars.
Most people will just provide the P.C. "all jealousy is bad, any sign of jealousy leave....blah blah blah...." It's another one of the "right" dating quiz answers that any sensible 15 year can go deeper than.
Most people giving that answer just want to distance themselves from being labelled, think they're putting some type of warning out into the world that's going to ward off all those evil jealous people, or want to stomp their way through life like emotional bulls in a china shop unfettered by the physics of relationships blaming the dishes for breaking as they hit the floor.
In reality, it's a judgement call.
Appropriate jealously lies somewhere between getting mad your partner smiled at the waitstaff, and not appreciating your partner sleeping naked with their "friend" Alex every other Thursday.
Most people will just provide the P.C. "all jealousy is bad, any sign of jealousy leave....blah blah blah...." It's another one of the "right" dating quiz answers that any sensible 15 year can go deeper than.
Most people giving that answer just want to distance themselves from being labelled, think they're putting some type of warning out into the world that's going to ward off all those evil jealous people, or want to stomp their way through life like emotional bulls in a china shop unfettered by the physics of relationships blaming the dishes for breaking as they hit the floor.
In reality, it's a judgement call.
Appropriate jealously lies somewhere between getting mad your partner smiled at the waitstaff, and not appreciating your partner sleeping naked with their "friend" Alex every other Thursday.
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Created: Aug 2015
Last Viewed: Apr 16
Last Commented: Aug 2015
Last Voted: Jul 2017
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- Which Of These Is Your Favorite Breakfast
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How much jealousy is too much?(Vote Below)
Where does possessiveness cross the line? I'm suddenly much more interested in the subject than I ever was before!