tommyZ7: you sound to needy man! you say to much,slack off on the info! make them want to know more that way they interact with you.
Cheers for the feed back man, I've gone through it again and trimmed it down quite a bit now.
I gathered sort of the same idea from the other post as well, Thank you Ladies for the very nice comments, but you's can be blunt with me I wont mind as I'm very open minded and take constructive criticism well.
Please let me know if keeping it to two paragraphs makes it a bit more appealing.