Do You Give Others Credit for Your Feelings?

It's not unusual to imagine your feelings stem from somewhere outside of you. When you are angry or sad, you may seek someone to blame, misunderstanding the cause of your anxiety. No one is so powerful that they can create your emotions; you generate them personally. However, people aren't taught about the origin of feelings; they look for culprits, people who magically transform their mood. More precisely, they assume the behavior of others determines how they feel.

Why giving others credit lowers confidence

Blaming people is comforting at times but reduces your sense of self-worth. When you think you have no control over your emotions, your happiness falls into the hands of others. Since you have no say about whether you're sad or joyful, you hope people please you and are kind. If they treat you poorly, you are depressed and have no way out until someone helps you. Realize YOU make your emotions, though, and YOU can take control.

How you might give your power away

When you're irritable or unhappy, do you look for someone to blame? If so, you may feel justified, since people's actions can trigger your discomfort. They may behave in ways you find difficult to manage, and negative emotions arise from your unease. Nonetheless, your feelings stem from your beliefs and what you tell yourself about the situation. Imagine a different story and your feelings will alter.

For instance, if a driver bumps your car, you can spin a negative tale or a constructive one. You can tell yourself you are at the mercy of the situation and the driver's made you angry. Alternatively, you can stay calm, remembering you have a choice about whether you fly into a rage or develop a peaceful attitude.

Knowing YOU decide, instead of being controlled by the behavior of others makes you strong. Being in charge of your response means you cope with challenges and are not helpless - It's like driving your car, or waiting for someone else to take the wheel. When you assume responsibility for your feelings, you decide on your destination.