4 Weak Boundaries That Are Making You A Doormat

Having weak boundaries isn't good for your life. It means you can more easily be taken advantage of than someone with strong boundaries who knows when and how to draw the line. Here are four weak boundary examples that might be leaving you open to becoming a doormat.

1. You allow people to ignore you

When you text a friend to say hi and ask how they're doing, you expect that a good friend will care about how you're doing as well. Unfortunately not all friends do care. Some people are only interested in talking about themselves. When it's time to talk about you, suddenly they're busy or it reminds them of something that happened to them. Now the focus is back on them. Just because someone asks how you are, doesn't mean they actually care. Some people use it as an opening to start a conversation so they can tell you their own stories. Notice if you can actually have a conversation about you that goes on for more than one text. If the conversation is always focused on your friend, this is an unbalanced friendship that is making you a doormat.

2. Your feelings are invalidated

If a friend or romantic partner does something to upset you and you mention it to them, and they blow it off saying you're too sensitive or they only meant it as a joke. Your feelings should never be blown off as something that doesn't matter. Someone who cares about you will want to know why you're upset and what they can do to remedy the situation. If someone tells you enough that your feelings are wrong, you will start to believe them and begin questioning yourself. The same applies if someone attempts to tell you how you feel. They might accuse you of being jealous when you say you're feeling disrespected. This is not healthy in any type of relationship.

3. Your time isn't respected

If a friend, family member, or someone you're dating assumes you have nothing important to do with your time that you can be at their beck and call, your time isn't being respected. If you work from home, people might assume you can take breaks any time and expect you to drop everything when they are free or need a favor. If you feel guilty saying no, you have to ask yourself if you would go to someone's job and expect them to stop what they are doing to keep you company. Of course you wouldn't. Your work should be respected whether you work for yourself or someone else. This doesn't mean you should never be flexible, but you should never feel pressured to drop what you're doing to make someone else happy. If you're not comfortable saying "no," you have weak boundaries. This will make you a doormat for others.

4. You give too many chances

If you give someone chance after chance and they continue doing the same thing, you have weak boundaries. You might not want to give up on someone, but how many times can you go through the same thing? Just because someone says "sorry" doesn't mean they are sorry. When someone is sorry, they change the behavior that hurt you. If someone lies to you and you decide to give them a second chance, but they lie to you again, giving them a third chance means you need to strengthen your boundaries and work on your self-respect. If someone knows they can treat you badly, but you'll continue to hang out with them, they will see you as a doormat and act as they always have.

When you have weak boundaries, you open yourself up to being treated badly. You can be a nice person who also has self-respect. Being nice doesn't mean allowing people to walk all over you.