What to Do When You've Been Stood Up

What to Do When Youve Been Stood Up

It's time for your date and you're waiting for the person to arrive. Minutes pass, but there's no sign of him or her. As time drags on, it becomes clear that your date is not going to show. You've been stood up. What should you do?

First, breathe. There's no need to leap immediately to the most hurtful conclusions. There's a chance the person got lost, remembered the wrong time and date for your meet-up, or had to attend to an emergency. Worst still, your date may have been involved in an accident. There are plenty of reasons people aren't able to get to the right place at the right time. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If you don't, you might prematurely work yourself up, which could be a problem if your date arrives late. He or she would then be faced with someone who is visibly anxious, which doesn't set a good tone for a romantic outing.

If it has been about ten minutes and your date hasn't shown up yet, try to get in touch. Call him or her, or shoot over a quick text. Again, don't automatically assume the person is purposefully avoiding you. If you make that assumption, your tone will likely come across a little hostile or apprehensive. That could reflect poorly on you if your date had a perfectly legitimate reason for not being there. Stick to a brief, neutral reminder about when and where you agreed to meet.

What if no one shows and you don't get a call or text, either? That depends on how invested you are in the relationship and how frequently you see the person in your everyday life. If you are convinced you had a great vibe with the person and you're completely confused about why you were stood up, try to get in touch one more time. Just like before, keep the tone neutral and non-accusatory. If you get no response to the second effort at contact, it's probably best to stop reaching out.

However, if you're not tremendously invested in the relationship, it's best to let it go. This is easy if you never usually see each other. You can simply stop putting forth the effort to communicate. It gets a bit trickier, though, if you cross paths quite a bit in your daily lives. You shouldn't have to completely dodge what happened when you see the person again. After all, he or she put you in an awkward position, not the other way around. If you do want to address the issue, the best approach is probably lukewarm civility. Let the person know you're aware of what happened, and you can convey that you don't intend to make further plans, but don't get nasty. That could lead to unnecessary social tension.

It's never a good feeling to be stood up. Unfortunately, there's little you can do to stop it from happening. Your response, though, can be nothing but calm and dignified. There's no need to let someone who can't keep plans get under your skin. Take the high road when you're faced with someone who bails on plans, and seek out the company of people who are keen to spend time with you instead.

Comments (1)

I've been stood up more times than I care to count, and the reason is usually they just didn't want to show up and it was just a game to them. I've tried to contact them after the date was supposed to happen and just been ghosted! If there's no real intent to show up to the date, then don't talk to the other person at all on the dating site. It could cause the person you let down a lot of pain when their intentions were pure.

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