The Upside of Living Alone
Rookies in the art of living alone sometimes wonder how they will ever adjust to this strange new status, especially if it came about involuntarily and they're nursing a broken heart. Although it might take some months or even a few years, they will eventually discover a few plusses. Here are some bonuses experienced aloners have discovered:
- Aloners never have remote control issues: They can keep it close by and switch TV channels at will. Closely tied to this benefit is the right to watch whatever they want to and the right to express joy, sadness and disgust at the behavior of characters in whatever manner they choose.
- Aloners can eat cake for breakfast and cold cereal for dinner without explanation or justification. The hardest part is deciding what wine goes with Cheerios.
- Aloners can wear torn sweatshirts with pink lacy pajama pants or plaid flannel shirts with crumpled Bart Simpson boxer shorts to bed. And not even care if they are coffee-stained or smell bad.
- Aloners don't have to bathe every day or even comb their hair if they plan to hang out at home all day. In fact, they can stay in the aforementioned bedclothes all day long so they're all ready to go back to bed. Whenever they want to.
- Aloners can have farting and belching contests with themselves freely and without recrimination.
- Aloners can go out at any time and even change plans at a moment's notice and not have to call anyone to say they will be later than expected. Or, God forbid, ask if it's OK.
- Aloners who have previously lived according to a schedule necessarily synchronized with another's might happily discover they don't have to pretend to be morning people and can, in fact, stay up most of the night if they want to, with the lights and stereo on.
- If aloners wake up grouchy and out-of-sorts they can stay that way all day if they want to, even indulge their bad moods with grumbling and cussing without feeling guilty or being accused of being an unreasonable and argumentative so-and-so.
- Aloners can spend long hours online, playing solitaire, conversing with new friends in chat rooms, shopping for window shades or researching the origins of Corinthian architecture, virtually uninterrupted, and at any time, day or night.
- Aloners can channel their inner Barry Manilow and belt out show tunes, dancing along in their socks and underwear. They can even use a hairbrush as a microphone and there's no one around to snicker or roll their eyes.
Now don't misunderstand: Even if they thought so, aloners would not try to persuade anyone their lives are an improvement over sweet togetherness. And, sure, there are also disadvantages to living alone. But that is a topic for another time. This time they'll just say that they've discovered lemons can make pretty good lemonade, or even a mean Tuesday afternoon margarita.