The Importance of Listening in Relationships

The Importance of Listening in Relationships

Couples often have difficulty in their relationships because they don't listen effectively. One or both partners may spend too much time talking and not enough time listening. It is important to express your feelings verbally, but it is equally important to listen. Couples also need to be able to listen effectively. What does it mean to listen effectively? Effective listening is listening completely and compassionately. People listen, but sometimes they only hear what they want to hear. This is referred to as selective hearing. People tone out what they don't want to hear.

Couples need to listen to each other thoroughly. It is important to listen to the messages behind the words. People don't always say what they mean. There are people who have difficulty expressing themselves verbally. It may be difficult for a partner to say exactly how he feels even to the person or people closest to him. Listen to more than just the words when you listen. It is important to observe your partner's body language and listen to the tone of his voice.

Wait for the right time if you want to have a heart to heart talk with your partner. Don't call him at work to discuss a disagreement you had the previous day. Your partner won't be able to listen effectively and calling him at work may cause another agreement. Do not follow your partner around the house trying to talk to him while he is doing chores. Tell him you need to talk to him then do so at the appropriate moment when you can talk and listen without distractions.

If your spouse never wants to talk to you then there must be a reason. You need to ask him openly and honestly why he avoids conversations with you. Lack of conversation may be a signal that you should do some soul searching. How do you talk to your partner? What is your tone of voice like? Listen carefully to the words you use and how you say them. A person may not feel comfortable talking to his partner because the partner speaks to him in a condescending manner. She may put him down or respond in negative ways. Perhaps every time the couple has a conversation, it turns into an argument. The partner may come to the conclusion that the best way to avoid an argument or negative responses is to not communicate at all.

A person's body language can also provide signals about his feelings and whether he is listening effectively. If your partner is rolling his eyes or has his arms crossed tightly against his chest there is a good chance that is not listening completely or is not interested in what you are saying. The first step is to determine why your partner is not interested in talking to you. You might start by asking him honestly and be willing to listen to his reply. If you want an honest answer you have to be willing to accept the fact that the answer might not be pleasant.

It is important to listen carefully to what you say and how you say it. Some people are offended by remarks that leave the speaker confused over what angered them. The speaker may not think that he said anything wrong or offensive. Perhaps, it is not what he said but how he said it. A person's tone of voice can often be interpreted as being curt or rude even if the words spoken were not meant in a harsh manner. In many cases, the speaker may not even realize that his tone was interpreted as rude. Take notice of how you sound when speaking to people. If you want your partner and others to listen to you it is important that you listen to them with full attention and true interest. It is also important to speak to people in a manner that is not condescending; otherwise they may not want to talk to you at all.

A conversation is an activity in which more than one person participates. It is easy to become accustomed to barking commands at others rather than engaging in conversation. At times, people can become so eager to express their feelings that they forget to listen. It takes time to be an effective listener. Start by listening to yourself and others. Slow down, sit back and really listen. Do not interrupt until the person is done talking. You will have plenty of time to express your opinion. Think about what has been said before you respond. Your partner and other people will appreciate that you let them finish speaking and put forth an effort to really listen and understand.

Comments (2)

Talk, Listen, Digest & Feedback. TLDF: The basic keys.

Talk: The person talks.
Listen: You listen.
Digest: You understand the message.
Feedback: Your positive reaction to the message.

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WhyNotAgain4love
One or both partners may spend too much time talking and not enough time listening. It is important to express your feelings verbally, but it is equally important to listen.

I thank the staff for posting this article.

It is the root cause of many failed relationships, including infidelity. Not listening to one's partner and understanding the message can lead to many problems in a relationship. It is very important also to find the time to listen to the other partner's concern and understand it. Don't say, "I don't have the time now.' Create the time for him or her.

And when you talk, talk and don't babble, give the other partner a chance to offer a feedback. And wait for the other partner to finish. Not only is it respectful, it gives you a chance to understand the message being conveyed.

Talk, Listen, Digest & Feedback. TLDF: The basic keys.

Talk: The person talks.
Listen: You listen.
Digest: You understand the message.
Feedback: Your positive reaction to the message.

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