Moving In Together Without Falling Out of Love

Moving In Together Without Falling Out of Love

Everything is progressing nicely, and you're on to your nth date. You spend wonderful romantic weekends away together, the sex is amazing, and you've met each others' friends and family. Then one morning, probably after a fantastic night out and over a delicious fry up of a breakfast, out pops the inevitable question.

"Should we move in together?"

Cohabitation is the next natural step in a steady relationship, usually following or followed by marriage. However living with your partner is very different from just being with someone. Suddenly you are not just lovers – you are also roommates and all sorts of details that you never used to pay attention to become overwhelming unbearable.

Space Hog

He will wonder what the practical function of candles, throws and cushions are. She will bemoan the inadequate closet space and run out of room to place her cosmetics in the vanity. Sharing physical space is one of the hardest challenges for couples to overcome when they first move in together. If the shared home is small, this becomes even more of an issue. As the flotsam and jetsam of two lives merge and mesh in one too-small house, tensions can arise.

The Solution:

Don't sweat the small stuff. Discuss your needs regarding space with your partner and work together to achieve a compromise. You don't need two kettles, irons or saucepan sets, so decide together which extras to give away, throw out or store. Be understanding of his request to retain his treasured sports paraphernalia, and he'll likely be amenable to the vast size of your shoe collection. Share the space, don't hog it.

Tuning Out

It's true, familiarity does breed contempt. When you are living with someone and spending time in the same rooms with them constantly, it can be easy to take your relationship for granted. Paradoxically, many couples start to grow apart just after they move in together. Relationships need to be nurtured and given sufficient attention. Moving in together shouldn't mean tuning out to each other's needs.

The Solution:

Embrace the romance and spontaneity that marked the early days of the relationship. Make a conscious effort to remember that there is more to your relationship than laundry, washing up, and whose turn it is to take the garbage out. There was a good reason for moving in together – your love for each other. Don't let living together smother the joy of being together.

Closet Control Freak

Unbeknownst to you, your man secretly spends his free weekend hours organising his wardrobe, first by colour, then by cut. He turns into a control freak in the kitchen, wielding the saucepan menacingly if you don't crack open eggs the right way – that is, his way. The problem is that most people get used to living on their own and they get used to doing whatever they want, whenever they want. This won't work if there are two people in one household insisting on only doing things a certain way.

The Solution:

Give each other space and accept one another's idiosyncrasies. So what if he won't make the bed with hospital corners the way that you're used to? Does it really make a difference to your relationship whether or not you iron counter clockwise or clockwise? Take a step back and reassess what is really important to you and your partner. Relinquish your ideas of how things 'must be done'. Accept that there are many 'right' ways to do a thing. And remember, our differences are what make each of us unique and keeps life interesting.

Comments (4)

I think if there is no children involved, like when you reach my age, having a monogamous relationship with someone you really care about, each partner living in their own place is the ideal.
Newsweek did a 10 year study on those that live togehter; 93% of those that live together are broken up within 5 years.

Almost always it's due to least one person not being serious and wanting a quick out.

Living together is all about temporary convenience; saves money due to splitting bills, convenient sex and companionship, but it's not real.
after 2 years of a very happy never fighting relationship I moved into my boyfriends 500 square meter house, we split up 2 months after.....we are now back together but each in his own house.....things are just not the same after you move in together...
There was a good reason for moving in together – your love for each other. Don’t let living together smother the joy of being together.
heart beating heart beating heart beating heart beating

I had that experience .

All of you out there that are almost on that step of your relationship, remember to keep that romance alive.


cheers conversing hug handshake comfort

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