Does Your Partner Treat You Like a Child?
A relationship is supposed to be equally balanced between two adults but in some cases, it can be more like a parent disciplining a child. A female partner may end up nurturing her man so much that she begins to act more like a mother than a lover. Men may also fall into the parental role, behaving more like a domineering patriarch. It is important to remember your role in a relationship otherwise your partner will become frustrated and resent being treated like a child.
Parental behavior generally occurs in relationships where one partner is quite a bit older than the other; however this is not always the case. The parental role in relationships can take on different forms. A female that assumes the mother role may coddle her partner excessively. She may cut his food when she serves dinner, bandage a cut, pick out his clothes and otherwise treat him as if he were her child. She may display such behavior in public, which may embarrass or anger her partner.
A male partner that assumes the father role may instruct his female partner in domestic chores, chastise her if they aren't done correctly and be demanding in a strict tone of voice, as if talking to a child about bad behavior. He may point out everything she does wrong and feel the need to teach her how to do things correctly. The roles may sometimes be reversed, with the female being the disciplinarian and the male being the over-protective coddler.
There are several reasons why a person may assume a parental role in a relationship. An individual that has already raised children may find it difficult to let go of the parental role. Older siblings that have helped raise young brothers or sisters may also assume the parental role in relationships, often not even realizing that they are behaving in such a manner. People in professions that demand an authoritarian presence such as the military or police officers may develop the disciplinarian parental role. Nurses and caregivers may practice a more caring motherly role. Parental behavior in relationships may also stem from over-protectiveness or strict disciplinarian behavior in their childhood upbringing. Lack of parental presence during childhood may also attribute to their behavior as adults.
It is necessary to find out why the partner feels the need to act as a parental figure. Talk to your partner about your feelings. Be open and honest. Tell him that he is acting like your parent and you are unhappy with his behavior. He may not even realize that he is treating you like a child and will not change his behavior unless you make him aware of his actions. Let your partner know that you appreciate his caring, protective ways and advice but that you feel he doesn't have confidence in you and your abilities. If you are younger than your partner, remind him that you are an adult even though you are young.
If the partner is a female, smothering you with motherly love, let her know that you appreciate her efforts. Tell her that you understand her compassionate demeanor but tell her honestly that her behavior is a bit too much and that it makes you feel inept. Remind her that you are perfectly capable of doing things for yourself and that she doesn't have to cater to your needs. Remind her that she is a beauty, sexy woman and you love her.
Express your feelings to your partner in an honest but positive way. Let her know that you will no longer tolerate being treated like a child. Tell your partner that you would like your relationship to be a practice in mutual trust and respect. You both have your own strengths and weaknesses that help balance your relationship. Building a strong relationship is a process of understanding and acceptance.