Supporting a Friend Who Is Grieving

If you are close to someone who is going through a grieving process, it can be hard to know what to say or do – or even whether you should say or do anything at all. It's easy to feel confused and helpless in such a situation. But oftentimes it's not a matter of having the right words or making the right gestures, but rather just caring for our friends who are suffering – and letting them know that we're there for them – that makes a difference. Supporting a friend who is grieving really just requires you to be yourself and be emotionally available.

Remaining available can be challenging at times, though. Grief can make people erratic and prone to mood swings, and sometimes we may find ourselves on the receiving end of anger that wasn't really intended for us. If you've dealt with loss in your own life then that experience can help you to understand the different stages of healing that your friend may be going through. Be as patient as possible, and remind yourself that the strange behaviors you may be witnessing are just the result of grief. Your friend will feel your commitment to hanging in there even when it's a rocky road, and will most likely accept this as a gift of love.

One of the best things you can do is listen. People who are grieving often need to talk it through – perhaps again and again – in order to process what's happened as well as their feelings about it. You don't have to have the answer to their distress, or to be able to see the silver lining or even cheer them up in any way. Just keeping an open ear can make a big difference. Active listening can also mean not reacting when and if you friend's anger boils over. Remember that it will pass, and that it really isn't about you anyway. It's about the wound of loss.

Oftentimes when we're faced with someone who has endured a grievous loss we really don't know what he or she needs. We can compare our own suffering to that of others, but we really can't put ourselves in their shoes. All we can do is ask if there's anything that they need from us. Some may be able to answer and some may not. But either way, they'll most likely benefit from the attention – and from knowing that there's at least one soul out there that's sympathetic to them.

If you give a friend the opportunity to share with you how scary, painful, and confusing his or her experience with grief has been then you are helping with that person's healing process. You can be a part of the solution without providing any answers or even understanding exactly what the person is going through. Just by being there – open, receptive, and patient – you can make a difference.