It's a question that can haunt a person, guilt a person, intimidate and frighten one out of their wits. Everyone has an opinion about this, especially your parents, your church, friends, teachers, and your doctors. Politicians, advertisers, and the media expound and manipulate the issue. And, most specifically, your date will try to strongly influence you! Ironically, with all this input it is one topic that few are comfortable talking about. Oh it's easy to brag to friends in locker rooms, but we all know what is spoken between the athletic field and the showers is rarely the truth.
But there is one concrete truth...sex on the first date is simply a mistake. The cliché about the cow and the milk is so well known because it's true. As a basic generalization, men put sex on the same plane with breathing and eating. Women, tie it all up with emotion. Sex on a first date fulfills only one person's need, therefore immediately creating a feeling of imbalance. In general, women need the emotional connection to truly enjoy the act of sex; men nurture the building of that emotional connection in order to get sex. It's actually a brilliant circle that is self-sustaining and encourages a relationship to grow. On a first date, neither party can be sure they even want a relationship. Rushing into the physical immediately tangles up the circumstances and the very basic reason of "dating" i.e., to see if you even really like the other person, is removed. You've already jumped into the deep end without learning to swim.
Many people are uncomfortable discussing sex with anyone, most certainly someone they've just met. So why have sex with a person you are too uncomfortable to TALK about sex with? In this day and age the safest way to begin a physical relationship is with a blood test and physical exam. Yet, because talk of sex is much more taboo than the act of sex, many people end up getting hurt even though they know better.
Of course, only the people in question can determine when the time is right for them based on many variables. However, if this was advice I was giving my own child, I would want them only to be with someone they knew well, who they loved, and who they trusted. If you can't openly and safely discuss sex with someone, you have no business engaging in sex with them. That's my basic guideline... then add in your cultural, religious, moral and ethical beliefs. Don't worry if he or she will respect you in the morning. Make choices that allow YOU to respect YOURSELF in the morning. That is the most important thing.
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