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Should we 'do it' on the first date?

Should we do it on the first date

It's a question that can haunt a person, guilt a person, intimidate and frighten one out of their wits. Everyone has an opinion about this, especially your parents, your church, friends, teachers, and your doctors. Politicians, advertisers, and the media expound and manipulate the issue. And, most specifically, your date will try to strongly influence you! Ironically, with all this input it is one topic that few are comfortable talking about. Oh it's easy to brag to friends in locker rooms, but we all know what is spoken between the athletic field and the showers is rarely the truth.

But there is one concrete truth...sex on the first date is simply a mistake. The cliché about the cow and the milk is so well known because it's true. As a basic generalization, men put sex on the same plane with breathing and eating. Women, tie it all up with emotion. Sex on a first date fulfills only one person's need, therefore immediately creating a feeling of imbalance. In general, women need the emotional connection to truly enjoy the act of sex; men nurture the building of that emotional connection in order to get sex. It's actually a brilliant circle that is self-sustaining and encourages a relationship to grow. On a first date, neither party can be sure they even want a relationship. Rushing into the physical immediately tangles up the circumstances and the very basic reason of "dating" i.e., to see if you even really like the other person, is removed. You've already jumped into the deep end without learning to swim.

Many people are uncomfortable discussing sex with anyone, most certainly someone they've just met. So why have sex with a person you are too uncomfortable to TALK about sex with? In this day and age the safest way to begin a physical relationship is with a blood test and physical exam. Yet, because talk of sex is much more taboo than the act of sex, many people end up getting hurt even though they know better.

Of course, only the people in question can determine when the time is right for them based on many variables. However, if this was advice I was giving my own child, I would want them only to be with someone they knew well, who they loved, and who they trusted. If you can't openly and safely discuss sex with someone, you have no business engaging in sex with them. That's my basic guideline... then add in your cultural, religious, moral and ethical beliefs. Don't worry if he or she will respect you in the morning. Make choices that allow YOU to respect YOURSELF in the morning. That is the most important thing.

Comments (53)

daears
If ya can't bootie call on first date Now days..


You will forever be without bootie crying
How come a deserving person has to climb over a fence before even viewing booties
Old school actual values are dying.
I'm so glad I've produced no children on this stupid self centered planet dunno
What the frig is your rhelm dunno
Zaratin
I did it few times on the first date
No regret !!!
2828sun
cheers listen 6 bottles of stella artois beer , women get better looking every minute ,if they want your jump your bones you would not say no doh all this tosh about if men had woman,s bodies and women had men's bodies very mad at the end of the day if you have a laugh and both fancy a shag so what ,life is to short to be worrying about the next morning ,you might still be humpingcomfort
hi every1,being above 50 and single my attitude is, the more you know some 1, the emotions are more intensified which means more understanding and time you give your lover. i had 1 night stands when i was younger like most folk but the pleasure was physical not mentally rewarding, it all depends what u are searching for passion or sex
ray
Bohemund
Generally a bad idea. Studies have shown a huge increase in STDs in American, college-aged women to the point that about one in four young White females have a serious STD (such as Herpes, Hepatitis, etc.. ) whereas only a short decade or so past, the average rate of STD infection in the US military stood at about 2.5%.

Getting back to the present day, for non-White females. the rates of infection are higher still, for Hispanics, and for Black females in this age cohort, in some studies the infection rate exceeded 50%.

Bottom line, get to know who you are going to sleep with, and if you are going to go to bed right away, it's best you exchange recent clinical results with your pleasantries.

There are of course, the old-fashioned and common-sensed reasons to avoid the Zipless / 1NS / NSA type of encounter. In some instances, missing women have been found (or, I should say, their bodies have been found), after having last been seen on their way to a first date.

So. Be careful out there.

All that being said, I have had the good fortune to have had two LTRs which began from the very beginning. I would say that is rare and we were both lucky (well, I did present my clinical results and so did she).

It can happen, but for safety and biological reasons, ill-advised. Then there's is the idea of self-worth and morality. Those old-fashioned notions evolved over time for good reasons.
wanderinglonely
Maybe I could change my mind Hampton. x
Hampton69ers
im proud woman and a lesbian ive always managed making love at first meetings
professor teddybear
wanderinglonely
I think if you had sex on the first date it would only go downhill from there. I love desire and would want my man to build that desire. Of course you can still make love on the second date lol.
Stacie32xxx
I'm single mature i would be happy too have no issues with my life being openly s*xual with people who want it would love to find a lesbian girlfriend on here lips
LaFonda
No way...

I need that medical record.
Bobby_Ju575
dykes failed women they are man haters they are bigoted and vile
They are mentally ill period
Magic_B
dude fr
Sheliamuffins
Morning everyone I've always wanted to it on the first day when i meet someone it's normal to be intimate with everyone lips
Tropiclvr
Depends on the chemistry. If the heat and passion is mutual, why deny yourself the moment that may never happen again. Then, sometimes it is better to let the desire build, again, depends on the chemistry.
Just an opinion, not that I have any experience of getting lucky on the first date, that only happens for studs.
TY_Anon
I would say no,, not if you are looking for a lont term relationship, I think the word I'm looking for is Respect.
Maybe I'm just too old school.
sebastianz666
go with the flow :) grown-ups on both sides here....
BBBlair
I think it's a "moment" not a "queation"banana
Kenneth2628
I've had intimate friends on first date it's not immoral or evil
daears
Friggin oath you should. If the giggy feeling c*m. Just let it flow. You may never see it again dunno
herocksu
Ok, so say we really like each other and its sparky on both of us, and we have a really great date but don't "do it" on the date. Getting home after a great date and kind of missing ya just a little.....say well, I missin our date even more, ok say all alone missin my new true you and I break,, and I just get on it and get it done. Now I'm not going o brag about it in the locker room with my homies, unless I really rocked my world then, well ya got tell, can I get some moral feed back on that. I think it would be weird if she didn't do a little missing our date and get it done too, and I wasn't as good for her as I was for me! Not that some like this could happen, but don't leave a lot to discover on the second date.......
MooMooo
Too many words for such a simple matter. The OP also continues this falacy of showing that women don't like sex as much as men which is simply false. "It creates and imbalance" and all this nonsense, The imbalance is self-created and in your head. (Not an ad-hominem attack).

It's pleasure for both but when you start overthinking you create stories and problems, all of which are illusions.
Simmonskiss
This article is intriguing. Firstly, on the subject of Women. Women know the first time on a date if they want or chose to sleep with THAT person, intially. There has to be chemistry and attraction. Despite what anyone claims. Aesthetics play into the equation.banana
Benboy61
David Beckham.......!!! Oh please dont lower yourself.... He talks like a ' Twat '..... You must love ' Twat '...???
Jada_Bella
No men like a challenge in my opinion
I would never give the cookie up that fast
Trust me they will have to jump through hoops of fire to get this and prove to me they are serious and not just using me as a relief session unless he is David Beckham and i totally wanted too even then he wouldnt get it that easily ..Other than that to each his own.. i guess whatever choice a person make with their body is up to them no judgementteddybear
SweetnFunnyChic
Well everyone is different so its up to both of them. For me hell no!
Absolute f*cking idiot that wrote this piece of crap, you live in the 19th century, women are almost demanding sex these days on the first date, as long as you skin up, who are you hurting, or are you just another moral snowflake or another dyke feminist ?
Mikey611
Absolutely agree with you on this. I did not 'do it' on my first date or my second but waited until we were married which was several months later. Was it worth the wait? Definitely!
Jada_Bella
I dont care personally what century it is
I would never sleep with a guy on the first date all it does is send the wrong message is that your easy
Plus there are std's out there why have s3x with someone you dont even know well..its trashyscold
MarcoTerani
21st century living has become a nanny state driven by opinions.

The majority of opinions are unscientific and inaccurate.

There are many reliable scientific resources on sexuality.

Humans are DNA genetically programmed for reproduction.

Being rational will not stop having sex.

If the hormones are active, sex will occur.

With all the STI's, STD's in circulation carry condoms as insurance.
Bristol4You
I had to laugh, the article does not make any mention of what lesbians and gay guys should, or should not do, if they like each other. This is where the male vs female argument falls flat on its face.

It's like inviting a transgender individual to spend the day on a naturist beach.

I have had females pulling my boxer shorts down on a first date, and I have had females taking deep offence when I have made it plain that I am not going to have sex with them on a first date. We are all human, and most people do not live their lives by someone else's rules. We don't need to do that, so why restrict what we do because someone else might not approve.

As for "parents, your church, friends, teachers, and your doctors. Politicians, advertisers, and the media" ..why on earth would you tell all of these people and organisations the intimate details of your sex life??
HuggerMan4U
Absolutely brilliant article, CS! Right on! It's always better to get to know someone thoroughly before engaging in extra-curricular activity.
Zimboo
No is my answer. The next morning u will be asking yourself many questions and was i protected. Some people stay together and marry. Others never speak again. A one night stand is not the beginning of a relationship.

LEARN TO RESPECT EACH OTHER FIRST.
Chris2127
Its all about comfort. If both of you want to then why not.
zandaar
Maybe I am not "normal" But sex on a first date would frighten the hell out of me. I know that for sex to be good I have to feel comfortable with a person. Know that we both can relax and enjoy the moment rather than end the date by mentally "giving each other a score out of ten"

There is also the serious position of trust, particulary for women. Would you seriously want to go somewhere private with a guy thats a relative stranger. As a guy would I want to take you there.

Teenagers have sex. According to things we read. lots of it. But teenage pregnancies are also high. Is this because they are physically able to but, are too shy to discuss contraception? Also do they go to dark places because they are too shy to see each other undressed?

As adults I think the argument still stands. If we can't discuss sex openly, discuss contraception, or undress in front off each other, then, No. Not on a first date.
joyaepace
Unless these people go to the first date to have sex! It seems that there are women who can enjoy casual sex just like men, but they are probably minority. It might be a thing of woman's hormonal make up - I have observed certain type of women to behave more men-like than usual. Then, there are married women whose family and sex life does not work, or newly divorced women not willing to take a risk of starting relationship as yet. But whether the latter types are happy with casual sex is a big question.

The scenario where a man and a woman on the first date know that they are meant for each other is rather fancy. It may happen, but it must be so rare, like a miracle. And if they both feel that to have sex is just the most natural thing to do, why should not they?

Usually it is not like that. We meet people and try to understand our feelings - do we like them, do they like us, what do we have in common? We need time to sort out our feelings, to make decisions whether they are good for us and whether there is a chance that this relationship will work. Rushing into having sex may distort our perspective and we can make wrong decisions.

Or we can see somebody and feel infatuated at instant. It is probably the worst scenario, because we don't see the object of our passion as he or she is, but rather as our inflamed imagination paints them. If only we could restrict ourselves and not get involved in sex right away! May be then after some time we would realize that this person is not any good for us and we for them. But more often than not people get involved and later pay high price, especially if the persons involved got married hastily. And if they did not get married, it is still not great - failed romances always hurt.

It is true that women generally need to get emotionally comfortable to relax and enjoy sex. You have to know and trust the man that he will not hurt you. But it is not all story. Women also want some control over sex. Men attempt to have all the control leaving women with none whether and when to have sex. That is a big mistake that often makes women to run away from the possible relationship. What would happen if men would not push? Well, women would try hard to seduce men, because they want sex just as badly if not more! But they want it in their own time and with the person they want. So, please guys, no pressure, it is not good for anyone. What is the point if a woman will have sex with you on the first date only because it is a 'custom' and she is afraid to be different, and not because she really wants you?
sprman
I say no..Ilike to get to know the person im going to have sex with.Whats the rush??Take your time ..One does have to becareful with what they do..You should be able to talk about sex without feeling uncomfortable if not dont have sex..I think many are in a rush just to do it ,sad you have to look at the big picture! Sprman
cwbruni
No,No,and Definitely not,trust me,it's better that way.
wise11b
This article has some merit, however...

1- defining s*xual roles in this day and age is borderline imposable. so many aggressive women and so many passive men make it imposable.

2- Men are not always the ones looking for 'quick physical relationships' many women want 'a good roll in the hay' as much as men.

Statements like 'women need the emotional connection to truly enjoy the act of sex' and 'So why have sex with a person you are too uncomfortable to TALK about sex with?' really make this whole article sound poorly structured and logically flawed.

Sex is an activity, made pleasant to encourage it's undertaking. Many people like doing things they will not TALK about to anyone, due to social preconceived notions. I for example am far more likely to discuss sex than my Dungeons and Dragons habit!


So, in conclusion, i think this article is completely bogus beyond the line where it says "only the people in question can determine when the time is right for them based on many variables" this is the only line that has any real value.
Asiaman40
No, we should never "do it" on the first date. It's just plain wrong.
lora2
I think that you are right.

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