FOR SALE; One Slightly Used Male

One slightly used, fully grown Male/ answers to the name Lucky or Joker.

He is Not a young Pup any more, but still has a few good tricks, left in him.

He has been House broken, knows when to go out, and will scratch at the door, for permission.

He has been taught many neat tricks, by two prior owners, : he can build shelves, wash windows, vacuum, change the oil, and other various household chores.

He also likes to play fetch (comes in handy for groceries)

He is well trained in communication; When at a Night club, just speak in a low, firm, forceful Tone, and his eyes will be glued to you, and . . . {ONLY} . . to you. . . for the rest of the Night.

Use the firm command; Heel, and he will be at your side, in any department store, carrying packages. (with tail wagging)

And if you ever get the sudden urge, to see him do BackFlips (sometimes multiple backflips) ; just casually leave your monthly credit card Bill, lying on the kitchen table.

When he's Good; He responds well, to a kind word, pat on the head, or even scratching his tummy.

When he's Bad; A good sharp, rap on the nose, with a rolled up newspaper, works wonders.

Feeding: Usually one Bowl of Gruel, left by the dinner table, when he gets off work, is sufficient.

BedTime: He sleeps comfortably at the foot of the bed, and has been taught not to tug at the covers.

Also at Bedtime: He has learned to sit up and Beg. But,. . can be commanded to roll over, and play Dead, (when necessary).

It's a good idea to keep a rolled up newspaper, handy at the nightstand, (just in case.)

Optional Item; Electric training collar available, variable voltage, from 2 to 15 amps/volts (non lethal, of course) . . . . .bet you wish had one of these, for your last relationship.

First Date; Coffee? . . . or, Maybe a walk in the park? (I won't chase cars, and promise not to sniff, french Poodles)(even if those French Bit*ches are in heat)

He is Very Loyal, and will offer unconditional Love, . . . . so . . .
Instead of For Sale, .. . . ..on second thought, . . . Free/ to Good Home, with loving Owner.(sounds better)

Basically, I'm just a nice, normal, decent kinda guy . . . . . looking for . . . . The Perfect (for me), Perky, Petite, Passionate, Pervasively Elusive, Princess of My Heart.

Good Luck, in meeting your Match, and may God Bless .. .