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37 Seinfeldisms

37 Seinfeldisms

"If I had a son, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer." - Kramer

"Nobody is sicker than me." - George

"It pains me to say this, but I may be getting too mature for details." - Jerry

"Toasting makes me uncomfortable. But toast I love. Never start the day without a good piece of toast. In fact, let's toast to toast." - George

"Yes, I admit I was speeding, but it was to save a man's life. A close friend. An innocent person who wanted nothing more out of life than to love, to be loved, and to be a banker." - Newman

"You know, a muffin can be very filling!" - Jerry

"The story is the foundation of all entertainment. You must have a good story otherwise it's just masturbation." - George

"I'm like ice, buddy. When I don't like you, you've got problems." - Kramer

"Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. That's a fantasy camp!" - George

"A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it, so it turned against you. Same thing happened to the Blob." - Jerry

"You want to know why you can't go in front first? I'll tell you why. Because it signals a breakdown in the social order. Chaos. It reduces us to jungle law." - Newman (on cutting in line)

"I'd rather be dating the blind. You know, you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her." - George

"I don't return fruit. Fruit is a gamble. I know that going in." - Jerry

"I can do six weeks standing on my head. I'm a sexual camel." George (on abstinence)

"What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?" - Jerry

"If I don't get this guy on a plane to Seattle and out of my life, I'm gonna kill him, and everyone who tries to stop me." - Elaine

"You don't understand. A garage... I can't even pull in there. It's like going to a prostitute. Why should I pay, when if I apply myself, maybe I could get it for free?" - George

"The apartment elevators are always slower than the offices, because you don't have to be home on time." - Jerry

"Cats run away all the time. You know, my aunt, she had a cat. Ran away. Showed up three years later. You never know. They've got things in their brains where they remember where they're from. Unless, of course, somebody else starts feeding him. See, that's what you've gotta worry about." - Kramer

"I'm not saying anything, I'm putting it in the vault, I'm locking the vault. It's a vault!" - Jerry

"Why can't I have a heart attack? I'm allowed." - George

"Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body." - Jerry

"Hawaii... The most sought-after postal route of them all. The air is so dewy-sweet you don't even have to lick the stamps." - Newman

"She doesn't deserve a baby shower. She deserves a baby monsoon." - George

"You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm." - George

"I don't like when a woman says, 'Make love to me', it's intimidating. The last time a woman said that to me, I wound up apologizing to her." - George

"I relate to George through you. We're more like friends-in-law." - Elaine

"I have tremendous respect for people who work with feet. I mean, to dedicate yourself to the foot... You're toiling in virtual anonymity." - George

"Why would I be insulted? I'm never insulted. You could call me baldy, dump soup on my head. Nothing insults me." - George

"Elaine, you always care who an ex-girlfriend dates. You don't want it to be someone you know, and you don't want it to be someone better than you. Now, even though the latter's obviously impossible, the former still applies." - Jerry

"They like to call it a set-up now. I guess the blind people don't like being associated with all those losers." - Jerry (on blind dates)

"I have never been anyone's type, but apparently, this Marisa Tomei loves funny, quirky, bald men." - George

"I don't think George has ever thought he's better than anybody." - Elaine

"When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy." - George

"Have you ever met a proctologist? They usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never. It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way... 'It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one.' " - Kramer

"See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them." - Jerry

"We were in the garage. You know how garages are. They're conducive to sex talk. It's a high testosterone area." - Jerry

Comments (3)

harry449
Was that the best show in the world everhead banger
jmc1919
thats gold jerry gold
newinsouth
You don't think she yada yada sex do you? - George

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