Women and Friendship: When friends lie

Have you ever been in a situation where a trusted friend lied to you? What is the best way to respond? First, it usually comes as a shock. You don't want to believe that your trusted chum actually fibbed. Sooner or later you realize that she did, and you feel hurt, upset, angry.

You don't want to start a row, but your friend's dishonesty is unacceptable to you. Should you confront her? It's up to you to decide if you should take her to task, but if you want to restore the relationship and begin to trust you friend again, you will have to get past this incident.

First, give your chum the benefit of the doubt and make sure she didn't say something inadvertently that was more mistake than falsehood. Once you have established that she outright lied, you should probably bring it to her attention if you hope to resolve the issue.

She may readily admit that she fibbed, or she may try to hide it or make excuses. Tell her in a matter of fact way that you cannot trust someone whom is less than honest. If she does not admit the truth and apologize, it might be best to reconsider the relationship.

However, make sure you also keep things in perspective. If it was "a little white lie" to avoid hurting your feelings or someone else's, don't blow it out of proportion. Simply explain to your friend that in the future you would prefer the truth, even if it were less than flattering. On the same note, if the fib was about something important, you have every right to demand the truth (that is as long as you have been wholly honest with your chum as well).

There are times when even good people lie. Knowing this does not make it smart any less, but knowing that even your closest friend is human and that she makes mistakes, should help you figure out the best way to deal with the situation. Setting the example by practising honest communication at all times, should help your friend see how important it is for her to be truthful with you.

If your friend fesses up and seeks your forgiveness, be gracious. Forgive her and drop the subject. This doesn't necessarily mean that you will forget the situation right away, or ever. In fact, you probably shouldn't forget completely. When someone lies we need to be careful about believing what they say. Remain friendly, but remain a bit guarded until you are sure you can trust the person again.

Again, do not forget that the way you communicate will set the example. Always do your best to be honest with the people you care for. They will respect you for it, and they will see that you will not tolerate anything less from them. All women, all people, deserve to be treated with respect and dealt with honestly, and you can help your friend learn this lesson sooner than later.