Letting Go of a Relationship Without Losing Your Mind
When a relationship ends, it can be one of the most distressing, heartbreaking, and emotionally paralyzing events in your life. Picking up the shattered pieces of your life and letting go of a relationship are not the easiest parts of the healing process either.
Setting up a strategy plan for letting go of a relationship will help ease the intensity of the pain and help you take back the power and control over your life.
The first step in letting go of a relationship is to accept the fact that the relationship is over. Focus on the enjoyment that the relationship brought you when you and your partner were together. If you are only recalling the dark side that led to the break-up, you are letting the past control you.
Whenever you lose someone that you have loved, you will grieve and mourn for them even if they are still alive. When designing your plan to let go of a relationship, be sure to include recruiting a support network. Reach out to your family, friends, a therapist or someone else you trust to offer you support.
Free yourself from all attachments tying you to your former partner. Schedule a time to give him or her back any clothing, personal items or prized possessions. It may have crossed your mind to keep these items or destroy them but that won't help you in your plan for letting go of a relationship. If there are financial attachments that you and your former partner share, work out an arrangement to settle these obligations and free yourself from them as well.
Another critical component of your plan for letting go of a relationship includes having firm commitment to setting boundaries and keeping them. Once the relationship has ended and you have chosen to move on, resist the temptation to have any contact with your former partner. To be truly successful with your plan of letting go of a relationship, avoid calling him or her, avoid dropping in where you might expect to see your former partner and refrain from sending gifts to his or her home or office. Learning to distance yourself will help you keep your self-respect.
Forgiving someone who once played games with your head and ripped your heart right out of your chest is a very difficult but necessary choice to make when letting go of a relationship. Forgiveness is something that you have to do for yourself while letting go of a relationship. It is a way of flushing the negative thoughts of your former partner's wrong-doing or hurtful feelings from your mind. Continuing to have these negative thoughts will only rob your goal to have energy and happiness.
While working on letting go of a relationship, it is crucial that you take some time to nurture yourself. This is the time to get involved with your hobbies, spend time with family or friends and get to know yourself. Spend some time concentrating on the positive things in your past relationships and you will be more likely to find happiness in your next relationship.
Comments (13)
Went through two marriages. One ended for unfaithfulness, second being not compatible.
Fell in love again after some years but he was not ready, my mistake.
Don't know if I will love again but I am open to the right person.
Letting go is a long process but as I see things; happy times bring a smile to my face not bitterness. You learn from your mistakes.
My concept of marriage is totally different now. It is not only the romance, its friendship, companionship, commitment, spiritual.
I know my Lord will put someone in my path and through his love within us will make it holy.
Accepting that it was over and forgiveness were the fomula that allow me to move on without carrying bitterness in my heart. I grieved and cried for months and promised myself never to be involved with anybody until I am fully healed from brokenness. To keep my sanity I kept myself busy. Busy means really no time to think much of my broken heart. So, I enroled on a full time study for a year while working full time. This means waking up at 5:30 in the morning and coming home at 12:00 midnight. On Saturday I worked as a volunteer on a charity so I have only Sunday to myself for church, study and housework. It was not easy but when you have determination to heal yourself and to move on, you will do whatever it takes - and that was what I did. I certainly concentrate on the positive side and not allow any negativity and self pity. I found some good friends at school and enjoyed my student life but they never knew what I was going through. I don't deny the pain but only talked to a really trusted friend. I also had a really good male friend who I go out to a movie when I can. When I said a friend this is just really a friend and no sleeping together. You can have male friend that will respect you if you respect yourself. I know my boundaries and did not let the loneliness and pain rule my head. Having a male friend did helped me in some way.
Everyone has different way of coping but one thing I can say is that never leave any idol moment when this happen. Always keep yourself busy. Find new hobby, learn new things and always sorround yourself with people but make sure they are positive people. Before you know, you are happy again and embracing your new life.
thanks
it would suite to cut thru all the bullshit, if one just asked themself one simple question, of themself...
do you love them, and want them to have what THEY want, MORE, than one want's what itself want's???
why should ONE want, be more important than another???
BUT, it has to, or all things become simply a return on investment, THE VERY ROOT of the ONLY bitter than can come from a relationship...
of course, men, are to put and make women and children FIRST, above their own want's, as women carry and bring all life, and children are unknowing yet...
without them, there is NOTHINGNESS, as no life would even be on the planet...
it serves any man his due justice, that only took and loved, to get back something for itself...
such is not love at all, and why the heartache from such cut's so deep, as such things no one really wants to see within itself, as surely it is seen, that all human's have the first natrual inclination, to defend itself, to prove how itself is always the most good posssible, which leaves many words telling of who and what self is left unheard, and cog in the wheel only spin's around itself, never hearing, or seeing, that the only care, the only love, is to wish to hear how self effect another, in all ways and cases, or the value of that one is compromised...
but these day's, courage, and valor, are things of the past, as the only courage, the only valor, is to love something more than for what and how it can make oneself feel good, and men are certainly duly indebted, to the universe and all other's, to learn such things first, so that a women actually has some knowing, some sight, some hearing, of something selfless, and what of children, whom have never seen what cared for them, beyond ther pride of ownership of the parent, if and when they do well...
what was once called and recognized as the only love at all...
just one cent
With me, its like a resurrection, a rebirth, a phoenix, a "new" person rising up out of the ashes of despair and heartache ready to face the world once again. Yeah, I use fire as a way of burning my past so my present and future will not choked down.
The one thing most people don't realize is that there maybe some one else outside of the relationship who may be putting thoughts and ideas into the other person's mind. Usually this done from within the family; for instance say a mother who does not like the person because of where he or she is from.
The best thing to do is rise up and keep on living. Hearts really don't break they bend.
Yes, acceptance that the relationship is over now will help but still, it takes time to heal that broken pieces of your heart...
In my case, i tried to forget and move on even though its hard, really hard most especially that i gave my all devotion in the relationship but he just didnt appreciate it and never satisfied. And instead of helping to make the relationship strong, he is fooling around to others and then come back to me and say, im sorry and i still love you....I have given him lots of chances and i forgave him many many times but still he said sorry today but do it again the next day...I guess, i have already enough of his lies and cheatings....I just hope, someday, i can find that real person who will love me and give his heart fully to me and not divided to others...Its really heart breaking but there is no choice here as i cant rely on his word anymore...Lies and Cheating come together at the same time...
My wife and I separated in Oct '08 but are good friends who still talk, and long may that continue. Neither of us would wish to be excluded from the lives of the other, or our children for that matter.
Separating was difficult, and we were both hurt, after twenty years it's never going to be easy. But we owed it to each other to make the process as painless as possible.
I know two relationships are never going to be alike and I don't advocate either staying together or keeping in contact if there's any abusive behaviour, but it can be made as painless as possible if both parties accept the fact that things have come to an end.
xx