“I AM SORRY MA…M”

These days, social networking sites have become a part and parcel of our lives. No one would have guessed a few years ago about today’s dependency of our lives on these sites which has caught almost all the celebrities to get attached to its realm. My morning starts almost daily now with a regular checkup of updates on my Facebook and Google accounts. I don’t know that how many of you have created a fake profile and enjoyed through it but, I really did once in my life and pledged not to do it again. The incidents which happened afterwards still make me feel sad and always want to say her “I AM SORRY MA…M “

It was really not the same 4 years ago, when I was in Delhi for preparation of competitive exams. Facebook and orkut were very new those days. These sites were then used for forming new friends irrespective of today, when it is mainly used for being in touch with our friends and relatives. I knew very little of social networking sites, girls and flirting when I entered Delhi, but a year’s stay in the city provided me a bachelor’s degree in all of them. The other factor that helped me in getting better in flirting through social networking sites was that like me, many others were new to the sites and, we considered too many friends and scraps as a matter of status, thus we helped each other to get that status and the task was very easily solved. After regularly interacting with my new friends on orkut, I was losing interest from orkut and wanted to move on. My addiction to orkut brought me back with a fresh mischievous idea of opening a fake yahoo account and creating a fake orkut profile to flirt with girls only. Thus, on 14 February 2007 shivamshankar was born and I made his orkut profile full of every quality which most of the girls’ dream of their boyfriends containing it. Shivamshankar was a 4th Year B.Tech student of NIT Warangal. I just changed his educational qualifications and made him 4 years older to me. I kept other qualities same so that I can add perfection to imaginary shivam to appear a real shivam to other people. Shivam started his tasks immediately and sent friend requests to almost 200 girls on the same day. Within a week, shivam was containing more than 80 female friends and few male friends including me in my original form. Everything was going as I had planned and till 28 February, I really enjoyed seeing my hero shivam flirting with almost all type of girls in the way I always wanted to do.

On 1st march, a new female friend entered shivam’s friend list that not only killed shivam but also changed my life forever. Amrita Bhurke, the Mumbai girl appeared to me like his many other female friends in the early stage of their friendship with shivam but, he was dealing with her in a totally different way and within a week of friendship, they were chatting late night on yahoo messenger prompting me to spend my time and money in cyber cafes, instead of books in that crucial time of my life for shivam’s new interest, who was driving him crazy. Amrita was pursuing bachelor’s degree in banking and insurance. Her father was an engineer and she belonged from an upper middle class family. She was a typical girlie gal kind of girl in the matter of chocolates, shopping and partying. In the early days of their chatting they both appeared to be enjoying their respective moments. I was not sure what was happening to shivam but he was getting attracted to her after chatting every day, and the following chats of early days:

a_6686: so wot do u see in ur dreams

a_6686: ???

shivamshankar: anything tht happens in day………….

shivamshankar: i mean something………..or daily life……….or with my freinds

shivamshankar: faltu(useless) things usually... ha ha ha

a_6686: n i see totally opposite things

a_6686: like all imaginary

shivamshankar: good………..

a_6686: i love that

shivamshankar: means u ur imaginative…………….hmmn

a_6686: m i boring u…….??

a_6686: ya i m

shivamshankar: no not at all

After, going through these early day chats I was really disturbed as I felt that the sweet amu (amrita) was also falling in love with shivam who really does not have any existence. Controlling shivam was on my hand but I was really confused in case of amrita and I did not stopped them in chatting hours and hours. shivam had created his own imaginary world in which amrita was getting trapped and it was really a matter of concern for me. They talked about films, actors, food, places ,hobbies and various recent topics of their daily life. They had their own opinions on each topic and they have even started to quarrel in some matters but were enjoying at their best and meanwhile I also started liking amrita.

a_6686: u hav started this chattin thing recently only na

shivamshankar: ya…………………

a_6686: matlab iske pehle u use to chat kya????

shivamshankar: ha thora bahut apne frnds se messenger pe

shivamshankar: but then i was more busy in my own buisness……….

shivamshankar: i want to gift u a n 91 ……………will u accept it

a_6686: if u really wanna gift me somthin then giv somthin which sweeet noce simple

a_6686: gift somthin that reflects ur feelings n not ur MONEY

shivamshankar: ok……………….if i gift u my heart to u will u accept it………..it is sweet and simple

a_6686: ha ha ver funny ha

shivamshankar: ha ha ha ………………..really it will be the best gift i can give u…………….

shivamshankar: my feelings towards u……………………

a_6686: ya aur kuch

shivamshankar: and ya i m very proud tht u r such a gorgeous lady for whom money does not matter and i liked it

shivamshankar: u r gr8

a_6686: thanks

a_6686: ek bat batoa

a_6686: batao

shivamshankar: bolo

a_6686: hav u lied to me about nythin

shivamshankar: no…………………….

a_6686: ok

a_6686: sure na

shivamshankar: never………….

shivamshankar: ya

a_6686: ok

a_6686: chalo then bye

And that day after letting shivam to propose amrita, I was elated but a bit of guilt inside me was surrounding me for letting my imagination to enter someone’s real heart and play with it. I never wanted to hurt amrita but also not wanted to let her go from shivam’s life too. Finally I left all to my heart which had tuned up with shivam’s and compelled my mind to let shivam to make dip in the river of pure love. They continued their daily chats with a daily proposal by shivam and a funny reply from amu, but she was letting shivam to get more close to her. After few days the prelims of amrita started and she decided to give shivam her phone number after her exams. Even, amrita has planned her first date with shivam in Mumbai during their proposed meet in July.

a_6686: u like john Abraham

a_6686: u hav uploaded his pic na

a_6686: y don’t u upload urs

shivamshankar: u want to see me……………

a_6686: naah

a_6686: i maent

shivamshankar: why?

a_6686: its bette to upload ur pic na

shivamshankar: can u show me ur photo……………or in mumbai visit only then?

a_6686: i don’t hav ny

a_6686: ri8 now

a_6686: on ma pc

shivamshankar: i want to hear ur voice once…………….plg

a_6686: i told u na

a_6686: after ma exams

shivamshankar: ok when ur exam finish?

a_6686: 22 may

a_6686: u hav friends who happen to b gals??

a_6686: hav u approached a gal nytime

shivamshankar: ya i did a gal …………..in past

shivamshankar: par rejected

a_6686: wen u r emotional u tend to get attachd wid someone very easily

shivamshankar: yup……………..its rite

a_6686: n den it hurts if the person doesn’t reciprocate ur feelings

a_6686: n that is y it bcomes ur weakness

a_6686: samjha

a_6686: see u said that u kinda love me n all

shivamshankar: chalo tumko yaad to aaya…………….

a_6686: i jus can believe that

shivamshankar: ha i expressed u my feeling..

a_6686: hmmmm

shivamshankar: accha……….wht u hav felt abt me till date say frankly frm ur heart?

a_6686: hmmmmmmm

a_6686: well i think of u as a nice guy

a_6686: with very indian mentalities

a_6686: n sweet

a_6686: n a good friend

a_6686: don’t try to put on a different mask wen ur a differnt person altogether

shivamshankar: what?

a_6686: arre matlab u behave the way u r

shivamshankar: ya…………sure……….i do..

a_6686: that’s wot i think of u.

shivamshankar: good……………….aur movies dekho yaar……………

a_6686: ha

a_6686: abhi aap vaha delhi me aur hum yahan mumbai me

a_6686: movies kiske sath dekhe??

shivamshankar: fr knowing u is it necessary to know Marathi??

a_6686: ya cos wen i meet i m goin to talk in marathi ………….lol

so, after reading some of the real conversations between shivam and amrita, you also have thought of the love which was quite evident and their net love story was soon going to convert into real love story, had shivam went to meet amrita in Mumbai. He was going to talk with her on phone after 23 may 07. Frankly speaking I was in love with amrita and my soft side for her has only made shivam to go ahead and win amrita’s heart. I knew that we don’t have any future but I did not want to hurt amu (amrita) in any way. Days passed by, and by the mean-time while amu was busy with her exams, I gave all my competitive exams in Delhi. Soon, May arrived and I packed my bags back to home. After completion of my all exams, when I should have enjoyed along with my other friends, I was busy in solving my life’s biggest mystery where I was playing with a pure-hearted girl’s real heart. Finally, I decided to end up the relationship but, I wanted a better ending and I planned an idea, which was enough to worsen the image of amu’s hero and convert him to the villain of this love-story. Now, for the first time I started chatting with amrita by becoming me in the name of shivam and I had left my heart behind and let my brain to play the game to achieve a better ending. Till date shivam has known a lot about her closed female pals. I just made her to believe in shivam and he told unfair things about akansha, her close female pal and created a misunderstanding between them. I knew that this will work, and she did quarrel with akansha, and parted their ways. I knew that akansha will not leave me after her quarrel with amu and it happened as per my plan. Akansha enquired about me and after getting the evidence of non-existence of shivam, she showed them to amu. She was broken to tatters and started asking shivam about his originality. I tried to save shivam but seeing her adamant, I told her the bitter truth which happened accidentally and I had broken a simple girl’s heart in pieces. That day itself on 14 may, I killed shivam and hated myself for doing the thing which I should have never done or ever imagined to do in my life. Tears were constantly rolling off from my eyes as I killed my own hero and lost my dream girl. It just happened and weeds of failure were visible all over my face. I don’t know what happened after that to amrita. Today, on Facebook I searched Amrita, and found her committed and settled in Canada. I am happy to see the smile on her face in her profile picture. I know that amrita will never forgive me for doing all this. Really it is true that you can’t say exactly when and where you will get in love, it just happens. Still, I will love to meet her someday and say “I AM SORRY MA…M” ,...

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