Emotional Devastation of Being Romanced Scammed

Romance Scams, Part 6

From researching and reading reports and article on victims of "Romance Scams" it has become apparent that the real damage of being romanced scammed may not be financial but emotional. A Romance scam can devastate the victims, many who are already in a weaken emotional state as they may have already suffered a loss in their lives. The mental stress brought on by being scammed is similar to experiencing a death or divorce of a spouse in which the victim has lost their companion, lover, hopes, dreams and direction for their life. There is no support system for victims of romance scams as most of the community around them is already laughing at them for even trying to find love in a non-traditional way. Many times they are made to feel ashamed, humiliated, and low self-esteem for getting scammed, losing their money, falling in love and trusting their lover (scammer). Because of this shame they do not seek help and can end up with severe mental health issues that have even lead to suicide.

These victims are regular normal everyday people whom have suffered a loss in their life such as a divorce, death of a spouse, or break up of a long-term relationship, (a few bachelor/ bachelorettes), typically older (in their late 30’s to mid-60's but any one can be targeted regardless of age) and are looking to fill the void of love and companionship they have lost. Scammers using beautiful or handsome Avatars (stolen pictures which the scammer hides behind), praying on the emotional needs men and women, promising the undying love and a new start to life with someone created out of our dreams, a figment of our imagination. These criminals feel little to no remorse for their victims and use their expertise in the ways of social engineering and psychological manipulations to perpetrate this crime. Yes, anyone can be targeted by romance scammers; there are definitely no barriers to age, race, nationality, education, religion, sexual preference, financial or social status.

Romance scammers have one thing on their minds, relieve you of "Your Money", and that is the crime that we hear the most about. What we do not see or hear much about is the emotional devastation that this crime takes on the victims. Almost all of the time, the victim was emotionally involved with the perpetrator (Scammer) and willing sent money or other means of support to a person that they thought was their love and soul mates.

An example is a 59 year old man, just coming out of a divorce, looking to get back in the dating scene, signs up on a dating website or social website to see what is out there for him. After posting his profile, he gets a request from an outrageously beautiful lady, about 34 years of age, and she has asked to get to know him. She likes his profile, thinks that his picture is handsome and that they might have interest in common. This is where it starts, innocently enough, but the scammer start to weave a web of emotions that is to entrap the mark (victim) and emotionally bonds the victim to the scammer. First, she profess to be looking for the lifelong soul mate, she will state that she has been hurt in a past relationship which is her way generating empathy from him, then over the space of several week or months encourages him to become in love with her, and begin planning for a life together.

Sometime during this process emotions and egos take over and the mark (victim) becomes fully attached to the scammers beautiful avatar, becomes enamored and thinks that he is in love with this beautiful, and loving person. This is where the scammers want their victims, as now they can set the hook and start extracting (stealing) money from the victim. At first the victim thinks he is helping and taking care of his new love one, acting as a good lover and fiancée, getting ready to bring her home to start their new life. As the scam progresses and the victim is bled dry and only then does it becomes apparent that there was never a real lover, the victim is left in despair, shame, depression, violated and sometimes even commits suicide due to another loss in their life.

Symptoms:

After a traumatic experience, one of the factors/after affects is that a victim can often suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). An anxiety can occur after being subject to a traumatic event, some examples being; assault, bullying, military, sexual assault, the list goes on, unfortunately also as a result from being scammed. What follows with PTSD are anxiety / depression / agoraphobia, the agoraphobia in some cases of panic disorder and isolation. In saying this not all traumatized persons get PTSD or has the experiences, PTSD is diagnosed only if the symptoms last more than a month.

As far as a victim of scamming is concerned, the victim is not only mentally exhausted, but also financially drained, feeling that they are a fool, suffering the loss of a love one, loss of hopes and dreams, many time not knowing where to turn or whom to trust. The victim may experience all or some of these symptoms from this trauma; depression, feelings of helplessness, fear, flashbacks, recurring distressing dreams, nightmares of the event, anger, revenge, lack of communication, withdrawn, feelings of isolation, loss of appetite, lack of hygiene care just to name a few.

Treatment:

The first thing is to help the victim understand that it was not their fault that they were scammed. That scamming is a criminal enterprise looking to take advantage of the need and want for love. Next is to understand that the Avatar (pictures) are stolen images of the person that we thought we were writing/chatting/emailing with, were just an avatar, not a real person. This can be devastating when the victim learns that most scammers are "gang of young Black African men and boys" and not the beautiful / handsome person that they were communicating with. Get the victim involved in anti-scam web sites and educational programs so that they will have a means to reach out and find out that they are not alone. Victims will need a strong support network, from either friends, family and if necessary a referral to a good Doctor/Psychologist, to help with the recovery.

Prevention:

Education and awareness is the best prevention to this crime. The more internet users understand about the scam and how it works, the better they can recognize when they are being approached by a Romance scammer (criminal) and can protect themselves. Also we need to understand the trauma, psychological and emotional distress that one can experience from being scammed and be ready to give empathy and understanding, being sensitive and caring as these victims try to heal and recover. The perfect scam victim (target) is one that is not aware or educated in regarding scams, scammers, and the dangers that come with the scam as a whole. Therefore, we must continue to educate, informed and warn as many of the internet users from all every walks of life and on as many websites we can get carry our message on to build the awareness of this crime and it devastating effects.

Therefore, united we must continue to inform, educate and place public warnings for all internet users, from every walk of life, on as many internet websites we can post our message to build awareness of the crime and the devastating health effects, as a whole.

“Do Not Feed the Scammers”