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When is the Right Time to Start Sleeping Together?

When is the Right Time to Start Sleeping Together

If you're hoping to move into a long-term relationship with someone who you've been dating, then sleeping together too soon might sabotage your chances of getting to that coveted commitment. If casual sex is really what you want – if you truly feel comfortable with settling for what is convenient at the moment – then you have nothing to lose by diving in. But if you want love and attraction that lasts then you may need to move a little slower and nurture trust over a longer stretch. Nothing can substitute for taking the time to really get to know someone.

Remember that good sex grows out of intimacy. It doesn't work the other way around. Many people start sleeping with a partner prematurely because they're convinced that sexuality is all that they have to offer. They feel pressured; or they fear losing the other person if they don't act. But behaving in this way can actually compromise our perceived value in the eyes of the person we're interested in. We cheapen the value of sex itself, and settle for mediocrity.

If what you really want is passion, the feeling of being vital and alive with someone else, take some time to open your heart and risk being vulnerable before you offer up your body. In this way you can cultivate attraction, fascination and appeal. You can find out whether the other person really wants you, not just what s/he can get from you. Once you've done this, there are certain signs to look for that may tell you the time is right to take things to the next level.

If you are an emotionally-oriented person then the indications you look for will probably have to do with trust and your comfort level. Do you feel understood by this person? Are you able to be heard – and to listen in return? Many sensitive people feel that the time is right to sleep with someone they're been dating when they feel comfortable exposing themselves to the person. This may begin with words and feelings and soon translate into more physical forms of closeness (like holding and kissing). If you feel at ease with both the emotional and physical exchanges that are happening with your date then maybe it's time to consummate the relationship.

If you're more of a pragmatic person then you may want certain questions to be answered first. Of course, this has an emotional aspect, too; because underneath such practical concerns there lies a desire to feel at ease and protected. You may want to know if you're the only one your date is seeing. You may want to know more about his/her history, and whether there's a torch still being carried for an ex. If these kinds of conversations are essential to your peace of mind then don't rush past them out of fear of losing the relationship. It's better to lay such groundwork before the act of sex changes all the dynamics within the partnership – as it almost always does.

Comments (4)

loyalover4u
If you th9ink marrying someone is your key to success or abstaining from sex is your savior for a solid relationship,remember that even the cavemen had a ritual,the birds stay together for life when mated and somewhere in the Bible Jesus is quoted as having had said;"For I tell you it is not like this in Heaven"...when asked by the pharisee's. I can't imagine anyone thinking marriage makes sex better or trust stronger...it only limits people to their moral ethics and beliefs because it had been handed down to them as being "the proper thing to do" but you basically have 5 types of woman and 2 of men. I would explain this but why bother...it's too detailed...but a clue; Princess sorts,daddy's girl,tomboy,etc.conversing
linekey
I think good things happens to those who wait.
GuttentagEurope
The first date, if we like each other.
SatshaF
Great advise .....thank you for the article

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