Find Someone Who Loves Your “Imperfections”

If we try to attract someone by pretending to be who we're not, it will catch up with us sooner or later. Remember that what one person finds annoying another may find endearing. What your ideal partner may appreciate about you could be precisely those qualities that others perceive as "quirks".

The excitement of dating, in its early stages, often casts a kind of glamour over the other person. Although it mostly exists in your mind, this "glow" will smooth over all of the quirks that your love interest may possess, highlighting only his or her strong and beautiful qualities. This trick of projection is a major reason why many people "fall in love" too fast and why they make poor choices where their desires are concerned. It is also to blame for much of the disillusionment that can set in and disrupt a budding relationship. We start cohabitating or otherwise spending more time together and the glamour fades. Annoying habits suddenly become more obvious. This is no longer "the person we fell in love with."

The vicious logic of this cycle makes many people want to hide their supposed imperfections from those whom they date. But such a shortsighted strategy actually costs us more in the long run. Two very detrimental things happen when we start altering our behavior out of fear of being judged. First, we short-change ourselves by denying ourselves the opportunity to be recognized and appreciated for who we really are. Secondly, we undermine the strength of the relationship itself because we're encouraging the other person to love an illusion.

All of this is built upon the assumption that nobody would be attracted to us if they saw how we really were. There's really no way to win, because the belief in itself is self-sabotaging. The best approach – though it may feel like the most vulnerable – is to stop trying to hide our "imperfections". Most of us will have very clear ideas about what those imperfections are. The truth is that not everyone else will share our prejudices. Someone may be endeared to you by the very traits that you consider unseemly quirks.

You will never meet such a person if you keep your natural self hidden away, however. And any lover you attract by playing out a charade will find out about the quirky aspects of your personality sooner or later anyway. In the end, you'd be much happier with someone who delights in those mannerisms of yours that others find so annoying. There is not such a general consensus about your "character defects" as you may think. But you can only discover the truth of this if you let your guard down.

Remember, too, that you're much less likely to be judged if you aren't judgmental yourself. If you spend a lot of time noticing and pointing out the flaws in others then you place yourself - energetically - in a place where you're apt to be criticized too. This is where the law of attraction resembles instant karma. When you make the effort to see the best in others then your own beauty becomes more apparent. This opens up the possibility of connecting with someone who'll appreciate how you really are – despite your "imperfections."