Is it Love… or Your Hormones Sneaking up on You When You Date?

Are you looking for romance? Do you often feel frustrated at how your expectations actually work out? It's possible that part of the problem comes from how your brain tricks you into seeing attraction where none exists. Learn to recognize the signs.

Our feelings and our hormones are such powerful influences in our lives. They aren't just powerful because they exert a lot of pressure on us– they are also powerful because they don't need to. When our hormones or emotions wish to make us do something, they have a way of making us feel that the choices they present to us are right, sensible, logical, honest and good. There are other kinds of simple mistakes we make while dating, too. There is a way you can get out of these problems (or at least try)– you can learn to recognize the most common ways in which you get hoodwinked.

Any strong emotion can feel like attraction when you're next to someone of the opposite sex

In the 1994 action movie Speed (with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock), after the lead pair successfully save the lives of the people on the bomb-rigged bus and jump to safety themselves, they get time for a tender moment. Sandra warns Keanu that "Relationships based on intense experiences never last". Curtly, Keanu replies that the day's drama is no big deal to him.

Sandra's sage observation is actually scientifically proven. There have been dozens of psychology experiments done that prove that the brain cannot tell the difference between one kind of heightened emotion or feeling and another. If you happen to be fearful, happy, in pain or anything else, you're likely to misinterpret those feelings as love when you come into contact with someone at that point.

If you happen to go online to find a date when you are worried about your job prospects, about being in trouble at school with a report that's due or anything else, you're likely to feel attracted to just anyone you see.

People tend to pick relationships that seem difficult to hold on to

Our minds have this tendency to believe that anything that is easy to get is a less attractive option than something that threatens to slip away. This is part of the logic behind the bad boy appeal. Your mind can look at a relationship possibility that seems difficult to hang on to and believe that there must be something special about it if it's hard to get. This effect, of course, is quite subtle. You may only feel strangely attracted to someone who's noncommittal and feel as if it were real attraction. To see some real sense in such a situation, you should ask your friends what they think of this slippery person. Since they aren't personally afraid of losing the relationship, they could lay the truth out for you.

The voice effect

Our conscious mind makes us believe that we have specific dating preferences and that we tend to go by them. The UNconscious part of our mind, though, has other ideas. Studies exist that show that women tend to be far more attracted to men with deeper voices even without realizing it. Women tend to feel that men with deeper voices have better strength, character and success. It isn't just women, either. People of every description tend to trust deeper voices better – no matter what the message may be that is delivered through that voice.

There are other ways in which we get mixed up by the quality of a voice. Men's voices aren't just deeper than women's voices – they are harmonically simpler as well. Women, therefore, have an easier time understanding men's voices than men do understanding women's voices. Women speak in voice registers that are harmonically richer and more musical. In fact, a study in the NeuroImage journal finds that when men listen to women's voices, they need to use the part of their brain that is meant for musical listening. Since men need to work harder taking in women's voices, they often understand less. If you are in the dating situation, you really need to pay attention to this.

Finally, you mustn't really believe your Axe Deo makes you irresistible

There's a famous quote from Coco Chanel about how women should NOT imagine that they are attractive just by themselves, they need a touch of perfume. Unfortunately for her, there are now studies (such as the one called Human Pheromones and Sexual Attraction published in the European Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, for instance) that show that it can be difficult for people to attract one another without help from their NATURAL pheromones and other natural mating scents. Any kind of strong smell on top– perfume or body odor– is likely to interfere with the body's own gentle scents and deep-six your chances of success. If a wonderful perfume makes you feel you can't lose, think again. It might be best to simply take a good shower with unscented soap and go just as yourself.